Downfall
by xXDark.Lord.MeloniousXx
Summary: RaitoxL What is true happiness without him? Read inside for more detail. SPOILERIFIC
1. Chapter 1: Downfall

**Okay…many spoilers ahead if you don't want to hear it, please do not read on.**

**Again: SPOILERS**

**Spoilers consist of: L's real name, character deaths and…uhh…I'm sure there are more, I just can't think of them. So there.**

**Here's the synopsis: This is me twisting around the last weeks before L's death. After L's death, I've also twisted it so that Raito "does" succeed in taking place of "God of the New World", but a question still remains…can Raito truly find happiness when L is gone? It highlights Raito's thoughts on L's death, about L, L's feelings towards him and his own towards L…and how life could've been. So…oh yeah…and forgot…**

**YAOI…YES…BOY ON BOY…L & RAITO, RYUUZAKI & YAGAMI, RYUGA & LIGHT, DO YOU UNDERSTAND???? IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT, TURN NOW…FOR ONCE YOU GO GAY, YOU NEVER GO ASTRAY! **

**Lol, I just made that up. **

**Well…hope you like it so far, here's chapter 1!**

Raito looked at the screen before him. It looked blank to him. It was hard to pretend like you were interested in something for so long. His glazed look traveled across the room to the pale detective taking a bite out of his strawberry cheesecake. He glared at the sight.

L

Disgusting, infuriating, aggravating L

…L

But no matter how annoying Raito knew Ryuuzaki was, he was truly genius. He was clever, tricky, intelligent and passionate about what he did. Raito noted the silken look L's features took on in the dim lighting of the investigation room.

How his pitch black hair looked like a pool of space that stretched out more than anyone could ever truly comprehend. How his onyx eyes were outlined in black and sent him questioning glances…uh oh…he was staring.

Raito looked away, hoping he'd get away from any of Ryuuzaki's scaffolding questions, but was sadly, too late.

"Light-kun, are you in need of my help?" Ryuuzaki asked softly

"No, Ryuuzaki, I was just…thinking." Raito replied, somewhat angrily

"Thinking of what?"

"The case, of course." Raito sneered

Ryuuzaki's wide eyes roamed around the room, as if looking for the place where more annoying questions would come to him.

"You should take tomorrow off, Light-kun."

"What?" Raito shot

Matsuda pouted and asked, "Why don't I get offered days off?"

"Because you don't need them." Ryuuzaki told him

"Why do I need them?" Raito snapped, ungratefully

Ryuuzaki moved his eyes back to Raito's as he replied,

"I have concluded that you were thinking not of the case, Light-kun, but of Misa. Your gaze was fogged with emotion and there was fluster in your cheeks. One flusters when thinking of romance, and don't hide under the impression that I didn't see that pornographic site you were on earlier."

"I-I only got on that site because it said it was a link to a Kira site! Why am I the only one who finds these?! And I swear I wasn't thinking of Misa! I was thinking about the case! I don't want the day off!" Raito fought

Ryuuzaki stood and with his index finger hanging from his bottom lip, in his usual crouched position he said, "You are taking the day off. You are young and tired. If you wish to work any further on this case then I encourage you to take the day off tomorrow, Light-kun."

"But I wasn't thinking of romance! I was just flustered cause…cause…" Raito didn't know why..

"Light-kun, the only other reason one would be flustered is embarrassment…" Ryuuzaki's expression then twisted into one of surprise…

He turned back to Raito with intrigue and his wide eyes followed Raito's interestedly as he asked,

"Unless…are you embarrassed to be working with me, Light-kun?"

Raito seemed caught off guard by the question, but before he could form anything coherent Matsuda chirped, "How could he, Ryuuzaki? Anyone would be honored to be working with the famous L."

Ryuuzaki did not move his creepy eye from Raito as Matsuda complimented him. He titled his head, noting the sweat drop in front of Raito's ear as he asked "Is that true in terms of you, Light-kun?"

He gathered himself and lied, "Of course it's an honor to work with you, Ryuuzaki. Back when Kira's killings had only just begun, I only dreamed of working with L."

Ryuuzaki nodded and turned away again.

"You're taking tomorrow off, Light-kun."

Raito opened his mouth to object, but Ryuuzaki had already walked away. What was with that? Ryuuzaki usually hated the fact that Raito had to rest and take time off and now he was forcing him to? Not that it truly mattered so much to Raito.

That moment was odd though, no? Getting caught admiring that scrawny, disturbing, awkward man. Admiring now?...It was a moment ago he was only 'staring'…hmm…

"Yagami-san." Ryuuzaki called patiently from another room

"Yes?" Raito's father called

Raito watched as his father raced into the room.

The door closed and Raito's father waited for his reason of coming to be stated. Ryuuzaki was staring out of a black window when he announced nonchalantly

"If I die within the next week, your son is Kira, Yagami-san."

He cringed and snarled, "What is this Ryuuzaki? Why do you suspect my son? I'm sick of this!"

Ryuuzaki's eyes lowered as he replied, "I was never healthy on it."

"Don't you…" Yagami began…

His expression was fierce, his anger though had died out into a sad curiosity…

"Don't you care about my son?" Yagami asked sincerely

Ryuuzaki turned to Yagami with his index finger hanging absently from his lips as he looked stared.

They stared at each other for a long while until Ryuuzaki began to walk out of the room…

Yagami was about to call out to him, but as Ryuuzaki reached the door, he stopped and replied finally, "I don't think that needs answering, Yagami-san."


	2. Chapter 2: I Wonder How You Sleep

Raito was lying in his bed, his hand turned under his cheek. His feathery hair was strewn over his pillow, and although he wanted to sleep all that night, he couldn't. His restless mind swam with itching, torturing questions and possible theories as to why Ryuuzaki would let him have a day off.

He sat up, his blanket running down his naked chest, onto the sweat pants he had worn to bed that night. He brushed his thin fingers through the slides of his chocolate hair as he sighed. He looked to Ryuk, sitting on his desk by the open window.

His eyes flickered from the vision of Ryuk to where the soft breeze that had pushed across his being had come from. As his hair blew towards the door, and his eyes closed against the wind's cool embrace he thought of Ryuuzaki; imagined his face, his scrawny, crooked posture.

His dark, looming eyes lined in thick black coating, forever imprinted in his mind with their accusations. Killing, disposing really, of everything that got in his way had never affected him before. Not until he thought of…L…

Not until L, did he feel sad when it was related to death. He felt a wrench in his stomach, in his heart as well when he imagined L's rightfully rotting corpse forever lying in a casket six feet below the soles of his shoes.

Raito opened his eyes at the end of that thought.

_That's not true. I do not care about him. L is my enemy, the world's enemy. He's preventing the safety of all mankind. That selfish…_

He shook the aggravation away and looked to Ryuk again. Ryuk laughed and asked,

"Feeling troubled, Light?"

Raito just glared. There was something strange in the tone of Ryuk's humored voice.

"No, what could I be troubled about? I've got the entire day to myself."

Ryuk laughed which, in turn, received one of Raito's electrifying scowls. Ryuk quietly finished his laughter as Raito sneered,

"And what could be so funny, Ryuk?"

Ryuk's twisted, demonic smile arrived more unto him as he spoke, "Why do you think L really let you off today?"

Raito simply cocked an eyebrow to Ryuk, as if asking him to elaborate on his accusation that Raito had been worried about it.

"You don't think it's strange?"

"Of course it's strange you, dunce! You think I'm a moron? Unlike you, I'm not a complete dunderhead and I have put far more thought to it…I still have no idea what he could possibly gain from this." Raito snapped in return

Ryuk looked a little taken aback at Raito's sudden spur of anger, but he followed Raito as he rose from his bedding, walk out his door and down the stairs.

The house was empty; his mother was out and about in town with an old friend and his sister was off with her friends, shopping most likely. Not that his sister was very fashionable.

He entered his kitchen, acknowledging Ryuk again by throwing an apple over his shoulder, expecting the demon of death to retrieve it; which he did. Ryuk sat on the kitchen table, watching Raito's movements and wondered what would happen if he eventually 'did' choose sides in this life of Yagami Raito.

If he was like Rem and sided with the holder of his Death Note, and protected, helped Raito…

He 'did' note that however immoral, in his opinion, it was to take sides that it would be very entertaining.

"Did you ever think to…truly be his friend?" Ryuk suggested suddenly

Raito turned to Ryuk with shocked, almost disgusted features. At the incredulous idea Raito laughed out, "You mean L?"

Ryuk's serious expression drove Raito mad. Could he really be serious about this? Was he out of his mind?

"Yes. He is a human after all. He has emotions, insecurities, fears…right?"

Raito's jaw was dropped, his eyebrows turned inwardly…

He was out of his mind!

"No…not L, he's not…" Raito trailed off

Ryuk laughed, "Not human, is he?"

Raito wanted to spit on Ryuk's laughter but was intrigued by the idea.

"Emotions, eh?" Raito asked curiously

Ryuk's laughter died as he replied, "Yeah…you got an idea?"

"Not quite…I've got a question, Ryuk."

"Yeah?"

"Can shinigami travel through time? Change history and all?" Raito asked

"What do you mean change history?"

"I mean…if someone that lived twenty years ago, ended up dominating the world and caused chaos…if a shinigami decided that wasn't supposed to happen, would they go back in time to kill that guy twenty years in the past?"

"I haven't even told you if we can travel through time."

"I take it you can considering you pushed the idea aside so easily."

Ryuk smiled at Raito's deductions. If Ryuk ever wanted a demonic, psychotic, manipulative, human son, it would be Raito.

"How do you figure, really?" Ryuk asked

"Well, I figure the only way you would know that L wasn't a sociopath with no emotions as other humans would be more than simply an assumption, since you just threw the idea out to me. Meaning you know L's prior actions, but since I've met him he seems emotionless and blank, so what I would assume is that you've either seen, heard or are equipped some other way with knowledge of his past. Considering you're from a realm of death and God-like beings, I would think you'd have more power than just killing people off, and since it's a responsibility so huge, you would be supplied with tools to help you complete your job, recover lost articles necessary for your job or correct any errors. Thus, I concluded you must have the power to travel through time, whether you're capable of going into the future, I'm not quite sure, but I can easily deduce that you can travel to the past."

Ryuk chuckled and replied, "You've got skill, Light, I've got to give you that."

Raito smirked, his evil eyes gleaming as he asked, "So I'm right?"

Ryuk exchanged the smirks with the young child prodigy and asked him, "What would it mean to you?"

Raito's narrow eyes roamed around the room and replied, "Nothing…I suppose growing closer to Ryuuzaki, though, would be a good move. He's a blank slate, so there's nothing to really get attached to anyway, right?"

Ryuk wanted to laugh at the rhetorical question…there was much more to L than Raito could ever understand.


	3. Chapter 3: I Wonder What You Think of Me

If L was correct, then this day, Raito would be sitting at home; if he was Kira he would probably take this day of relaxation as a true sign of concern from L, but if he was Kira then he would be taking this day to think of ways to get to L's real name, or in some way effect him in a larger way than he could while he's under L's watchful eye during the work day.

There would most likely not be a large killing spree today by Kira; for if he is Raito, he knows that it would look immensely suspicious to have a day alone to himself and twenty more criminals die than the usual amount. He has time to think things through thoroughly and if L was Kira, he knew that he'd want to be close to L. Raito, if he was Kira, was thinking of ways to get closer to L.

"Ryuuzaki?"

He heard a feminine voice call…

He turned around from the glowing computer screen of which he was crouched in front of to see Ms. Misa Amane staring back at him. Her eyes were sorrowful and worried as she asked,

"Where is Light?"

L took a bite out of a small animal cracker that was between the tips of two of his spidery fingers as he replied, "I've given him the day off. He should be at home."

She smiled at that and suggested, "Well, I should see him, then…take him out for a good time."

L's blank, dark eyes roamed from Misa's as he turned back to the screen. He clicked some buttons on his keyboard while taking another cracker into his mouth. His unmoving eyes, never blinking as he told her, "I suppose; though I must tell you again Ms. Misa, that I take no care into how you run your love life with Light-kun."

Misa pouted with crossed arms immaturely wrapped across her chest as she snapped, "Well, you should know, Ryuuzaki, that I only do it because I want to make it clear who Light truly belongs to!"

Ryuuzaki turned around to Amane at that statement, and with wide, interested eyes he asked her in his trademark monotone, "You believe that Light-kun should be owned…like a pet?"

Misa looked highly offended and snarled back to him, "How dare you accuse me of such a thing, Ryuuzaki! You're the one here who treats Light like an animal! Working him all day and night, forcing him to work with such lowly people like you!"

Ryuuzaki tilted his head, the black feathers of his hair falling over each other as he pondered aloud, "Why are you angered, Ms. Misa? I simply gave an example of something you own, which you insist is the type of relationship you have with Light-kun."

She was frustrated, and L trying to tell Misa about something that made perfect sense to him was as fruitless as having Einstein make any sense to Matsuda. She huffed loudly and stormed away in her Gothic black, buckled boots that wore up to her knees; under her black, leather skirt he noted her fishnet stockings and her black and grey tube top that hugged her bosom, in what L was sure was going to be a failed attempt at gaining a lustful gaze from Raito.

Ryuuzaki's dark eyes lowered as he turned back to the writing on the screen before him. He slowly began to type again…

Matsuda looked to Aizawa and whispered, "I think he's got his feelings hurt."

Aizawa gave him a blank stare, silently telling Matsuda that it was a ridiculous suggestion. Matsuda frowned and replied, "L is more than just a detective, don't you know? He's human, just like us…I don't think it's fair for us to assume he's immortal like he seems to be. I bet people always telling him he's cruel and harsh gets to him."

Aizawa seemed shocked…

Matsuda asked innocently, "What?"

Aizawa blinked several times before replying, "I just…didn't think you could think like that…"

Matsuda seemed irritated as he told him, "I'm not an idiot."

Aizawa watched as Matsuda turned to L and asked sensitively, "Hey, Ryuuzaki…have you ever had a girlfriend?"

Without moving his eyes from the lights of the monitor he told Matsuda simply, "I have never been interested in romance, Matsuda."

Matsuda smiled at the fact that the fear of L turning around and punching him hard in the mouth hadn't become reality. He egged him on, though, by saying,

"Aw, come on, you must've at some point? We've all dreamed of it, a family, nice house, cool job…not even as a kid, Ryuuzaki?"

L turned to Matsuda finally and replied quite seriously, "I have dreamed of course, Matsuda, but there is nothing within me that someone could be attracted to."

Matsuda and Aizawa were taken aback by L's insult to himself.

"But…Ryuuzaki, that can't be true-"

"It is, Matsuda. I will not fill myself with a false hope. I instead moved the dedication, attention and admiration I would've given to a person into my work. That, Matsuda, keeps me from being lonely. If you are worried for me, you shouldn't be. If I find that I can no longer work, I will always have Watari."

Matsuda felt the sad sink in his heart end with a pang of sympathy. The lonely detective, completely in love with saving people, protecting them, healing them, helping them, but felt that no one but a secretive old man would save, protect, heal or help him…

"I'm your friend, Ryuuzaki."

Matsuda appreciated the grateful fluster he produced from L. Though, L's face was as blank as ever, his onyx eyes never revealing a hint to any emotion that flood within him, Matsuda could tell that his abrupt, helpful statement had reached Ryuuzaki.

L was flattered by the comment, he couldn't lie to himself, for until Raito, he had never truly had a friend. To have two, and one that wasn't a psychotic serial killer…he couldn't think of anything better to ask for. He was awkward, though, he knew it; he could feel it in the way people looked at him, talked to him like he was psychologically challenged.

He pretended to not notice that his actions, statements, assumptions, and habits were strange—different from others'. And in his nervous, almost intimidated awkwardness, he didn't know how to react to the caring statement, so instead of replying "I'm your friend too." Or something charming as that, he turned back to the computer, trying stubbornly to stop the heat in his cheeks and replied,

"Yes, well, you two should get back to work."

Matsuda smiled and softened his eyes as he said, "Yeah, I guess so."

Matsuda pushed Aizawa along with him as they left to their desks. Souichirou walked in then, with a large bag-like thing over his shoulder.

"What've you got there, Chief? Matsuda asked curiously

Yagami laid it down on the floor near his desk, huffing he replied, "I was walking back to the building, when I got a call from Raito, he said that he wanted me to pick up something for Misa. She's at the house and remembered that she needed to get it and asked if I could bring it back to the house tonight and give it to her there. So I had to pick up a guitar on my way here."

Matsuda laughed as he announced, "I can't play any instruments; I've never been a person with much rhythm or…eye-hand coordination."

"You're not much of an eye-body coordination guy either, Matsuda." Aizawa snickered

Matsuda chuckled at the joke, but they silenced themselves as they heard a shuffle. They looked to the now standing L. He was crooked and scrawny as ever, but approached the policeman slowly asking again, "A guitar?"

"Yes…apparently she needs it for a shoot she's doing tomorrow; why? Can you play, Ryuuzaki?"

L's blank expression remained as he took the incased guitar out of it's enormous bag and walked into a separate room, where sat a couch, television and two loveseats. The other investigators followed L as he took the guitar out onto his lap, and they all stood in awe at the sight of L sitting normally.

He slowly tuned it and although he seemed insecure as to whether he was going to play the right notes he played the soft tune to The Cranberries "Kiss Me". He used his tapping, shoeless foot as a drum and hummed the tune of the lyrics.

Matsuda leaned over to Aizawa and asked, "It's pretty…but isn't "Kiss Me" a little…girly?"

Aizawa glared and stated, "It's sung by a woman…you idiot."

Matsuda slanted his eyes in suspicion as he added, "You don't think it's…girly?"

"I'm not in second grade anymore, Matsuda, so I take it that he's very talented not girly."

Matsuda huffed and crossed his arms as he looked back at L playing. He wasn't smiling, he never really seemed happy, but when a "W" appeared on the computer and Watari's voice echoed, "You've still got it, L."

Ryuuzaki's pale cheeks filled again at another compliment.

"How long have you played?" Souichirou asked curiously

"He learned to play by watching a video of a friend of mine when he was nine." Watari replied

They all gaped at L, the pleasant sounds escaping the room, into their ears, bound to play in their heads for hours to come. The man had always been a genius then, eh? Not that much less was expected of a child prodigy such as the great, genius detective L.


	4. Chapter 4: I Want You To Be Uneased

They were all sitting around the office, after a long while of L playing songs for them, he had decided they wasted enough time and should get back to work. It was later at night now, about seven thirty. The insomniac inspector, though, felt restless and concentrated. Not on what was in front of him, but thoughts of Kira. The real Kira. Light Yagami.

If ever L felt awkward in his life, it was around Light Yagami. The social, personable, likeable, intelligent, charming, popular, girl-magnet Light Yagami. Next to Light Yagami the scrawny, antisocial, cold, secretive, crouched, pale L…why he was nothing at all. Something distorted that could be found on the bottom of Light Yagami's shoe.

L's eyes lowered from the screen. His heart ached. He had never worried about fitting in. He pushed it aside after a while, once I realized it would do no good to try. He accepted that he could only find true loyalty in Watari, Mello and Near. That was always more than enough for him. More than he ever expected.

The labyrinth that was L's mind would of course prove to be the only mystery L could not solve. There was something he was hungry for, something more than the satisfaction of keeping the innocent safe, something more than what he had. He knew, though…he deserved nothing more than what he had.

Matsuda was watching L sadly, noting the depressed expression written on his features. Then as Matsuda had thought he saw a tear beginning to form at the corner of the detective's eye, the office heard an echo from the hall…

"What do you mean? You're just going to ditch me?!"

L felt an irritating burn in his forehead when he recognized Misa Amane's high pitched cry. They all turned to the door as a clearly aggravated Raito walked in. Hands in pockets, dressed in a light brown sweater that harmonized with his chocolate hair, light blue jeans, designed to look somewhat died out. He fashioned a belt across his thin, long waist, somewhat new looking dark brown shoes and a very dark brown pea coat.

"What are you doing here? I thought L told you to take today off." Souichirou asked cautiously to his son

Raito ignored the calling questions of Misa and his father to walk up to L. He stood in front of L, sending him a friendly smile; putting his hand out to, asking silently for L to grip it. He finally spoke out, "I want to take Ryuuzaki to dinner."

L cocked an eyebrow at the sudden invitation; Raito's father, confused and oddly concerned asked, "Eh…Light, why don't you take Misa out?"

"I know, that's what I said!" Misa snapped

Raito ignored them, simply gazing at L. Gazing at what was destined to meet death by Kira's hands, looking down unto the pathetic excuse for a human being that would soon be another trophy upon Raito's filled shelf of achievements.

"How about it, Ryuuzaki?" Raito asked eagerly

_Just as I thought…he's trying to take this opportunity to get closer to me…_

"…no." L replied; letting his vision slip away from Raito's caring disguise and back to the computer screen.

"Why not?" Light asked sadly, sounding wounded or offended at the rejection

"First of all, I'm in no position to be leaving the office right now. I've got endless piles of folders to look through, websites filled with information being created by the second, criminals being killed by the minute, and every hour someone new is filled with terror. To fix those things, Light-kun, is what I chose to be my career. I'm not about to walk out on my responsibility because you are disturbed by Misa's company and have decided you'd like to replace it with my own."

The lecture had come so suddenly that Raito had suspected something other than that was on L's mind. This, though, he wanted more than L would ever know…he needed to take a step forward to get any closer to the inspector…

"Please…Ryuuzaki, today I slept very, very, very late. When I got up, I felt rested and I got to sit around in my pajamas all day, shower at however late I felt and ate what ever I wanted. I didn't realize how much I actually needed rest until you made me take today off. This is a simple "thank you" for today…I just want to spend some time with you, Ryuuzaki."

L was not dumb. Far from it. And this speech gave L two options: he was sincere, and just wanted to spend time with him, which no one has before (besides his successors and Watari), or he was pretending so that he can develop a deeper relationship with him. If he was pretending, L figured Raito should forget about being Kira and look into a cinematic career.

L stared a good while at Raito. Debating whether or not he should go. He "did" want to get out of the office, and no one here would object to him taking a couple hours off, considering he did the majority of work in the investigation. If he didn't get attached to Light Yagami, then he would be fine.

L rose from his seat, hands in their usual position within his jeans pockets. They all looked to L, wondering what he'd say or do to Raito. When Raito had finally begun to lower his hand back into his pocket, he was shot a cold, dark gaze from L. It was so angry, the movement of L's hypnotizing iris to his, that it almost threw Raito back.

Raito noted, though, that no one else had seen it; the shocking glare hidden from further view by the mass of black hair that curtained his face.

"Fine." L stated finally

The whole room seemed to sigh; the tension had been choking them. Raito smiled, shaking off the scary look and placed his hand back out to L and said, "Let's go, then."

L let his face soften as he again, ignored Raito's hand and instead walked towards the door, fitting his feet into slip-on sandals; he found them the least irritating. He turned towards Raito again and stated, "We may go now."

Raito's hand had found it's (apparently rightful) place by his side. He passed the gawking Misa, with a wave to the office as he and L walked out through the threshold.

Raito and L had made it onto the city streets, Raito had expected to be leading somewhat, having been the one who offered dinner, but found that no matter the situation, L seemed to be the leader. Not only was Raito following L, by despite his terrible posture, L was quite speedy and was a faster walker than Raito would've imagined.

Raito, unable to walk beside him found himself walked behind L. He decided that it was no good, that he could not start a heartfelt-looking conversation or motion from behind that scrawny man. So Light ran up to L's backside and lightly fit his hand over L's shoulder. His fingers curled over the man's shoulder blade in a means of slowing the detective down.

There was a sudden flash of white and black, then Raito found himself nervous.

He was nose-to-nose with the black haired inspector; their lips barely touching. Raito did not want to look away from L's onyx eyes, but could feel L's hand gripping firmly onto Raito's. Raito blushed furiously as he began to ask, "What are yo—"

Before he could finish his statement however, L turned around, releasing Raito and facing his back to him again.

"Don't touch me like that…you scared me."

"_Yes. He is a human after all. He has emotions, insecurities, __fears__…right?"_

Raito smiled menacingly, although L could not see it. He was pleased to find a weak spot on the other boy. He 'was' human, then.

"S-sorry, Ryuuzaki…"

Now the only other mysteries he had to find was if L could love, is strongest emotions, insecurities and why the other boy made his heart beat so fast. Sorry…what was that last one?

"It's okay…just…don't surprise me like that, Light-kun…"

Raito felt the red in his cheeks and the soft tug his throat gave at the unintentional pout on L's lips, L's tilted sad eyes, and the nearly invisible cry in his voice. Raito silently gulped, hoping it would make the burning in his throat reside.

"Alright…sorry to have scared you, Ryuuzaki, you know I would never do anything like that purposely."

L nodded and with that Raito took charge in which direction they took. He set course for a small café and L, unknowing and untrusting, followed. They arrived and L was surprised to find that Raito had gotten them a secluded booth.

L sat across from Raito as the waiter came by and took their orders. Raito insisted to get L something other than sweets, and although it had produced a small argument L eventually gave in and allowed his dish to be ordered by Raito. After Raito had said "This is my treat to you, you should trust my recommendations." He figured there was no hope in winning against Light.

After some comfortable small conversation about the case, Raito decided to move in a little closer to L, personally…

"So, Ryuuzaki, tell me, do you have a girlfriend I know of? Or does she have three aliases as well?" he chuckled

L planted his fork down by his plate and with raised eyebrows replied, "I don't know if everyone in the office received memos directing them to ask my about my love-life, but I'll tell you also, Light-kun, that I do not hold interest in romance."

Raito frowned, actually curious and asked, "Why not? Everyone wants to feel loved."

"That is where you are wrong. I hold no interest in being attracted to anyone for I hold nothing attractive within myself. I understand, Light-kun, that as someone who dates frequently, you would be concerned for me, but as I said to others earlier today, I directed the admiration, attention and care that I would have shown to a love interest, to my work instead and that keeps me from being lonely."

Raito felt his heart wrench, his eyebrows were knit inwardly, painting his features a desperate sadness. He made a point to move forward towards L and reply,

"I don't think you should believe that."

L blushed again…what was with today? People worrying? People wondering? It didn't make sense to L.

"It is what I believe, Light-kun, and nothing can change what I am."

There was something in the way L responded that hit Light with something strange. There was nothing that could change the way he was? Raito once referred to L as a 'blank slate'…did L acknowledge this? Was he a blank canvas that had hoped to be painted upon, a beautiful symphony of colors, but was denied and thus…lost hope?

There was something in the way…that L…functioned…and it made Raito…wonder…


	5. Chapter 5: I Want You To Remember

Raito was walking with L down the street; Raito had to admit even to himself that he was embarrassed somewhat to be seen with the oddly positioned man. Walking around like he had a block of bricks tied to his back.

He was surprised L had eaten the bits of real food Raito had fought for him to eat. While he was walking, though, he knew L was smart. He had known it all along. Perhaps to be a little more sincere in what he says; not be so fake and perfect…perhaps he could gain more from true sincerity…but just a little.

"Ryuuzaki…"

Never letting slip a word, L simply looked up to his fake friend.

"Do you truly believe there is nothing attractive in you?"

L blinked quickly before removing his index finger from his lips' hold; he looked to Raito and asked, "Yes. Why?"

Raito looked down to the floor. It was scary being honest with Ryuuzaki. It was scary being honest with L. Letting him see into what and how Raito thought…

"I…I just don't understand."

"Understand?"

"I don't get how…you can't find anything in yourself that's acceptable…"

L moved his gaze to the early night stars as he replied,

"It's quite a simple concept, Light-kun…when you watch what you do, hear what you say, but still no one wants to hear it, or see it…it's just a simple idea of time passing."

Raito cocked an eyebrow as he moved his eyes to L and asked, "Time passing?"

"Yes…you see…I could either spend my whole life thinking that there's truly one person out there in the world that would turn to me and think I was beautiful, when I know that I can't even see it, or I could move on and leave that invalid idea behind me. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a fictional tale, where I would always think that someone out there could love me. Time was passing, and I did not want to waste it."

Raito wanted to cry when L looked back at him, his galaxy black eyes reflecting the night sky. For the first time, Raito could see…see a little bit through him. See a tiny glint of emotion he had tried to hide. He could see the sadness, the loneliness shining through…but what did that mean to Kira?

When Raito went to object and lengthen their conversation, L turned away again and asked absently, "May we go to get some candy? I would like to see a bakery I usually send Watari to."

Raito smiled with a huff of a chuckle and replied, "Yeah…sure."

L lead Raito around corners, pressing upon the nightlife of the city; ignoring everything and anything around him, concentrating only on the promise of sugary sweetness to take away any despicable taste of real food that rested on his pallet.

"You know, Ryuuzaki…"

"Yes, Light-kun?"

"I've found many beautiful things in you."

L snapped his eyes to Raito with a blush spreading across his cheeks. The honesty that radiating from the comment was enough to surprise even L. Without looking away he replied,

"I'm sorry, Light-kun."

"What?" Raito replied; his cheeks heat from the pouncing of his heart upon his ribs and the sad tone L's voice took on.

"I treated you quite harshly back in the office."

Raito smiled, telling him, "It's okay, don't worry about it."

"No…I'm sorry, Light-kun…I'm not good at being a friend. I know…I know I disappoint you when I do things like that."

Raito blushed, fighting himself from wrapping his arm over L's shoulder.

"You don't disappoint me, Ryuuzaki…you surprise me."

When L looked to Raito with his shimmering eyes Raito could feel a tremor in his chest. What was happening to him? A little honesty made him feel so strange. The look in L's eyes was intimidating and frightening even as they were timid, shy and endearing. What? Why was he thinking like this? Was L buying this? Was he saying these sad things to show that he could see the truth in Raito's words?

"Ryuu—"

"There it is, Light-kun."

Raito looked off to where L pointed; there stood a small candy bar, illuminating the enticing sweets in the front window, as if readying themselves for Ryuuzaki's hungry eyes. Raito quickly moved his gaze from the store across the street to the suddenly realized fixed look L was pressing onto Raito.

"Let's go." L announced as he took a step forward

Raito nodded and muttered, "Yeah…"

He followed L across the street and into the candy shop. L seemed mesmerized by the spoons spinning syrups, machines pulling and stretching taffy, cans swirling target tops of cream upon colorful cupcakes and bright lights moving over the incased, for-show goods. L had been…browsing would you call it? Raito didn't know what to call it, but L was definitely picky about the sweets he took in.

As L pointed to some of the incased snacks and some of the lesser expensive goods behind the serving bar to the woman at the cash register he looked to Raito and asked innocently,

"Are you not getting candy, Light-kun?"

Raito blushed at the cute expression on L's face, but looked away somewhat angrily and murmured, "N-no. I don't like sweets."

L then collected his bag of sugary desserts and walked out of the candy bar with Raito at his side. Raito felt L's eyes move onto him and he returned the gaze as quickly as he caught it. They were walking towards the park, which was a while away from their office, but they were already so far that it couldn't have mattered much.

They reached the park and under the street lights and surrounding night sky L picked a bench silently and Raito sat across from him, having the small complimentary table separate them. L placed the bag on the table, retrieving two lollipops he had purchased. One was dark blue with a white top, possibly cream, and the other was red.

L held both up in one hand to Raito. Raito did not understand what L was trying to tell him by showing him the two candies, but L went on to explain…

"Light-kun, please identify the red lollipop."

"Huh?"

"Identify the red lollipop." L repeated

"Ehm…it looks like a Chupa Chups' lollipop." Raito finally answered

"Indeed…now identify the other." L demanded as he took the blue one into his other hand, holding it up a little higher…

"I…uh…don't know what brand that is."

"Precisely."

"What?" Raito was terribly confused

"You see, Light-kun, you could recognize the red lollipop because it played a role in your life. As a child, you see every child in any movie, cartoon, book—ogling some big red lollipop; round, spherical, shiny and smooth. That is the ideal lollipop. You, Light-kun are the red lollipop. I, though, am the blue. I go unrecognized for no one is brought up to find the dark blue and white among all the transparent, more sugary, less syrupy looking sweets that are much more enticing. But do you blame yourself? Why…it could be blue fish and cheese cream flavored for all you know. Red, though…always cherry or strawberry; never apple. Never disappointing either. No one looks twice at the dark candy, and soon enough the factories which produce them will shut down their machines and it's vanilla and blueberry mixture will forever be lost among the old wrappers of red lollipops."

Raito's eyes widened; how did one live like this? Looking so deeply into everything? Questioning every movement, intention and statement that everyone and anyone made? Looking at a sweet and seeing a reflection of yourself and the life you've built around you…how does one live?

"…Ryuuzaki…"

"Light-kun?"

"Ehm…yes?"

"Do you really believe you don't enjoy sweets?"

Raito cocked an eyebrow and replied, "Yes…why?"

"I just…don't understand."

"Understand? I just don't like them. I don't think I've ever enjoyed them."

"You can truly find nothing enjoyable in desserts?" L asked simply

"…no." Raito laughed

L smirked, unwrapping the red lollipop and pushing it through Raito's shut lips. Raito, wide-eyed and caught off guard by the sudden action blushed furiously as he felt L's spidery hand twirl the candy against his tongue. L let go, letting Raito grip it on his own as L replied,

"I've found many enjoyable aspects within them."

Raito smiled, slipping the sugary treat from his mouth to appreciate the overwhelming taste…

_I guess it isn't 'that' bad…_

L blushed looking to the flustered, smiling Raito. Raito was such a handsome boy. It was strange to think that, but it was very true, whether or not it meant something to L. Then L cringed a little as rain began to drizzle on them. Raito put his lollipop-free arm up above his face; he looked to L and suggested, "We should get back…it's starting to rain."

"Thank you, Light-kun."

Raito blushed, his bottom lip feeling heavy and hanging from him in what seemed a pout. His twinkling eyes collected the vision of L standing before him in his crouched, rain-splattered, reddening, blueberry and vanilla glory.

"You're welcome, Ryuuzaki…"

As Raito's heart was about to burst through his chest…he heard a terrible shriek of God's greatest weapon…

"Light! Over here! It's your Misa!"

Raito glared to the gothic princess running towards them. She looked to him, smiling flirtatiously as she asked, "Wanna walk me back home, Light?"

Raito looked away angrily, replying sourly, "No…I'm walking L back to the office and staying there…probably the rest of the night."

Misa frowned and asked angrily, "What? Why?!"

Raito glared at her and was about to reply when he saw L shiver from a run of chills down his spine from the corner of his eye. He looked to L and smiled. He took off his pea coat and placed it over L's shoulders. The raven-haired man looked to Raito with a blush coloring his face as he announced,

"I don't need this, it is your coat, Light-kun."

"I don't need it, Ryuuzaki, I have a sweater…and plus, you'll get a cold like that."

Misa glared at their friendly gazes toward each other. She interrupted by yelling out angrily,

"OH, YOU THINK YOU'RE JUST SO GREAT, DON'T YOU RYUUZAKI?! JUST CAUSE YOU'RE SMARTER THAN ME YOU THINK YOU CAN TAKE MY LIGHT AWAY! YOU ACCUSE HIM OF BEING A KILLER AND THEN YOU CAN BE CLOSER TO HIM THAN ME BECAUSE YOU'RE L?! WHY DOES THAT MAKE YOU ANY DIFFERENT FRO—"

"MISA! YOU IDIOT!" Raito shouted

"W-what, Light?" she asked, offended by his mean name he titled her

"You're L?" they heard multiple people call

Groups of people had heard Misa yelling and had started multiplying around L. Raito grabbed L under his arm and pulled him away, pushing through the crowd and against the rain. Misa chased after them and called out, "Go to my house! No one can get in there except for me and Kira investigators!"

They let Misa lead the way and as they ran they eventually heard more voices calling out to them. They were chased right to Misa's front door.

It had been a half hour of drying off in Misa's living room and staring out her window, watching the crowds of people form and news reporters, police and writers all congregate outside of Misa's front yard.

Raito turned to Misa and L sitting on the couch and asked, "So what do we do now?"


	6. Chapter 6: I Want You To Believe In Me

**Hey, back with another one! Woo hoo! Well, just wanted to pop in and say thanks for all of the reviews so far! Urm…yeah…just sayin' "hi" I guess…urm…yeah…okay…well…I'll put more up tomorrow! Enjoy your new chapter! **

It had been a half hour ago that L had sat up from the couch and announced he had an idea. He had risen with his finger hanging absently from his bottom lip and looked to Misa's bedroom door, saying, "I think I have an idea."

He had dragged the blonde girl into her room with him and nothing but laughter and some clinks and clanks had left the room since then. Raito was more than uncomfortable, standing by a huge window; the only thing keeping him safe from a rabid mob full of L fans, and checking his cell phone every few seconds to give him something to do while he stands alone in a luxurious room.

He eventually decided to walk over to the door and knock, but as he was lifting his arm, the door swung open and the blonde demonic girl that haunted his life (and refused to leave) skipped out and told Raito quite seriously, "Alright, Light, you're going to go through my back door, okay? Ryuuzaki will be waiting for you there; he's figured out a disguise using some of my make-up and stuff. So all you need to do is meet him out there and he's figured out how to get past that mob and back onto the block you guys need to get on to, to get back to the office."

Raito began to ask, "A disgui---"

"There's no time, Light! You've got to go meet him out there! Oh, and call him Riku, he doesn't want to risk anyone having heard you call him Ryuuzaki and find out it's him."

Misa then shifted behind Light and pushed him across the room, then let him meet the top of the red carpeted stairs. He looked to Misa and she shoo-ed him with her flicking wrists as she smiled gallantly. He turned around again and slowly walked down the stairs to the back door. He twisted, pulled and released the golden knob and without a last look back he walked out into the drizzle that was the residue of the sudden storm.

He found himself in a small alley-way like area; across from him was the fence of her neighbors, then a little off from the door was her collection of trashcans. He looked around and called out quietly, "Ryuu—uhh…Riku?"

He saw from the back corner of the house, Ryuuzaki's long hand escape the barrier of the wall and eagerly persuade Raito to come over. Raito did as he was silently told, but when he made it to the other side of the corner he looked to the floor…

Boots…gothic, thick, buckled boots. Higher. Fishnet stockings…higher…poofy black skirt? Higher. Black spaghetti-strap that led out to fishnet sleeves and collar…then a pretty face, made up with mascara, letting his eyes appear more feminine, then his hair…brushed and two gatherings of the apparently long hair (when brushed down) in pigtails, held with little skulls.

"RYUU---Riku?!" From a scream, he sank back down into a whisper

L cocked an eyebrow to him…he was standing up straight…

Raito blushed furiously at the sight, it wasn't funny and it wasn't very absurd…perhaps what was absurd was that L looked nice as a girl.

"Ehm…Riku?"

L came close to Raito, unintentionally speeding the beat of Raito's heart and deepening the shade of red across Raito's face.

"My spine hurts, Light-kun…oh, I must inform you that I will be calling you Hatchi on our way out of this, okay?"

"Riku…why are you…ehm…" Raito wanted to ask, but stopped himself

"I've been under-cover before, Hatchi, I know very well how to make myself a separate gender."

Raito blushed more deeply as he nodded in understand and asked, "So how are we getting out of here?"

L glanced towards the talkative mob towards the front of the house and told Raito simply, "We're going to walk through them."

"Walk through them?! They'll recognize me!" Raito yelled in a whisper

"Calm yourself, Hatchi, I've got a plan…just play along to whatever I say or do, okay?"

Raito nodded positively as they set off towards the front yard. L led Raito to the side of the mob; everyone was facing the house except for a lone police officer who spotted the two, suspiciously moving against the grain of the crowd.

"Oi, you two!" the man called

L, instead of running or hiding, ran towards the officer and with his hands placed delicately in front of what must have been one of Misa's bras stuffed to his chest he pleaded with eyes so sad and dark,

"Oh, can you please help me? I'm supposed to have met my father at his work building but it started raining and we got so caught up in it all that we made a wrong turn and now I have know clue where I am!"

Raito almost laughed at how well L could manipulate his voice; the officer's face softened as he was clearly charmed by L.

"Oh, well where do you have to go, young lady?"

L directed the man with his hands as to where their office was located, though referred to it as her father's office. Finally the man said,

"Well I can drive you there no problem! Can I have your names?"

"My name is Riku Satsu and that is my brother, Hatchi." L replied sweetly

The officer smiled and told L kindly, "Well, then I'll happily take you two to your father."

L faked a smile so flirtatious it almost made Raito jealous…whoa…jealous? What?

L gripped Raito's hand, but softly, gently. His spidery, silk fingers entwining with Raito's as he pulled Raito to the police car. Raito flustered more deeply at the touch of L's hand playing along with his fingers.

L looked back at Raito; it had seemed like so long since Raito smiled and meant it. It felt like it had been so long since he had been honest with someone. Raito didn't know…not at the beginning. He didn't know that if he let a little honesty slip out…that the rest of it that had huddled itself away inside the dark corners of his heart would arrive and envelope his heart and mind.

He didn't know.

He still didn't know.

As they crawled into the back of the cop's car and buckled themselves in, Raito noted that L still did not release his hand. There was a very sudden crash of lightening that caused L to grip Raito's hand a little tighter. From gazing out of the fogged window, Raito immediately looked to L worriedly. L looked back at him, seemingly embarrassed; of course, as always there was no emotion in L's eyes or face, but there was a blush along his cheeks.

L instantaneously let go of Raito's hand and looked out the window again. Raito did not know what to say nor what to do. Here, the three most intelligent, successful detectives in the world walked right up to a cop and faked his way into getting a ride to his office. In all honesty, the plan would've seemed ridiculously stupid if told to someone, but when you're there. When you're there…then it's different. When you're there, it's bloody genius. When you're there, you've got two choices: get attacked by mob of reporters, fans, on-lookers, haters, police and writers or you get back safely to your office.

And here, simply a change of clothes and name makes him totally unrecognizable. Because he's L…

L

Disgusting, infuriating, aggravating L

…L

But…no matter what Raito told himself, L was a genius. A child prodigy like himself. Irreplaceable. So valuable to this world in so many ways. Raito thought for a moment…if the Death Note had landed in L's arms…what would he have done? He wants justice for those wronged, he wants truth for those who were proven false, he wants fixture for those broken, closure for those opened and torn apart, would he do it too? Would he take his pen and write down all of those…who he believed the world would be better off without?

Something about the ora of that question made Raito let it back away from the front of his mind. Instead he decided to appreciate the silken texture L's hair took on, and the ghostly figure he truly was.

_He's been sincere this whole night…I wonder what it is that he's after. If he is Kira, he wants my name…he wants me dead…but I don't think that Kira would give me his coat to shelter me from the rain. Kira would want to see me shake and tremble…well…I'll have to put thought to this…real thought…I don't think I can spend anymore time like this with Light-kun…I'm sure I've already gone on so long with him that he's grown closer to my heart than I can acknowledge now…I suppose I'll have to wait and see._


	7. Chapter 7: I Want You On My Side

When the officer had dropped the two off back at the office and said his good-byes to what he thought was the young lady he had been so charmed by they entered their building. No one was inside, the lights were shut down and Raito had a feeling the group of investigators left, fearing they'd be stuck in a power-outage with traffic to deal with on their ways home.

Raito was finally going to ask L why he chose such a disguise but he turned to see him on his cell phone.

"Watari, it is me, L."

…

"Yes."

…

"Never."

…

"The second."

…

"I want you to inform the group that we will not be returning to the regular office for some time."

"What? Why?" Raito interrupted

L, though, did not look to Raito.

"Can you arrange something like that?" Asked L

…

"Wonderful, then we will see you soon."

…

"Good-bye."

"What's going on?" Raito finally begged

L turned to Raito, his expression as unreadable as ever, replying simply, "We cannot stay in this area. We will be spotted and recognized far too easily and the news is spreading fast. We must stay under the radar until the incident is forgotten. I think it best that you accompany me to my nomadic pattern of hotels. It is in your best interest to stay with me; if you are seen and accused of having relations with me I am sure you will be arrested and questioned until you break."

Raito felt defensive suddenly and taking a step forward, clenching his fists he snapped, "I would never break if it's to protect you, Ryuuzaki."

L blushed again; he was sure that his blood was sick of rushing to his face. This day was so strange, he was simply trying to observe if Raito would try to grow closer to him and now he was in lady panties out-running pervert policemen.

L let his hair out of the little skulls that held them in their pigtails, and shook his hair hoping it would return to the messy style he was much more accustomed to. It did not; he had brushed it so well that it was straight and silky, much like Mikami's. L gazed to Raito, highly interested in what he was thinking at the moment.

_He's frustrated._

L could see it in the angry fluster under Raito's eyes, how his eyebrows were painted so inwardly and in the smoky emotion that rose over his maroon eyes. L took a few steps forward, away from Raito.

_My presence bothers him. That is because he is Kira._

As L looked out to the rain pouring, now, from outside the window he thought now would be a good time to be making important decisions. Light Yagami…Kira-sama. A serial killer with a god complex. A killer. Vicious, angry, vengeful, ignorant, controlling, immature and genius.

_There is nothing you can do to help him._

L could not let this thought be forgotten. He had to remember, he had to know deep within him that there was absolutely nothing that he could do to fix this man. Not even a man, he's a boy. A young boy, losing everything like sand through his fingers.

_There…is nothing…I can do…_

Nothing. A child prodigy, with the support of the majority of the world, hero to millions, money overflowing from him and he can't do anything?

_No, don't go trying to convince yourself you can change this. He has chosen his path and…you've had yours planned out since the beginning. Kira, no one else may have been able to figure you out, but I've known from day one. I knew to suspect you, Light, and it makes no difference to me if the other investigators believe me or not. You play a perfect role of a kind, interesting, social young boy-genius, but I will find evidence. And I will get you._

L moved his dark eyes across the fogged edge of the window and turned to Raito again. He felt like complaining about the pain he was in, so he spoke out,

"My back hurts."

"Why do you keep saying that?" Raito asked curiously

"I'm wearing a corset… something to make me have a more feminine structure, but it straightens my back too much."

Raito laughed and told L, "It's not straightened too much, it's straightened regularly, you're just slumping all the time."

L wanted to laugh along with Raito, but he did not want Raito to be comfortable with him. There was a dark evil in Raito. It was radiating, pulsating and alive, running on the spilled blood of criminals. If he smiled, that darkness, glowing crimson red within his silent heart would be satisfied in extracting loving attention from his enemy.

L looked back towards the window; the rain falling always relaxed him. It made him remember that eventually, everything comes to an end. The rain swirls in clouds of grey, safe and sound until it begins to fall. Falling, leaving everything you've ever known to release out into the unknown. Everything crashing, dropping all around you, no one to appreciate only you; never anything special among all of the other, slowly dying drops of grey.

They make everyone sad. No one enjoys the rain; it stops them from being healthy, from playing, from being warm and cozy, from going to work and making money. It interrupts life, and it has to carry the guilt and worry and sadness around on its light H20 coding. L can rest at night, though, because he knows that after the pain, the drawn out torture, the little strips of liquid glass reach the ground and splatter into nothingness.

They group into all of the life among the ground, and the torture is over. They don't have to worry anymore, they don't have to be sad anymore, and they don't have to be bothersome anymore. They are guilty of nothing. They're just raindrops joining the Earth, and their short turn at life is over. It let L rest when he knew, that all of this torture would end. It would take time, and he would lose a lot along the way, and he would leave behind everything he's ever loved or known to splatter across whatever is ahead of him, but he has this short life now.

He has a short life that no one can destroy; no one can touch but him. He can lock himself away in the strings, letters and numbers that create him and ignore the sadness and annoyance he brings to others and march through until the bittersweet end that he was sure to meet. That let him rest. The promise of someday, not having a tomorrow.

He turned to Raito again, taking his index finger into his lips before stating, "I wouldn't break for you either, Light-kun."

Raito flustered at the sudden delayed reaction. He smiled, though, he felt his glassy eyes softening and his lips curling. He wanted to show L in any way that he could that what he felt right then, and what he said when he spoke now was as real as he could ever be with L. It wasn't his fault, really. It was L's.

It was all L's fault that life had to progress like this. If L wasn't so awful stubborn and blind, he would be able to see that Kira could save this world. If he wasn't so stupid, and ignorant, Raito was sure L would view his decisions in a new light and help him in any way he could.

"Thank you, Ryuuzaki."

L nodded to him, but as L was about to turn back to the window Raito's voice stopped him again;

"Hey, Ryuuzaki…"

L turned back towards Raito, emotionless as always, "Yes?"

"Why don't you let anyone call you L?"

"Isn't that clear, Light-kun."

"I understand in public, but you don't even let the investigators call you by your professional name."

L searched Raito's face for some dark separate reason for wanting this information, but he could nothing besides curiosity. L simply looked away, without saying a word in response to his question. He looked through sad, annoying, blessed grey fog of rain to see the black car of Watari pull up.

"He's here."

Raito sighed

_He's hiding something._

L turned around to Raito again, "Let's go."

Raito felt an ache in his chest, but pushed it aside.

"Yes, Ryuuzaki."


	8. Chapter 8: Ashamed of Being Broken in

**Hey, guys, err…it's a little short, this one, but…I'm very ill, so…it's hard to be in my basement for long times writing, but hope you guys like it and I'll probably put more up tonight. :**

L and Raito had been silent in the car for a long while. Raito thought that Watari must be wondering as to why L was dressed as a woman. L leaned over to Watari's darkened figure driving and murmured something incoherent from Raito's distance. As L sat back into his leather seat, Raito frowned, looking down at his dexterous hands.

"I'm sorry, Ryuuzaki."

L looked to Raito somewhat intrigued looking as he asked, "Sorry?"

"I know that this is all my fault. I made you come out when you knew better and wanted to stay inside. I know now that it was wrong of me to force you out there, I just wanted to repay you."

L's enormous black eyes moved across Raito's features; part of what he said was a complete lie, but L could not determine which part exactly. There was deep emotion leaking freely from Raito's chestnut eyes. It aggravated L more than anyone could understand to be unable to comprehend something. He felt this aggravation frequently, when he could not understand emotions such as these. He knew he was so locked away, he knew he was so distant and emotionally unavailable.

He wanted so badly to have the ability to read emotions. He was the best detectives in the world. Right now. If he had the capability to feel like a normal person, he knew he would feel like the best. The price of being able to see other's feelings, though, is to have your own. You enter out into the world and the evil people out there shake down everything you are onto the drawing board and try to make you what they like better.

They will tell you everything you wanted someone else to say, they will steal everything from you and make you memorize all of the lies that are typed out in their history books. They'll do it to every other red lollipop and grey fallen raindrop betrothed with nothingness; they won't get tired, because the want to see the pain and they want to see the obedience radiating from their armies of broken-in soldiers. You don't even have to fight to be part of their war. You have to live in their world, and you are at fault no matter what you say or do.

That is the price they pay, for feeling.

L lowered his head a little before telling Raito, "I forgive you, Light-kun. It is nothing unfixable. I simply have to go back into hiding for a while. I've been thinking about it anyway."

Raito didn't smile, but his expression did change. He didn't know what he was feeling at the moment, so he couldn't illustrate it onto his look. All he could do then was gaze at the brilliant man across from him.

_Damn Kira. Light-kun can feel, he can see feeling and he can kill with a face and name. I wonder if this is some kind of sign that I should…no. I have to find evidence against him and get him in that damned execution room. He's probably feeling proud and clever that he can out run me all this time, but he is deadly wrong. Spoiled. That is a good word to describe him. Kira, obsessed with power and control…he's like the broken-in soldiers' generals. Nothing but a speck of being who wants everyone to be one way for the rest of time. He will regret, greatly, having ever wished anything of the sort._

L looked back out the window. He tried to watch rain drops individually, giving them a chance to be noticed, to be under the spotlight of just one human being if only for a second before they hit the Earth. L found his eyes feeling tired and strained after only a few moments. He wondered if this filled the raindrops with false hope.

Raito mulled over the excuses he could use for staring at L if he so decided to ask him at some point. He decided that it would be no use, though and rather than being interrogated with L's signature, bothersome scaffolding questions he looked out his own window. He almost jumped out of his skin (though he hid it well), when he saw Ryuk outside the car window, flying beside him.

He heard Ryuk laugh and elevate higher into the air, until Raito was sure he was sitting on top of the car. The sight of the immature shinigami, though, reminded him as to why he was latching onto L so desperately today. Brilliance, then, struck him so perfectly in his mind. He will be living with L until it's safe to go outside again! He will be able to grow immensely close to him in that time, and even more perfectly they will not be surrounded by the idiots Matsuda and all the rest.

Raito wanted to laugh out manically, but clearly he stayed cool and collect under his realization. He moved his glorified glare to L, his irises glowing red…

_Your end is so near, L_

L felt Raito's intent gaze upon him. It was angry, it was strong and pulsating. It was more than a killer's strong look. It was painful, long, dark and agonizing, no doubt. The way he could feel Raito's vision crawling over everything on him made him feel uncomfortable and defensive. To show Raito in some small way that he knew exactly what he was thinking he twisted to look at Raito.

Their eyes met; it was hateful, competitive and a twisted sickness. It was like a dark barrier keeping them from coming near each other or truly knowing each other. The icy bullets that shot from the black holes that were L's eyes felt like electricity through Raito's being. He had never received such a look from anyone before. Raito tried to read L's emotions, but nothing was like an open book with L. He was so well hidden all the damn time.

As always, he could not tell what L was feeling by simply looking, but the anger and hatred that ran through him from that simple connection of sight told him everything he needed to know.

"_Yes. He is a human after all. He has __emotions__, insecurities, fears…right?"_

This day was simply getting better by the minute.

L was very tired; though he knew he couldn't sleep and wouldn't try. This competition of who can look more powerful was boring him and he decided to look away from Raito with a yawn. L couldn't see Raito's face but felt his air change into one of frustrated, anti-climactic irritation. L was not playing games anymore. Hell, he was never playing games.

There was no fiber, no cell, no microscopic piece of the letters, strings and numbers that created L that wanted to hate Light Yagami. He wanted desperately to be close to Light's heart. He wanted so much, so badly, but if he wanted to stay alive, he could never have. Maybe by showing these glares to Light, just as he watched some of the raindrops die out, he was filling Light with a false hope that killing him would make everything easier.

Maybe by spending this time with him; advising Light to stay with him for his own safety, perhaps he was coating Light in a false sense of security. In all honesty, L knew that if this terrible, violent, bloody truth that forced L to eventually capture and kill Light was not in existence, that there was nothing he could do for Light. There was absolutely nothing that L could do to make life more enjoyable; he was not a good friend, judged harshly as a person, and he was simply no good at anything but deduction.

L could never mean anything to Kira.

L could never mean anything to Light.

Light was always the closest thing he'd had to a friend. It tore his heart apart to think of the terrible things that brought them together. The blood spill, vengeance and darkness inside of the seemingly normal student Light Yagami had brought him to the detached inspector. It was a greater power telling L, possibly that the only thing L could be to Light was an enemy. All L could ever be to Kira was an enemy.

As L looked down to the black wheels of the car rolling through a puddle he wondered if this tortured Light Yagami as much as it did him.


	9. Chapter 9: We're Getting Off Track

When they finally arrived at the hotel Watari had separated himself and L from Raito for a few moments to mutter some secretive whispers. L soon returned, revealing nothing in his countenance but waved Watari good-bye. Raito simply could not take L seriously in the outfit he was wearing.

L looked to Raito and they both nodded silently before heading into the rotating doors. They very quickly collected their room key and took an elevator to the top floor to a very extravagant room. It was large, but small at the same time.

There was a large television, there were two queen-sized beds with thick, puffy beddings. The bedposts behind the pillows seemed to go up the long wall for miles, their wooden structure carved to look like a labyrinth of flowers. The room all around was a soft tan with off-white carpeting. There was a small sofa and a love seat that all sat around a wooden coffee table.

The wall that sat a few feet behind the sofa was a giant window, rather than a wall. It looked out onto the whole busy, rainy city. After this combination of two rooms in one you walked out of the living room-area into a kitchen/dining room area, and in the hall that led to it was a marble-floored bathroom.

L seemed to approve of the room as he looked around. He looked to Raito and announced, "I'm taking a shower now, Light-kun."

Raito nodded and replied, "Fine. I'm going to see if the news is following up anything from Misa's house."

L nodded positively and walked away from the small sofa Raito had decided to rest upon, into the hall and entered the bathroom. Raito gripped the silver remote and turned it on to see it automatically entering the late night news.

Raito sank down into the swollen cushion of the couch after hearing a report that Ms. Misa Amane was safe at home, alone now that it was proven she was not keeping L or any other detective in her home. Even Raito felt a little intruded upon when he thought of a demanding mob marching through Misa's house, searching for something that was long gone.

Out of the exhaustion of the absurd day, and the lack of sleep from the night prior he fell asleep on the couch.

He awoke only an hour later to sit up with somewhat messy hair. He looked behind him to the crooked figure standing shirtless before the window. His hair was hanging thickly, shiny and dripping; a towel was hung around his shoulders. Raito watched in admiring wonderment as the spidery hand of the detective rose and rested against the glass.

"Ryuuzaki?"

L turned around slowly, letting his hand fall from the window and hang by his waist. His gaze was tired and worn as he replied softly;

"I would've told you I was out of the shower and standing behind you, but I didn't want to take you from your rest. That was the point of me letting you have today off after all."

Raito blushed as he looked at L's thin, but strong torso. The light shading of his pack filled Light with something he hadn't experienced before. He felt like if he spoke out in response he would scream out something embarrassing or not make any sense at all. He looked away from L, trying to push down the red from his cheeks as he said, "Ah, I see…don't worry about it. Thank you."

L lifted his small white towel over his head, letting it rest on top of his ink black hair as he told Raito, "I am sorry, Light-kun."

Raito cocked an eyebrow and asked, "Sorry about what?"

"I'm aware of the fact that I may have caused you some sexual frustration today by dressing in your girlfriend's clothing."

Raito blushed furiously as he snapped, "W-what?! N-no, I'm not…ehm…first of all, she's not my girlfriend, really. I've told you this a million times, that relationship is entirely one-sided."

L sighed and stated, "Well, then I'm sorry that looking like a girl caused you sexual frustration. Had I known I may have been able to come up with a better disguise or something."

"It didn't bother me…"

Raito noticed that the honesty he thought he would have control over was taking over his brain and would let spill anything on his mind…that made him worry terribly…

L looked to him, begging him to elaborate silently…

Raito swallowed and continued, "Because honestly, I think you're much more attractive as yourself."

L blushed and looking away quickly before responding, "T-thank you, Light-kun."

The stutter caught Raito's attention. He changed the subject and asked, "Ryuuzaki…why don't you let anyone call you L?"

L had thought he escaped that question hours ago, but decided he would not be able to out-run this question. He looked back at Raito looking stern and nearly intimidating as he replied,

"Because it is the closest to my name."

Raito's heart skipped a million beats in one. Why in all of hell would L tell him something like that? What could possibly possess the most well hidden detective to reveal something so crucial about himself? Was it because…L trusted Raito? Did he tell him as some kind of reward for having been honest with him?

"O-oh, I see…"

Raito looked away somewhat bashfully but looked back at L walking over to one of the beds. He sat at the side and lifted his body onto the bedding; his back resting in the cushiony blanket. He let his dripping black hair hang from the end of the bed, his thick, dark lashes folding over each other on his cheeks, eyes closed. He was taking his towel in his long, thin arms and running the towel through his inky charcoal hair in an attempt to dry it.

"What are you doing?" Raito asked, watching with a furious blush, the detective bend and stretch his spidery body over the end of the bed.

L moved his ebony eyes to Raito and didn't move them for a long time before stating, "I am trying to dry off my hair, Light-kun."

Raito felt an unusual thump in his chest at the sight and decided to remove the image from his vision. He laid down on the couch, his arms linked behind his head as he closed his eyes, though his eyebrows were knit angrily; he tried desperately to make the hot blood in his cheeks sink back in vain.

"Light-kun…"

"Yeah?"

"I would like to travel to the Boboli Gardens before I die."

Raito, without opening his eyes, perked up one of his brows in curiosity and asked,

"Why?"

"I have heard wonderful stories of it's beauty."

"Well, Italy is a beautiful place."

L sighed and stated, "I wish…one could move through life without worrying about money or jobs. I would simply like to travel the rest of my life if I could."

Raito smiled and replied, "I'm sure the wish isn't only your own."

"Light-kun?"

"Yeah?"

"Would you mind getting me a comb? I happen to know this hotel keeps combs in each second drawer to the left of the sink."

Raito sighed and replied in a grunt, "Yeah, sure."

Raito rose from his comfortable seat and sluggishly slumped to the bathroom. He stared at the sink and the drawers around it. He was so tired; he couldn't recall which direction was left or right. He decided instead of using whatever energy was left in his exhausted, over-worked brain to lift his hands and see which thumb and index finger made an L, he searched every drawer until he found it.

It was black and it's teeth were thin and it was about as tall as the length of Raito's wrist to the tip of his index finger. He wrapped his digits around it and walked out of the room, snapping the lights off by letting his tired hand run over the switches. He walked back into the room, but as he walked towards L he stumbled on the shoes he had knocked off earlier.

He tripped, and tried to recover, but as he rose he heard something very disturbing.

Laughter.

Raito was looking at his clutched hand, wondering if he was hearing someone else. He knew it was impossible. L and him were the only ones in the room. He let his eyes rise to collect the insanity ahead of him. It was L laughing. Hysterically. It was the strangest, most foreign thing his brain has ever had to try and comprehend.

L was nearly falling off of the bed, his long black hair falling from his head like a smoky waterfall. His thin, long fingers wrapped around his stomach in pain as his wide smile grew. His rosy cheeks glowing, his white teeth showing through as he laughed out.

Raito blinked…

"Ryuuzaki?"

He got no response but nearly silent laughter, breathless and completely sincere. Raito had no idea what to do. He had never even seen L smile…he looked to it and wondered if he should study and memorize it now, for he may never see it again. It was the first time L was an open book, you could look at him and know exactly what he was feeling.

"L-light-k-k-kun!" L managed to laugh out

_H-His face was so p-priceless! Like a d-d-damned z-zombie! W-Why do I find this s-so funny?! I c-can't stop l-l-laughing! _

"Aha…Ryuuzaki?" Raito chuckled

At the sound of Raito's voice, L broke out into an even more fierce laughter. Raito couldn't help himself now, he slowly broke into laughter. He laughed as he walked over to L falling off of the bed; his head nearly on the ground and went to put the comb on the bed. Raito blushed as he felt L grip his sweater and laugh out, "M-my stomach h-h-hurts so much!"

Raito laughed at the pathetic sight of his hysterical laughter. Raito finally stated in laughter,

"I just fell, Ryuuzaki, w-why do you think it's so funny?"

All L could do was laugh; he then gripped the sides of Raito's jeans and made him stumble over onto the ground again. Raito rubbed his head in laughter as he cursed Ryuuzaki, not that it mattered much, because l was so wrapped up in his laughing fit.

"O-oh yeah, R-Ryuuzaki?" Raito said as he gripped L's arms

He wrapped his hands around the thin underarms of L and pulled him down from the bed, onto the floor. They both burst out in a new season of laughter as L flipped over his head and was scrambled over Raito on the floor. L reached his flexible arm over his head and messed up Raito's hair in a sort of vengeance for pulling him off the bed.

Raito leaned a little more towards L and smacked his head playfully. L nearly growled, but it was muffled by his laughter. He then returned the attack by turning on his side and lifting a punch towards Raito. Raito, laughing as well, lifted his palm and captured L's fist and wrapped his digits over it. L went to attacked with his other fist, but it was caught as well and when the laughter began to die out into chuckles and grins L noticed what he was doing…

L was straddling Raito, his knees rubbing against the carpet. His baggy jeans hung loosely from him, his hair dripping onto Raito as his playful face smiled at Raito from over him. Raito grinned with a cherry face and stated, "I've never seen you like this."

"What?"

"I've never seen you…laughing or…anything…"

"I've never really been happy."

Raito felt his heart skip, but to ignore it and not let his romantic mind swoop over the rest of his sanity he replied, "So you were happy when I fell?!"

L laughed again and told him, "It looked a lot funnier from where I was."

Raito laughed and responded softly, "Yes, well from where I am I may not think those Boboli Gardens are as beautiful as you make them out to be."

L chuckled and began, "Light-kun…"

"Yeah?" Raito asked with soft eyes

"You're good at being my friend."

Raito blushed; L was so awkward, so detached and strange. When he worded anything that had to do with his emotions it sounded weird and graceless. The way he said it to Raito, though…

"_You're good at being my friend."_

Was L trying to tell him that he knew it was all an act?

A scarier thought… was it all an act?

"You're good at being my friend, Ryuuzaki."


	10. Chapter 10: And I Want To Get You Back

**Hey there! Here's a new chapter, and for those who are concerned about it, I would like to warn ahead of time that this chapter does get a little perverse…nothing too bad, but…I don't really want any complaints about it or anything. Well, I'll also say thank you for all the reviews so far, they're all greatly appreciated and hope you guys enjoy you're new chapter:)**

The sight of L over him was intriguing. He had never even seen L smile, and only moments ago he was having a laughing fit. It seemed strange and separate from all of the other behavior he'd ever seen L portray. L always seemed so secretive, never letting anyone ever glimpse into what he truly was.

Raito was beginning to get worried, though. Not only worried, but confused. Slowly, more and pulses of pain would erupt from below his abdomen, and he worried that from L's stance, he would feel him. Raito blushed furiously at that thought; first of all, he had never been interested in a boy before. It was…weird.

Honestly, he had never been interested in women either, besides using them as tools to get to what he wanted. He could always control his…bodily functions…around them…maybe…maybe he was—

"I am?"

"Ah-huh?" Raito asked, caught off guard by L's voice

L was blushing and smiling gallantly over Raito as he asked cutely again, "I am? I'm a good friend, Light-kun?"

Raito became even redder at the adorable sight before him. L's inky, silk hair falling over feathers of itself, his softened hands cooperatively in Raito's, his smoky, wondering eyes wide and shimmering. And his smile…had Raito ever known L had such a beautiful smile…

"Of course, Ryuuzaki…"

Raito bent his elbows back onto the carpeted floor, pulling L closer to him. He watched curiously as L's entire face turned red. L was smiling; he couldn't even feel it at first, but as Raito's eyes became softened and humorous he felt it and he was ashamed…

His face sank back into its unreadable expression; still blushing he stood up and backed away from Raito. Raito lifted himself a little so he was sitting on his forearms and watching the crooked sleuth walk over to the window. Raito, bereaved, missed the detective's surprising warmth. He watched as L looked out to the rain and finally asked,

"What's wrong?"

L bent his head…

_Your childhood is over, L. Don't you dare go telling yourself that Raito can change you. You are a detective, you're the best and you're never wrong the first time. He's Kira, don't let yourself warm up to him…he just wants to kill you…he just wants to kill me…so why do I want to be so close to him? You'll just be another victim to Kira if you fall over yourself…but…I've never…I've never felt this need to be close, the need to have him in my hold…Don't think on it too much, or you'll drive yourself mad, L…it must be that damned 'real food' he gave me that's setting me off like this…_

"I'm sorry, Light-kun…"

L turned to Raito again; as the inspector turned his scrawny body towards him, Raito felt a skip in chest at the somber sight of him. He was back to his unchanging self; you could barely tell he had ever smiled in his life.

"Sorry for what?"

L bent his head down again. He hated admitting things like this…

"I…I had a weak moment. I didn't mean to burden you with that."

"A weak moment? You mean when you were laughing?" Raito asked incredulously

L was taken a little aback by the volume of Raito and the near anger in his voice.

"Ryuuzaki, that's not a weak moment. Are you out of your mind? I really…really appreciated that."

L tilted his head, some of his spidery fingers crawling out from his pockets as he asked,

"Appreciated what?"

_Weak…he appreciated seeing me weak. You see, L? You see what you've done to yourself now? You truly are just his enemy._

"I appreciated…seeing you like that…you know…smiling and laughing…it's just…it's just kind of…the first time I've ever seen you…so…human."

L blushed and made a face much like what Raito would imagine Misa would look like if she spotted a two-foot cockroach on the ground. It was a very strange sight, the expression drawn on L. Raito was about to ask L would put him off, but L soon asked softly,

"You don't think I'm human?"

Raito reddened as he replied somewhat embarrassedly, "Well, Ryuuzaki…you have to see what I mean…you're usually so distant and hard to be open with, and you just seem so unattached and immortal…and the fact that you're a genius along with all of your other traits…I mean, of course I know you're human, it's just…I've never really seen you…alive before…"

L was practically glowing red…

_Light-kun…isn't lying to me…_

"Kira…wants me dead…very badly…" L began

Raito didn't know where he was going with this, but listened attentively…

"But…you say you like to see me alive…"

Raito, automatically became defensive and snapped, "That's because I'm not Kira!"

L simply looked at Raito sadly and announced, "I'm going to get into my bed…"

Raito glared at the inspector as his serpentine figure walked over to the bed he had once fallen off of in hysterical laughter. He lifted the covers and curled into a fetal position, closing his restless, onyx eyes. Raito stayed on the floor, though…unmoving, anchored—completely bolted to the floor…

_I loved that…I loved seeing him smile and laugh and…and he's right…Kira shouldn't want that…but no matter what I tell myself, that sight of him laughing hysterically on the floor and red, beaming at me…I 'do' love to see him alive…for a minute…I felt like him, over me…holding my hands…that it was okay to stay like that…_

Raito gave himself a mental shake and looked to L's surely wake body.

_No. Shut up, I can't think like that. He 'is' my enemy. He wants me strapped to a chair with bolts of electricity shooting through me. He wants me dead just as much as I want him dead. That sadistic bastard thinks he can do the world better by letting those disgusting wrong-doers walk the Earth…he makes me sick. _

The lies upon lies that piled upon Raito's mind, though, would do no good to comfort him. He stood and walked over to the entrance of the room and switched off all of the lights. Had it not been for the lightening crackling outside, the room would've been dark as night. Raito was sitting on his bedding, one knee pulled up to his chin, the other silently kicking off the side of the bed like a metronome. He was having a breakdown.

It was sickening, twisting and confusing. Why would he ever give up a role such as God of the New World for someone as uncivil and uncouth as the ill-mannered, unrefined, artless baboon L? There was absolutely no reason he should feel so attached to the awkward man, after all, he had only spent one day with him. The hours, though, moved so slowly and everything the detective had told him was sincere and moving.

Raito decided then, he wanted to embrace whatever was attracting him to the ebony-haired boy…at least for now. He stepped off of his bed and walked over to the curled L. He tapped him and as a very wake voice asked, "Yes, Light-kun?"

Raito blushed and inquired, "Can i…can I stay with you?"

L turned over and asked, "Well you're staying with me for at least a good week, Light-kun."

Raito became more flushed as he stammered, "N-no…I mean…tonight."

"Yes, Light-kun, I didn't know you planned on leaving."

Raito fumed before snarling, "No…can I…stay in your bed with you?"

Raito felt his heart pounding, his blood racing, his mind swirling. L would surely say no; after all, Raito is practically a full-grown man, why would he seek comfort from the darkness of the storm outside in the arms of the lanky detective?

"If you so wish, Light-kun."

Raito was surprised to say the least, but didn't want to question L anymore. He instead removed his shirt; considering he'd probably end up wearing it tomorrow, and entered into the soft bedding. He was overcome with exhaustion and was greatly excited to be unconscious, but before he drifted off into sleep, he murmured gratefully to L, "Thank you, Ryuuzaki."

L blushed, though Raito would never know. L was staring into the darkness of the room, though he could see much more than the normal person; his eyes grown so used to staring into the dark for hours. He imagined the Boboli Gardens as he thought of his defiant friend.

_I like the feeling of him near. _

The thought wasn't complex, confusing or oddly worded like most of the thoughts that crossed through L's mind. It wasn't hard to understand, and in its simplicity was the bittersweet honesty L knew Raito deserved from him. L looked to Raito's sleeping image. His skin was fair, his expression was innocent and unbothered. L leaned in a little closer, capturing Raito's apparently sweet scent. It was so sweet smelling, it reminded L of his candies.

He leaned into Raito, resting his lips against the crook of his neck as he breathed in again. The scent was enticing to L. He ran his spidery finger down Raito's arm and onto his hand which was laid across his diaphragm. L leaned down and very quickly, silently and softly, as to not wake up the young brunette, flicked his tongue over the flesh of his hand. L's experiment of seeing whether Raito tasted as good as he smelled was a success and L was pleased to find he was sugary sweet.

L leaned down a little more, capturing Raito's index finger in his lips. L ran his tongue over and under his cloying digit. He extracted the taste from the boy without any perverse intentions; L had always been a bit unaware of sexuality. So when he had produced a pleasurable moan from Raito he backed away, frightened that if he should wake, he would be offended and leave L to his lonesome again.

L smiled to the sleeping boy, then. Admiring his shadowy features, and wondering what Raito dreamt of. That, though, L decided, was something he never wanted to view, for if he found that his friend's dreams consisted of the gruesome death of the inspector, he would be wounded beyond repair. Not that L worried about it in the end…for in the end, he would splash into nothingness and he wouldn't feel guilty anymore, bothersome anymore and he certainly wouldn't ever have to feel sad anymore.


	11. Chapter 11: I Want You To Trouble Me

**Hey, guys…ehm, just popping in to give a little warning for very, very, very slight pervertedness…not really so bad, it's…it's really nothing to worry about. Oh, and I would also like to say that I listened to a lot of Enya while I wrote this…so perhaps listen to it while you read so you can kinda get a feel for how I wanted to portray these next couple scenes…again, thanks for the reviews and hope you guys enjoy you're newest chapter:**

Raito woke, his eyes were heavy, but he was warm and so comfortable he thought he may never move again. He lifted his strong arms above his head, his palms spreading against the bedpost as he scrunched his back. He sighed with a smile as his muscles tingled and relaxed. He looked to his side, but found no L.

He looked around the room, until he saw him. His inky black hair resting against the glass window, his eyes closed, seemingly sleeping. His knees were drawn up, under his chin, as his arms crossed over his chest, either hand holding his shoulders. Raito lifted the covers and walked over to the crouched detective.

"Ryuuzaki…" Raito began to ask why he got out of the bed, but as he came closer he noticed something strange…

Streaks. Glossy streaks down the inspector's cheeks.

_He's been crying?_

"Ryuuzaki?"

He didn't stir, his frame looking as frail as a china plate. Raito didn't know what to do…why had L cried? Raito reached his hand out to L's shoulder and gingerly shook him, asking,

"Ryuuzaki? Ryuuzaki?"

L did not respond, only continued to look like a lifeless, sad, porcelain doll. Raito began to get nervous and decided to try something a little daring;

"…L?"

He stirred.

"…L?"

L let out a small whimper, which caused Raito's heart to tremor. He smiled softly, leaned down on one knee and held L's shoulders, over L's lanky fingers. Raito could feel his brain yelling at him, to play out the ideas in his head. None of them, though, consisted of killing the inspector. Raito then leaned in closer to L, lowering his eyes as he ran his cheek against L's moist teary residue. Then he pulled back, brushing his lips against L's silky fluster. Chills ran down the front of Raito, seeming to wrap around his neck and send shivers down his spine at the contact his lips made to L's ghostly flesh.

Unintentionally, he kissed L again, at the corner of L's shadowy, closed eyes. He smiled into the butterfly kisses; they were soft and timid, but they felt so good. Like slowly releasing something he had hidden away for far too long. Raito curved his digits around the backs of L's ears, lifting L's chin. He kissed down L's jaw line, down to his neck.

As Raito rested his lips on L's velvet skin he let the tip of his tongue run against him. He came to find L was just as sweet as the candies he devoured. Raito was frightened when he felt L shudder under him, so he tore from the sweet boy. He gazed lovingly to L…

_What the hell has gotten into me? What am I doing? _

Raito decided, though, if L would not wake that instead of letting L rest against the cold, fogged window, Raito would get him into bed. Raito removed L's left arm from across his chest, and instead had it hang over his own shoulder. He then slipped his strong arm over L's curved back, and latched his hand onto L's underarm. Once he had a hold on L's frame, he parted space between L's calves and thighs, pulling his other arm under his knees.

Raito thought L would've been a lot heavier, but when Raito put all of his strength in his arms to pick L up, L almost flew right out of his hold. Raito smiled at the feathery-light detective in his arms. Raito did not look away from L's content, tear-stained slumber as he reached the bed. He bent down and rested L's back onto the bedding, and as he slid his arm out from under L's back he went to back away.

He found, though, that he couldn't; he was being held down. He flustered when he felt the inspector's spidery fingers curling around his neck. It was clear that L was still unconscious, but nonetheless, L pulled him closer, apparently not wanting Raito to let go. Raito's entire body felt a rush of heat and blood filled his entire face when he heard L mutter softly and lovingly, "Light…"

Raito asked nearly silently, "L?"

There was no verbal response, but L's arms that were wrapped around Raito grew tighter, pulling him closer. Raito's face grew redder and redder as he slowly became nose-to-nose with the sleuth. He felt L's sleepy hand brush through the back of his chocolate hair as he whimpered again, "Light…"

Raito, though, closed his eyes as L pulled him to his lips. Raito took advantage of the fact that L was at a loss of control over his body and broke through L's shut lips and invited his tongue into L. Thinking it a dream, L returned the attention by playfully running his tongue against Raito's. As Raito became more and more comfortable he fixed himself over L; his palms spread out next to either of L's shoulders. He slowly crawled more onto the bed, somewhat straddling L.

_He's dreaming of me…he's dreaming of kissing me…he wanted to kiss me; is he doing this on purpose? Is this just going to end with him spewing another Kira percentage at me? What am I even thinking??? I'm not supposed to be with L. This is ridiculous, he's a sadistic bastard who only cares about himself! I shouldn't care so much, but I do…I wonder if this feeling will top the feelings that overwhelm me when I kill you, L…_

Raito felt his heart pounding painfully against his chest; his body screamed for L's and he couldn't determine why. He was contently tasting L when he felt L's hands grip his hair more tightly, trembling a little…as if he was in fear…

Raito released L's lips to look down unto them. They were a little swollen from Raito's hungry kisses, and as his eyes traveled across L's flustered features, he saw L's ebony eyes slowly opening.

"Light-kun…"

Raito's pink shading turned crimson red as he stuttered, "L…h-how long have you been awake?"

"W-what was that, Light-kun?"

Raito pushed away the broken thoughts trying to present themselves to the front of his mind; one thought, though, Raito couldn't suppress was the fact that he missed his name just being "Light" in Ryuuzaki's sleep. Raito gave himself a mental shake and replied, "W-what was what?"

L breathed shakily, his eyes shimmering with unshed tears as he asked simply, "W-what you were doing to me…"

Raito didn't know how to tell Ryuuzaki what he had been doing…

"I wasn't…I didn't…you lied to me."

L seemed desperately confused as he stated, "I lie about nothing, Light-kun."

"That's not true, you told me you weren't interested in romance, but then when I was carrying you, you kissed me." Raito snarled in defense

L blushed and told him, "Forgive me, then, Light-kun…"

Raito didn't expect L to give in so easily to the argument, and his pent up anger wouldn't subside.

"N-no! People don't just do stuff like that, L!"

"Stop, Light-kun."

Raito rose off of the frail boy and with a furious expression he bellowed, "No, L! You're controlling, manipulative and weird! You walk around like you own everything when you don't! You accuse me of being Kira when you have no proof, you lock me away for fifty days trying to convince me that I'm something I'm not and then you waste your money on everything that could possibly irritate someone with good ideas as to where that money could go, L!"

"Stop, Light-kun!" L interrupted, but Raito went on

"You slump around with disgusting posture, picking up everything like it's got a giant bug on it; don't sleep and if anything proves you wrong, it's not you that's wrong, it's the evidence. You're just so God damn full of yourself all the damn time, L! You're never willing to admit you were wrong, because God forbid the greatest detective yet, be wrong on one account every few years! You hide behind computer screens your whole life, and I'll tell you right now, you are not important enough to this world to be going into hiding because someone heard one of your stupid aliases, L! Not onl—"

"STOP!"

Raito let his frustrated screaming die out into repetitive, strong breathes in and out as L went on to say softly,

"You have no right to call me L."

Raito glared at L, but had no comeback.

"I don't want you to ever all me that again." He told Raito in a strong, but wounded voice.

Raito's eyes very slowly became sad, and as he apologetically reached out to touch L's shoulder, the detective moved away and walked to the raindrop-covered window. L laid his palm flatly on the surface of the glass as he suggested in a scratchy voice, "…If that is your opinion, Light-kun…then I think we should go back to the regular investigation room in a few days, rather than several weeks as planned. You feel safe, I will not keep you from going home."

Raito took a step towards the lanky insomniac but as he was about to apologize L turned his back to Raito and started walking towards the kitchen. He called back to Raito, though,

"I will send you to another hotel at the end of the day. I suppose I'll have Watari pick you up."

Raito watched the crooked vision of L disappear into the kitchen, and slowly he counted his regrets.


	12. Chapter 12: I Want You To Linger

L was looming over the wide window while Raito sat on the couch. Their silence was tense to Raito, but L seemed content and unbothered. Raito was looking at his reflection on the black T.V. screen, but he didn't turn it on, thinking for some reason that it would be inappropriate timing. He wished L would say something to him; the day was coming to an end and the silent hours had passed too quickly for Raito's taste.

He wished L would sit next him, grip his hand lovingly and tell him something that he felt. He wanted to feel L alive next to him, he wanted L to laugh hysterically with a face cherry red, he wanted L to cry in front of him; he wanted L to tell him what was on his mind besides the dumb percentages of how likely it is that he's Kira. He wanted to feel L breathing, wanted to feel his velvet, candy lips against L's again, he wanted L to walk over to him and admit how much he's in love with him.

He wanted L to want him; he wanted L to want to tell him what was on his mind and how he felt, and he wanted L to show him that he loved him. Raito's mind was pulsating with wishes that confused him and filled him with strange thoughts and memories. He decided that he wanted to speak out, he wanted L to hear him and he wanted more than just humid silence between them. Raito especially didn't want these hours to be silent if L truly believed he'd be gone for a few more weeks in hiding.

Raito blushed as he announced, "I'm sorry that I kissed you, Ryuuzaki."

He felt L's wide eyes turn to him; he immediately lifted his arm over the backside of the couch, twisting his torso to face L. The crooked detective had his white shirt's sleeves pulled over his fingers that were fitted inside his jean pockets. His wide ebony eyes examined the handsome brunette sitting on the couch and he felt a very foreign pain below his abdomen and an ache in his lips, yearning for the other boy's.

"I recall you telling me that I kissed you, Light-kun, thus I must be at fault. I am sorry, Light-kun."

Raito flustered and lowered his head, but no. He would not accept L's apology. He wanted to show L in any way he could that he was feeling something overpowering and confusing and it was all because of him.

"No…I said that mostly out of embarrassment…the truth is, Ryuuzaki…"

What was the truth? What was he going to tell L? Was he going to tell the detective about the romantic ideals in his head? Was he going to talk about how his body ached for him? Was he going to talk about how he would give anything to stay with him the next few weeks? If he could tell the scrawny inspector anything, anything at all, with all honesty and sincerity…what would he say? He could feel L's gaze pressing on him and his thoughts began to rush.

What was he going to say? Did he want to tell the other boy about how the past day has made him question if he was in love? Did he want to tell him about the hungry attraction he had to the inspector? What is it that he wanted to say? Or should he hold it back? Should he never say a word, so L's eventual death by his hands will be easier? Should he forget about this ridiculous emotions erupting inside of him? Should he leave behind all of the memories he had made with L in the past two days?

"The truth is, Ryuuzaki…"

Raito stood and walked up to L; he knew his was beet red, his fists were clutched and he silently gulped before looking the detective hard in the eyes. Raito finally finished,

"The truth is, Ryuuzaki…the truth is I wanted to kiss you…and…and the truth is, I was happy when I found that you dreamt of me…and…and I know that I could've fought against you pulling me down to kiss you, but I didn't because I know that deep down I wanted it…"

L blushed, but he was careful not to let any emotion show on him like he had with Raito in the recent past. He looked away, back to the window as he replied softly,

"That is a lie, Light-kun. I don't know why you would lie about such a thing, but I can't say I really care. The topic is irrelevant to the case, so I don't really care that it's a lie."

Raito's face sank as he quickly stammered, "W-what do you mean? I'm not lying, Ryuuzaki! I swear to you, I'm not lying! I wanted it!"

L turned to Raito and at the look in L's eyes; Raito couldn't help but be taken aback. The sight was somewhat pitiful, though his facial expression told you nothing; his eyes were shaky, shimmering, their eternally spiraling ora of smoke as incomprehensibly beautiful as ever…it seemed despite the pain in his bleeding heart, he could hide his sadness from Raito. L stared Raito down and asked,

"It is a lie. I am no fool, Light-kun."

"I'm not lying to you, Ryuuzaki, please, believe me! Why would it be a lie?" Raito begged

"Light-kun, you have Ms. Ama—"

"I've told you, that relationship is one-sided!" Raito interrupted

"Well, you're still Light Yagami." L stated calmly, his eyes unmoving, unchanging..

"What do you mean, I'm still 'Light Yagami'?" Raito asked, downcast

"You are still genius, young, popular, well-liked and handsome."

Raito blushed at the flattering description; he didn't know why, though. He already knew he was all of those wonderful things, but it must have effected him in such a way because it was coming from the boy he had been dreaming of.

"I still don't understand, Ryuuzaki!" Raito begged

"I'm saying, Light-kun, that it is impossible for you to have wanted to kiss me because I am nothing compared to you!"

Raito backed away a little…

"What?"

"I'm nothing, I am not youthful at heart anymore, I don't think I ever was; I am not popular or well-liked and I am certainly not handsome. There are no endearing qualities of which belong to me that you would be attracted to, Light-kun. That is why it is improbable and most likely, impossible. I am not interested in romance; I never lied to you."

Raito simply could not believe what he was hearing. It was so strange; in fact, that he was certain in a few moments he would wake up and there would be pounds of LSD around him. He was speechless as L continued,

"As you stated before, Light-kun; I'm controlling, manipulative and weird. I walk around like I own everything, I accuse you of being Kira when I have no evidence; I lock you away for months, then I waste money on everything that could possibly irritate someone with sanity. I slump around with disgusting posture, picking up everything like it's a giant bug, I don't sleep and if I'm ever questioned, it's the evidence against me that is wrong. I'm full of myself, never willing to admit I'm wrong, I hide behind computer screens all my life, and I am not important enough to common society to have to go into hiding if someone hears one of my several aliases….have I covered all of the points?"

Raito reddened in fury and embarrassment; he was ashamed of what he had said to L and the fact that L had nearly memorized everything he said word-for-word made him feel even worse. Raito stepped forward, reaching his hand out to cup L's cheek; L, though, tried to move away from Raito's palm. Insistent, though, Raito let his other hand quickly shoot to L's neck and wrapped his fingers around the back of L's neck.

He pulled L closer to him, inquiring, "Remember, Ryuuzaki, when I told you I found many beautiful things in you?"

L did not respond, only looked defiantly and deeply into Raito's maroon eyes. Raito took a step closer, leaving a little less than an inch between their chests as he continued,

"Whether or not you believe me now…I meant it."

Raito could feel L's spite die out in his hold and he felt himself leaning in closer to the detective. Raito could feel his hungry lips tingling, eager to meet their sugary sweet satisfaction. As he leaned in closer, though, he heard L asked,

"You're going to do it again?"

Raito's lowered eyes opened a little wider as he replied, "Sorry…"

Raito backed away, disappointed…

He had been rejected.

He was turning back towards the couch; his eyes lowered when he felt a spidery hand capture his jaw and pull him. He felt his lips very quickly, but lightly meet L's. He slowly, and as lightly as the sound of a violin slid his tongue over L's lips as a request for entrance. Raito nearly chuckled as he could feel L's nervousness radiating from him. Raito pulled himself closer to L, letting his strong hands cup the back of L's head; his fingers brushing through the detective's threads of jet black silk.

He felt L's lanky, soft hands resting against his chest; timid and fragile against him. He blushed as he felt L's tongue enter him and encourage him to continue his loving attention. Raito had kissed before; he'd kissed many times. Many people. Many girls. It wasn't entirely different, kissing a boy; the experience was different for he truly felt something for the figure in his arms.

Raito broke the kiss, to let L catch his breath. Raito chuckled very softly at the sight of the detective, at loss of breath. L looked up at Raito and showed him something simple. Something easy, uncomplicated, and elementary. A smile. Sincere, brave and basic, but to Raito, L's smile in that moment, in his arms, with the swollen pink shade Raito had left behind on his curved lips, it meant the world.

L made a slight moan as he tugged on Raito's sweater, Raito returned to physical life and laughed softly at the needy sound L had made as a request for another kiss. Raito smiled gallantly as he leaned down a little more and as he was about to capture L's smile in his own, they both heard a loud crash.

They looked at the source of the sound; the front of the room.

Oh, God.

"L-LIGHT?!"

"M-MISA? W-what are you doing here?!"

The blonde bane of their existence was standing in the threshold of the room; the door swung open. Raito read Misa's horrified expression and finally remembered that he was holding L to himself, lovingly and she may have seen him going to kiss L…

So what the hell now?


	13. Chapter 13: I Want So Much, So Bad

**Hey, sorry it's been so long! I know I spoil you guys with my quick updating! XP **

**But anyway, I was sick for so long that I had piles of school work to make up, so I haven't been able to sit down and actually write a chapter in forever! Not to mention I was at a Maroon 5 concert last night instead of writing at home, but anywho, I hope you like you're newest chapter and I'll try to get back into my updating pattern! Thanks for all your patience:**

"I was outside…I was outside, walking to my shoot and I was just looking around at the buildings and spotted you two in the window…I-I…"

Misa's dumbfounded expression soon turned fierce and angry as she snarled,

"Ryuuzaki, what the hell were you doing to Light!?"

Raito released L and began to approach Misa with an arm beginning to reach out to her; his palm spread out, as if asking her to calm herself. However, before Raito could get more than a foot closer to Misa another figure appeared in the doorway.

"Are you ready to go, Yagami-san?" the old man asked politely

Raito didn't know quite what to do, but he knew he had to get away from Misa as fast as he could and think up some reason as to why L would be in his arms. Raito looked back at L's innocent black eyes watching him. Everything seemed to slow down again; life was relaxed and everything in the air and beings around them sighed. The ebony paradise that L's eyes promised had wrapped Raito in their magnetism.

Foggy, suppressed emotion was pouring from them; offering Raito his wish. The blacks swirling in L's irises told Raito everything he needed to know; that L did not want Raito to go. If he stayed, he would be pressed by Misa as to why he had been gazing at L with such affectionate features. If he went, he may not see L for a long while…

He knew the better decision, though…

"Y-yeah, I'm ready…ehm…Ryuuzaki…"

L lifted his chin a little more as he slipped his stringy digits into his pockets, slumping into his signature position. He knew he would miss Raito terribly and half hated him for leaving him with Misa, but he happened to know that if he could've gotten out of the situation and left Raito behind, he most likely would. L let his head slip to one side, asking silently for Raito to complete his statement.

"I will see you…soon?" Raito asked shyly

L's eyes softened as he replied, "Tomorrow."

"You're not going to stay in hiding?"

"If you won't break, I won't." L stated softly

Raito blushed as he turned with a smile and happily walked out of the room with Watari;

"I will see you tomorrow then, Ryuuzaki."

Raito left the room leaving Misa and L alone. L was slumped over, his index finger hanging from his mouth as he lightly nibbled on the tip of his nail. Misa was glaring at him as she snarled,

"Light loves me, Ryuuzaki. He kisses me and holds me, and you have no right to step into our relationship."

"Light-kun…"

_He kisses and holds me as well…he says how the relationship is one-sided, though…could he be doing the same thing with the idea of our friendship? Is it a friendship anymore? Am I having romantic relations with him? I suppose…I really only kissed him because it felt…right…_

"Light-kun…told me…he sees beauty in me."

L didn't know how the statement would affect Misa; it wasn't revealing anything about their kiss, and it didn't reveal anything about how Raito had crawled into L's bed last night. L had not mentioned how Raito wanted L to see so badly that he had beauty within him, just very simply told her something he said. Misa seemed pushed back at L's defensive reply…

"W-what do you mean?" she asked desperately

"I mean that Light-kun told me that he has found something beautiful in me."

Misa began storming towards L, a rising anger in her burning eyes. She was infuriatingly jealous and the need to slap L across the face was too overwhelming to suppress. As she came towards L, though, he dove. With his hands still relaxed within his pockets' holds, he sent her a roundhouse kick to her neck. He did not apply too much pressure, to have her fall over; he did not want to hurt Ms. Amane. He simply held his naked foot against her neck, his eyes twinkling with threat, as if his foot at any moment could become a knife.

Watari and Raito lowered from their elevator and made it out into the parking lot. As they approached Watari's black car, the old man stopped Raito with a look. They stared for a long time before Watari told Raito,

"No matter how he fights it, I happen to know that L cares deeply about you, Yagami-san."

Raito flustered and replied, looking away, "Ehm…thank you, but…why would you tell me that?"

Watari looked up to the clearing sky and simply stated, "There has never been a moment L hasn't felt alone. No matter what kind of fatherly, parenting, or friendly position I tried to fill for him, he could always go on without me. Since he befriended you, though, Yagami-san…he has told me that he does not always feel so alone."

Raito looked back at the spectacles resting on the old man's wrinkled features. The man's mustache lifted as he smiled and said softly, "It's bound to rain again."

Watari looked towards the sky once more before walking around the car and stepping into the driver's seat. Raito watched suspiciously as he wondered if what Watari had told him should have had more than one meaning to him. He knew Watari would be able to tell if he was thinking too hard on something, so he quit while he was ahead; deciding to put it aside until he was alone with his thoughts. Instead of standing out in the rainy residue, he entered the car's back seat and reminisced fondly of the raven-haired detective pulling him into a kiss.

He had never seen courage in L, really; never in himself. So when he felt L's cold, ghostly palm pull him back into his arms and into the frail boy's snowflake-light kiss…it had been something he could've only dreamed of. L's lanky, pale fingers pulling on his sweater in attempt to receive another kiss; it made him fluster to just think of it.

The way L's unchanging ebony eyes pulled him closer; the feathery weight of which the detective provided. The way a simple run of his scrawny finger against his skin could make his heart pump and blood pulse. The elusive signs of care that had lost their misleading talents to Raito.

There was an emotion, foreign and unfamiliar to his blood-stained heart. Through the darkness, through the anger, the vengeance, the hunger for death there was some old, untouched switch that had been turned back on by L. Some button that triggered a series of memories, movies and songs in his mind's eye, some spark that had long been forgotten and pushed behind the ugly ambitions and morbid ideals. Something alive in him, breathing and completely new to him.

"L…"

Watari's expression did not change as he listened to Raito continue,

"…you're not his father."

"No, I'm not." Watari replied to what was Raito's question phrased as a statement.

"What are you to him? Just a partner? A caretaker?"

Watari did not glance back or waver in his steadfast composure towards the begging interrogation. He simply lowered his foot on the peddle, bringing them to a very gradual, gentle stop as they reached the red light and lowered his eyes. He smiled as he told Raito,

"I am no concern to you and the relationship you seek with L."

Raito blushed, but decided to ignore most of the response, "What do you mean 'no concern' to me? He…lets you call him 'L'…you must mean something to him."

Watari looked up again, as proud and fragile looking as L as he switched the pressures of his feet and set off down another glossy street. The time it took for Watari to answer him seemed elongated purposely; perhaps to observe if he would break into a sweat or sit up with his hands clutching some part of his seat desperately to hold back a punch. That, though, was not how Raito Yagami functioned.

He was poised and collect, sitting lightly on the leather black seat; one leg crossed over his other while a lazy hand sat under his chin, and elbow rested on the armrest under the window. His maroon eyes were low and accusing, his feathery hairs disguising them a gentle patience. He watched as the old man's furred upper lip finally parted with his bottom and reply,

"L is my son of whom I share no blood, Yagami-san."

Raito's dark, mundane expression did not draw anything other than that as he looked away from the back of Watari's seat and out the window. The ground was covered in rain, and although the sky was coated grey, it was rather bright outside.

_If he could tell the scrawny inspector anything, anything at all, with all honesty and sincerity…what would he say? _

_If I could have told that baboon anything at all, with all the honesty and sincerity in me…should I have not told him anything at all? Should…should I have rather asked him something? Anything I tell him he probably already knows…I get no closer to him telling him lies, but when I asked him…_

"_Because it is the closest to my name."_

…_he's an intriguing character, and if there was an award for an understatement, I'm sure I'd receive it for just that thought. I wonder, though…why did I kiss him? No, Light, you didn't kiss him, you let __him__ kiss __you__. Not that it matters much anymore…_

_No, no, no, don't get sidetracked—stay on target. You've got to think up something to tell Misa…he…uhh…fell? N-no that's the most idiotic…well…she "is" pretty stupid…not that stupid, though. I'm sure she'll want me to further explain. Hmmm…I'm too cluttered right now…I need to think out everything about Ryuuzaki before I go making up more lies to tell Misa…_

Raito sighed as he switched his legs' positions and watched the broken lines on the street become one as the car accelerated.

Life. Life moved fast. And Raito…Raito and L. They were two completely separate entities in this life, in this time and space. Life, swiftly moving by them, could it be that this life as brought the two to believe that they were one? In this wild goose chase, this quickening pace of life and time running faceless by them, could the vicious speed warp them into connecting, trusting…even loving each other?

That, though, will only prove to kill them both. For when the pace returns to it's monotonous momentum they will have the ability to see themselves apart; for what they truly are. Separate, and no matter what makes them similar; their genius, their hunger for justice, or their rectangular position on the ground, they will always be apart. They will always hunt each other, and they will always want to see the life leave each other's eyes.

There was nothing, absolutely nothing in Raito's being that wanted Ryuuzaki to die, but every fiber and cell within Light wanted L's blood on his hands. This pace, though, would thicken, and soon Ryuuzaki would see that there was no hope for them. Or…perhaps L already knew.

L held his leg up to Misa and as he lowered himself from her he told her simply,

"Ms. Amane, I plan to take nothing from you. You have nothing of consequence to me, thus I don't need your company, complaints nor your concern. If you are truly so bothered by my friendship with Light-kun, I take it you should confront him."

Misa looked down to the ground and told L sweetly, "I'm sorry I got so angry, Ryuuzaki. Thank you."

"You're welcome, Ms. Amane."

Misa turned around, and as she was walking out the open door, she heard L's ghostly call,

"Oh, and Ms. Amane,"

She turned, "Yes, Ryuuzaki?"

"Don't require me to remind you again that I don't wish to hear of your romantic troubles."

She simply scowled and walked out of the door, leaving L alone to watch Watari's car pull out of the parking lot and onto the streets.


	14. Chapter 14: And Now I Know

**It's really short…but whatever. I didn't really have time today to write another whole chapter, but I figure I should supply you guys with something to hold off until tomorrow. Plus, I really wanted to write a short piece with Watari and L. So…here it is and hope you guys like it. Even though it's pathetically short. Lol :**

"Kira-sama."

Watari looked to the raven-haired boy sitting in his large armchair. His knees were resting under his chin, his legs held to his chest as he placed his tea cup on its saucer. His OCD would not allow him, however, to let remain the floral design facing the lamp. He instead wrapped his spidery digit around the handle and twisted it around.

L did not move his blank stare from the coffee table before him as he continued,

"He…wants to kill me, right, Watari?"

Watari's barren expression did not change as he replied, "Yes, L, he wants you dead quite terribly."

L looked around at the fogged window that had provided an icy pillow for him the night prior. He looked back at the reflection on the table and looked down upon himself, accusing the reflection of being Kira was his eyes. He saw no change in himself.

He stared and concentrated on the picture the glass granted, but his eyes refused to collect only that. His eyes saw all around him, around the table, on the carpeted floor; he wondered if life was always like that. You could try your very best to want only one thing, but will always be tempted by the surroundings.

Perhaps it was the same as the Boboli Gardens L so desperately wished to visit. If he tried to look at only one flower among the plethora, he knew his eyes would collect the other colors around him. Maybe…no matter how much he wanted to hate Kira, he would be distracted by Light. Perhaps his heart would look beyond its itching hatred to see what surrounds Kira; the shining friendship of Light Yagami. The tempting love of Light Yagami.

"Do you believe Kira-sama as the ability to see beauty?" L asked absently, his eyes bolted to his reflection which wavered under the traveling steam of his tea

Watari, unchanging as ever replied simply, "No, I do not believe so."

L's eyebrows lowered somewhat as his eyes lowered. He looked to his saddened reflection in his tea and watched his sugar cube break apart.

"Why not, Watari?"

"L?"

"Why, Watari? How do you know Kira-sama cannot see beauty?"

Watari looked to the ceiling, his hands wrapped against the small of his back as he told L,

"If he kills criminals, he does not believe in forgiving or mercy. If he cannot forgive, then when he sees something terribly ugly within a human, he cannot look past it. Every human has something terribly ugly within them, L."

L's features lifted a little as he said softly,

"That is correct, Watari. He could not see beauty past the ugliness…"

L turned back to the old man standing by the window as he added, "Not past the ugliness within a person."

Watari turned to L completely as he wondered, "Have you been told something you would rather forget?"

L looked to his knees, his fingers gripping the sides of his jeans a little tighter. Some hairs fell over his eyes as the steam of his tea rolled by him. He flustered a little as his heart thumped a little harder and his toes curled over the edge of his seat. He smiled nearly invisibly as he replied,

"I never want to forget."

Watari frowned a little as he came towards L and ran his wrinkled hand over L's feathery, ebony hair. L's lowered eyes closed as he wished terribly that narcolepsy would replace his insomnia and wrap him in an unconscious state of rapture. He wanted to feel tired and dream of a familiar maroon-eyed, auburn-haired boy genius whom he was infatuated with.

"Living, L, is an adventure, limited at that. You never know which road will take you or if you'll be where you're supposed to be. I don't think you should waste your time."

L smiled as he responded in a curled whisper, "Then dying will be a grand adventure."

Watari smiled, although his snowy eyes were a grave sadness. He knew to never question L, he knew to never wonder how he came to his conclusions. All Watari knew was the L was never wrong the first time. L was never wrong.

"What did he tell you?"

L could feel the pulsating warmth of the house burning in his memory against him. He could hear the crackling; he could taste the salty elixir his tears produced running down his lips. He could feel the light weight of himself as a child, slowly feeling Death's spirit walk past him and capture what was left for him in this world. Capture and steal away his future, his past and present. He could sense the dark ora wrapping itself around everything he could've had. He finally turned to Watari and said darkly as he opened his eyes,

"That there is beauty within me."


	15. Chapter 15: Now I'm Back On My Own

**Hey guys! I know, I suck, sorry. Lol, I've been trying, though! So I wrote a wopping 4-pager for you guys to make up for my stupid-mega-short-chapter. I'll be up with more hopefully tomorrow and I really hope you guys enjoy your new chapter! Again, thanks for all the reviews and PMs, they're wonderful and greatly, greatly, greatly appreciated!**

Raito was lying on his new hotel bed. He looked up at the ceiling, closing and opening one eye at a time, examining how the angles changed. He remembered how he would do that as he admired the jet-black haired detective from across the investigation room. He smiled as he thought of the young man…

Silky, ebony hair, dark, starry eyes. Fair, snow-white skin, hairless, silky and sugary-sweet flesh. Even in his terrible posture, his wide, accusing eyes, his strange behavior and disgusting hunger for desserts…he hypnotized Raito. There was something deep within L that captured Raito and sent him reeling, then pulling him back by his knees for more. Nearly silent, barely there at all…but he had become everything to Raito.

Some crouched, immature, uncouth, uncivilized, graceless miniscule spot of existence who stared wide-eyed at a computer screen all day, solving mysteries. That was all L was, some strange little creature cursed to never sleep, nor eat food that is good for him; damned to sit in front of a computer screen, accusing and deducting the rest of his meaningless life. The rest of his life; yes, the rest of it, until it is abruptly ended by L's premature death by Kira's invisible hands.

Raito turned over; almost hoping the thoughts such as those would spill from his ears and onto the bedding to leave him in peace. Peace, so that he could think romantically, just as his adolescent blood begged him to. His teenage heart so desperately pleading with him to let, just one, one simple image appear before his mind. One simple image, such as the detective's soft lips, or his dark eyes, or bending form over the end of the bed in laughter. One thought, one simple thought, such as kissing him, touching him, feeling him under his hands, whispering to him, loving him, being everything to him.

He blushed as he turned over again, onto his other side. He curled over, lifting his feet onto the clean bedding. His arms curled onto his chest as he closed his eyes, though he was not tired and thought. Thought of Ryuuzaki, his friend…his lover? Thought of L, his enemy. His world; his everything, anything and all that it implies. The only real thing he's ever felt, ever seen, ever heard, ever understood, ever loved, ever truly hated. He was everything to Raito. He was justice, he was vengeance, he was an idol, he was an enemy; he was cruelty, he was ignorance, he was aggravation, he was relaxation, he was love…he was hate…he was everything.

He was the whole world wrapped up neat with a big black bow. One Raito wished to untie, unravel and release what was inside. Peak under the cover of the hidden prize, to see its past, present, future, inside, outside and truth. All of the lies, he wanted revealed, he wanted all of the tears to be explained and he wanted to know if L's heart pumped as hard as his did when he thought of him. The passion flowed through him like a flood when he thought of L and the things he would do for Ryuuzaki.

The people he would kill, the torture he would perform, the torture he would endure for Ryuuzaki's love and safety. The sunsets he would miss, the moons he would destroy, the friends he would abandon, the love interests he would forget. The endless books he would read, the armies he would train, the stampedes he'd walk into, the traffic he'd play in, the shield he would provide from bullets. He would give anything for Ryuuzaki, and Raito prayed that L did not know of the pulsating, confusing emotions rushing through him.

There was always a change in the pace of Raito's heart around L. Around L? Or around Ryuuzaki? Ryuga? Coil? He didn't know anymore.

He didn't know what was wrong.

What was right.

All he knew was he wasn't himself anymore. He wasn't Light Yagami, he wasn't Raito, he wasn't Kira, he wasn't anyone…and he needed to decide who he wanted to be…

Kira…God of the New World to come…he was very powerful, very strong and always right.

Raito… didn't know who he was…

Light…Light Yagami…he was…he was in love. He was in love with the three best detectives in the world…

In love. He was in love? With a young man? Not only a young man, but a blank slate, a crouched, immature, uncouth, uncivilized, graceless miniscule spot of existence who stared wide-eyed at a computer screen all day, solving mysteries, some strange little creature cursed to never sleep, nor eat food that is good for him; damned to sit in front of a computer screen, accusing and deducting the rest of his meaningless life. That was what he was in love with. Everything L was and everything he wasn't drove Raito up the walls.

He was crazy for L. Always thinking of him, always thinking of L thinking of him, always thinking what L might be thinking, hoping, praying and wishing desperately he was in L's thoughts. He wanted desperately to tell Ryuuzaki, silly, meaningless things like, "I love you" or "I always want you by my side" or "I want to spend the rest of my life with you", ridiculous things. Things that have no meaning to Kira. And Kira was powerful, Kira was strong and Kira was always right.

Ryuuzaki, L, Erald Coil, Ryuga, Danuve…he meant nothing to Kira. Nothing but an enemy; something disgusting, repulsive, aggravating, infuriating—pitiful, spiteful that must be rid of this world as quickly as possible. That is what Kira thought…but Light Yagami…what did he think?

_I love him…_

Past the frustration, the irritation, the anxiety, the rage there was something glowing. Something sparkling white beyond the dark tunnel that was Raito's heart. Something only L could've brought out, something only that young man could see…

"_I could either spend my whole life thinking that there's truly one person out there in the world that would turn to me and think I was beautiful, when I know that I can't even see it, or I could move on and leave that invalid idea behind me. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a fictional tale, where I would always think that someone out there could love me."_

When Raito remembered L's words, he knew that when he turned to see L, he saw beauty and grace in him. Something no one else could ever have, something new and interesting. Like a blooming flower, it was shy, timid and quiet; only blooming when everyone was asleep, or when he was completely alone. L was a flower blooming at sunrise, some early winter morning. His death slowly approaching him, but the dew leaving the glossy streaks of tears Raito found. Leaving some sign, some type of evidence that he had truly opened at all.

That at some point L felt, L opened up, L unraveled the silk black bow that kept him secret from the world and revealed the black and white rose he was. Letting no one witness the tears form or cascade from him, never letting anyone reach out and caress his velvet petals. The time, always passing by him, slowly becoming the winter and stealing away what life he had left. While Kira was about, L could never truly be. L could never truly live. Time would pass, and be wasted. No matter what L did, he wasted his time chasing his tale.

Chasing is friend. His only friend.

There was a sudden knock as he heard a familiar voice ask through the door,

"Light-kun?"

Raito sat up eagerly, awaiting L's warm presence and ghostly appearance. He rose off of the bed, walking quickly over to the door, nearly jogging as he greatly anticipated L's lurking and dark exterior. He gripped the knob of the door to be immensely disappointed…

"Misa…what are you doing here? And since when have you started calling me –kun?"

Misa smiled viciously as she replied, "I knew if you thought it was Ryuuzaki you'd open the door."

Raito looked away as he glared and his stomach burned with rage. He inwardly fumed as he turned away and walked off to his bed again. He laid back down, his arms folded behind his head as he closed his eyes and asked, "So what is it you want?"

"Light…I want you to tell me you love me. And only me…"

"I love you."

"But…but, Light, if you love me, why do I see you kissing other people?"

Raito popped an eye open to look at Misa. He finally sat up and shot Misa a strange look as he snarled,

"I didn't kiss him."

"What were you doing then?"

…

"He fell."

"What?"

"You know…fell, I caught him. You know, he's like a china plate, he was telling me he was dizzy, so I held him up. I was only leaning forward to feel his forehead against mine to see if he had a fever."

Misa cocked an eyebrow suspiciously. Raito could feel his pulse growing louder in his ears.

_She's not buying it…_

Her expression then became cheery as she chirped, "Why don't you do sweet things like that for me!?"

He glared…

_She really is stupid._

"Misa, you should go. I don't think I'm supposed to have anyone over."

After a small argument, she did take her leave (reluctantly). Raito looked out his small window onto the busy streets. He saw Misa walk out the front doors eventually, and as the strange weather allowed it to drizzle a little in the humidity outside he felt his heart ache for L. When he was honest with himself, when he was released of his own red, blood-stained ribbon he could see the beauty in L. He could feel it, reaching him and wrapping him in ecstasy.

Touching his soul and releasing some strange, new, fascinating side of him. L was so much. Everything. He meant everything. Light loved him. Raito loved him. Kira…Kira, though…

_I must rid my heart of him._

L stared out of the window, knowing how Raito must be thinking of what was ahead of him. Of what was ahead of Kira.

_I'm dying. _


	16. Chapter 16: And Now We Start Seeing

**This is a very, very, very short chapter. I made a poll, which asks my "Downfall" readers to chose whether they would like or dislike a lemon chapter. No one took it, and I must plan out the scene if I am to write it, thus I need opinions. If I do not get feedback, there will be no lemon scene/chapter or anything concerning it and the story will progress without…uhh…perverted yaoi love…I will give two days time until I begin writing the next chapter to count on people leaving their opinions for my poll. Thank you.**

L was sitting against his bedpost, brokenly sipping tea every few moments. Thoughts were racing through his mind; deductions, conclusions, loop-holes, alibis, motives…

Watari was reading in the large armchair, though the lights were dim and the room was rather dark with the curtains shut. He looked up from the small print before him to slip his glasses a little further down his nose before asking, "L, are you alright?"

L moved his lowered gaze to Watari before stating, "Kira kills people."

"Yes, I know." Watari replied simply

"He wants to protect them, though."

Watari nodded, settling his book down on his lap silently as L continued,

"He wants justice for people wronged. He wants to protect them, to…see them alive…he loves them."

Watari begged L to continue with his icy eyes as he trailed off. L looked away from Watari, staring at the tips of his messy hair that loomed over his forehead as he thought…

_No matter what I do, I am destined to die by Light's hands. _

"Do you wonder why he would kill them, then?" Watari asked

"Of course not, Watari. I understand Kira's hunger for justice."

Watari's pupils shrank back as he asked a little shakily, "What do you mean by that, L?"

"He is trying to do the right thing, the wrong way. Kira is a child, I've told you this many times, Watari. He doesn't know what he's really doing…Light-kun says he sees beauty in me, and he has told me he loves seeing me alive. I think Light-kun wants justice for how he thought I have wronged myself."

Watari seemed very confused as he asked, "What in the world do you mean, L?"

"I mean to say, Watari that Light-kun knows of my nonexistent love-life. He is also aware that I care for no one but you and him. He is aware of my loneliness, and he is aware that I am alone of my own accord. He has known of my loneliness of some time now, and he has tried to convince me that I should look for someone who could love me."

Watari sighed and finally asked as if it had been asked a million times, "What did he do to you while you were alone with him, L?"

L's vision lowered to the light green vines on his teacup.

_I miss him terribly. I am also 64 percent sure that he aches for my company as well. Perhaps I should inform Watari of my wish for his accompaniment. He will ask me why, though, I'm sure. I don't really care much for explaining how I kissed Kira-sama. Not that it matters much anymore. Kira knows exactly what he wants from me…my life. Whether it be Light or Kira, he is determined to kill me…maybe I should just let myself fall…_

"I love Light-kun dearly."

Watari seemed taken aback at the statement that L seemed to spew absently. L's wide, wandering eyes traveled to Watari's, while his finger hung loosely from his lips. Watari's brain had slowed down in processing, as it took many silent moments before he stammered in response,

"I-I…how do you mean, L?"

"I'm taking a walk, Watari." L stated demandingly as he stood

L rose from his seat on the bed and shuffled to the door, slipping on his sandals and walking out the door…


	17. Chapter 17: My Heart's Heavy As Stone

**Hey, guys! Back, and I've made my lemon/lime-related decisions! If there will be lemon/lime, it will be in the next chapter, just figured I'd give you guys something to live off of until tomorrow…when you see if I put any lemon/lime stuff in…and I kinda love **

**leaving you guys in suspense OuO …lol, so here's your new chapter!**

Watari sighed and finally asked as if it had been asked a million times, "What did he do to you while you were alone with him, L?"

L's vision lowered to the light green vines on his teacup.

_I miss him terribly. I am also 64 percent sure that he aches for my company as well. Perhaps I should inform Watari of my wish for his accompaniment. He will ask me why, though, I'm sure. I don't really care much for explaining how I kissed Kira-sama. Not that it matters much anymore. Kira knows exactly what he wants from me…my life. Whether it be Light or Kira, he is determined to kill me…maybe I should just let myself fall…_

"I love Light-kun dearly."

Watari seemed taken aback at the statement that L seemed to spew absently. L's wide, wandering eyes traveled to Watari's, while his finger hung loosely from his lips. Watari's brain had slowed down in processing, as it took many silent moments before he stammered in response,

"I-I…how do you mean, L?"

"I'm taking a walk, Watari." L stated demandingly as he stood

L rose from his seat off the bed and shuffled to the door, slipping on his sandals and looking to the door…

He gripped the knob tightly, nearly shaking for reasons he couldn't place. He looked back at Watari, smiling as he announced,

"I mean to say he is everything to me."

Watari blushed as L turned away again and walked out the door. His thin legs seemed to be trembling as the sliced by each other down the carpeted halls and stairs. His twitching hands shook restlessly as his wired fingers pushed and pulled on each other within his jean pockets. His mind was racing, although there was nothing hard to comprehend happening around him or to him.

He wondered what it meant, to be patiently walking through a hallway, not truly knowing where you were headed and having a terrible sting in your heart, hands and legs. A flitting, antsy feeling in his stomach; something was wrong. Why was he acting like this? He was so nervous, he was so anxious, but there was nothing to be anxious for…

He finally jumped into the cycle of the rotating doors and quickly walked out onto the fogged streets of the city. He was unprotected, revealing his face to anyone and everyone who passed him. He cared nothing for the possibility that people who chased him to Misa's would see him and recognize him. He realized, that incident seemed as if it had happened years ago.

He pressed upon the swirling particles of miasma before him, stretching upon the city. Perhaps that could be him. The rain that never fell, the rain that always remained, simply by willing itself to. Maybe if he truly wished, and wanted so desperately enough, he wouldn't have to let the pain end. Perhaps the pain that was Light Yagami that pierced him so harshly was pleasuring enough for him to remain.

He could remain, so he could see another day of pain and anguish, slowly being crushed by the incandescent elation that Light provided for him. So that he could love one more day, so that he could appreciate one more single rain drop, so he could taste one more blueberry and vanilla lollipop, so that he could feel the twitch in his fingers, the race in his heart, the blood in his cheeks. To let the inspiration flood within him and let it pour from his eyes to Light's.

To live and love; one final wish of the lonely inspector.

His pace was quick as it was, his jeans brushing by each other, clipping to the thin lines that ran on their sides. His shoes were slowing him, though, and they seemed just as irritating as sneakers with the aggravated push of his unexplained anxiety.

There was pain rushing through him, but numbness as well; jubilation and misery, jealousy and acceptance, blood and water, blue and red, snow and fire, love and hatred. There was relaxation as well as the restless panic that loomed over his racing heart.

_Death_

He had no idea why his brain spewed such a word to him so absently. He knew the word, its definition, it's placement in grammar and society. He had always known it, but something was different now. The idea that soon enough there would be lines embedded within his pores, his eyes would die away their spark, his heart would tire and he would die. He would die, never knowing what would happen.

Never being able to look forward to it, or dread it. Releasing into the unknown, splashing, dropping, falling, unwrapping, shutting down, shooting through everything you used to be. Everything you used to have. Swiftly, Death will come by you and steal away your past, present and future. Take away all of your memories, all of the laughter, all of the happiness, all of the sadness, all of the jealousy, all of the wishes, all of the silence, the funny stories, the victories.

Simply steal it all away. Lock it up in some factory, push and pull it through shiny, metal machines and design it to fall into a vat of red syrup, or forever be rejected and forgotten among the blue and off-white candies. Death's icy hands would guide Kira's over the keys that would allow him to play the chords to L's declination. Their fingers would pull out the strings, letters and numbers that created him and they'll fold them nice and neat. They would then lay them to rest within the darkness of a pitch black chest.

Maybe they would take out all that he was, ever could be and let it fall into someone new. Someone more deserving. Someone who would ruin it, or treasure it more than he did. And maybe he would have no say in the matter.

The thick mist that he was charging through seemed to get brighter and brighter. Breaking and brushing across the faceless, nameless people that passed him. He stopped for a moment, ripping off his shoes and throwing them to the side as he quickened his pace. His feet hurt, and they were being punctured and cut by small pebbles, creases and trips in the sidewalk blocks, but he kept on.

He was chasing the invisible force that pulled him in whatever direction he was headed. His hair, eyes, lips, pores all felt the cold chill of the fog running through him as if it was the first time it had happened to him. He felt like he had taken a different form, became someone new, someone more than what he was. At that thought, his heart hurt and he quickened. He felt like crying like he had the other night.

He was cold, he was alone and nervous. He was sad and the cloudy sky was darkening, but he was okay. He was alive and he was thankful for everything that was bursting from his heart and overflowing within him. Maybe that's what Death and Kira wanted to take away. Maybe they wanted to take away the dark and luminous emotion that spilled from his heart, eyes, soul and ears. Or…or maybe…they didn't want to take anything away at all…but give birth to something new…

He began running, so fast, so furiously; his cutting, fervent, but desperately sad gaze fought hard to see what was ahead of him, beyond the fog…

Light was sitting on the bed. He felt restless as he sipped at his green tea. He felt like moving, like racing, competing, fighting, something to calm his spasmodic senses and muscles. He almost feared something, as if there was an enormous Deinonychus behind him.

_What's going on with me? Why am I so nervous?_

…

_L…_

The image of his face was strange, absently thrown at his mind's eye. There was no reason to its appearance, as far as he could feel…

He turned around; perhaps the predator he was really feeling was the detective lurking around his room, unknown to him. He was saddened to see nothing of the inspector; he turned back towards the window he had been looking out of. He smiled as he imagined the detective. Wondering if L had really wanted to, would he have crept around the apartment room to surprise him later with his appearance? Raito's brain told him that L is not the type of person to plan such a trivial thing.

L was much more sophisticated, much more classy and mature. L…

Why was it that when Raito thought of L he didn't think of the real L…

The disgusting, infuriating, aggravating L

…L

And why did he no longer think of how no matter how annoying he knew Ryuuzaki was that L was so truly genius? Why was it that L reminded him of laughter, of smiling, of happiness, company, warmth and love? Why was L's memory light, like the detective's weight? Why were the memories filled with enlightenment and euphoric emotion? Why…why in the world did he love L? Why did _he _have to be the one to fall in love with him? Why was Raito the one who was forced to hate him? Forced to kill him? Why? Why did he need L so badly?

That's when Raito turned around, leaving his tea unaccompanied by the windowsill to run towards the door. He gripped the knob of the door, listening to the rain now pouring from outside, dreading the rain, but anticipating, happily L's voice, eyes, fluster…

He swung the door open to see L huffing before him, the detective was drenched from head to toe, dripping, his cheeks red from running. Raito blushed furiously as he looked down unto the adorable scene and asked finally,

"Ryuuzaki…what are you doing here?"

L looked up to the auburn-haired boy standing before him as he replied, "I needed to see you…"

Raito blushed more deeply as he looked away, shyly adding, "Why?"

L huffed a little more before standing up a little straighter, replying simply, "My heart told me to…"

Raito looked back at the detective, completely red of face and stammered, "W-what? What do you mean?"

"My heart, Light-kun…my heart led me to you…it needed you…"


	18. Chapter 18: I'll Make You Go, Where I Go

**Here ya go guys! Chapter eighteen...and guess what? OwO...WARNING: LIMENESS...D lol, hope you guys like it. It's my birthday tomorrow (October 23rd), so I said, "I would like some Raito/L lime for my birthday present to myself. XP lol, hope you guys enjoy it and i'll be back soon with chapter nineteen! **

"Ryuuzaki…what are you doing here?"

L looked up to the auburn-haired boy standing before him as he replied, "I needed to see you…"

Raito blushed more deeply as he looked away, shyly adding, "Why?"

L huffed a little more before standing up a little straighter, replying simply, "My heart told me to…"

Raito looked back at the detective, completely red of face and stammered, "W-what? What do you mean?"

"My heart, Light-kun…my heart led me to you…it needed you…"

Raito couldn't form anything coherent to tell the inspector as a response. He felt like stuttering, stammering, perhaps screaming something just as hard to understand as what the detective had just told him.

"I…Ryuuzaki, come in…you'll get sick…"

L nodded and slumped into the room. Dragging his naked, cut feet across the carpet, appreciating the painful, stinging brush of it's cloth against his dripping flesh. Raito was trying to fight off the timid shaking that traveled through his limbs as he took hold of the blanket from his bed. He whipped it off and wrapped it around L's damp shoulders.

Raito walked behind L, nearly looming over the crouched boy as he spread his arms, letting fall the blanket over the boy's shoulders. As Raito leaned forward, though, he noticed the blood traveling from the doorway to where L stood, and then looked to L's beat up feet. Raito turned his warm face to L's as he asked with concern and pronounced eyebrows,

"What happened to your feet?"

L stared at his toes as he lifted his big toes, as if examining them for the first time. He tilted his head, his inked, dripping, charcoal hair fall over to his blanketed shoulder as he replied softly and slowly,

"They're hurt, Light-kun."

Raito looked to L somewhat confused; L was not one to be sarcastic, or state the obvious. Something seemed wrong…

"I know, Ryuuzaki…why didn't you wear shoes?"

L looked up, becoming slowly nauseas at the sight of his dirty, cut feet. He looked to the invisible particles before him, blankly as he said simply,

"They hindered my getting to you as fast as I wanted to."

Raito blushed looking away again as he trailed in a type of mumble, "Ah…I see…can you please explain why you came to see me now, Ryuuzaki?"

L looked to Raito, and Raito returned to physical life and replied to L's thick gaze with his own. L pushed off of his cut up, pitiful, dirtied feet and lifted himself. His back straightened, then bent backwards a little as he slid into Raito's air and captured Raito's lips with his own. The kiss was timid, soft and quiet. L's lips tasted and felt of marshmallows the more pressure Raito forced upon them.

Raito felt the difference between, he could feel it as if it were a physical wall between them. Raito's kisses were hungry, confident, strong and overpowering, but L's were calm, timid, shy, scared and insecure. Raito knew L was inexperienced, and he loved that innocent factor of L. He loved it so…he nearly wished he could steal it away for his own.

"Light-kun…" L whimpered faintly in between a kiss

"Ryuuzaki, just call me Light…" Raito replied

L blushed deeply as he hooked his spidery fingers onto Raito's sweater and allowed his emotion to sink from his eyes to Raito's. Raito blushed more deeply, his heart racing as he added,

"Okay?"

"My name, Light…isn't Ryuuzaki, though…"

Raito nearly stumbled over his feet as he backed away in shock. The sound of his name off of L's lips with no formality; they were alone, completely stripped of dignity. L was letting fall little hints and clues to his name for Raito, leaving behind all of the titles, all of the accusations, kissing him and holding him. Silently begging Raito for more, as Raito fooled his heart into loving the lonely detective.

"…Ryuu--…what…what do you want me to call you?"

L dropped the blanket from his shoulders and strongly stepped forward to Raito, sliding his damp, gaunt digits past the auburn threads of silk on Raito's head. Looking sad, though his eyes flooded elation to Raito, L ran his fingers along the boy's neck, through his slides of chocolate hair as he slithered himself against Raito. His slender, lank figure moving smoothly against Raito's, sending Raito a glowing red and several pulses of tempted pain.

Raito couldn't stop himself from lifting his arms and running his hands over L's hair and gripping the ebony strands as L administered a forceful, edacious kiss. It was greedy, craving and desirous; unlike any other kiss L had given Raito. L dropped his silk lips from Raito's and granted more starving, needy kisses down Raito's neck. As Raito let his head lean off, letting escape a small, inaudible moan; his hair falling back over his ears and neck, L presented his tongue ravenously against Raito's chilled skin. Raito, unintentionally let slip finally in a low whimper,

"L…"

Raito's eyes opened wide as L rose from the crook of his neck, smiling almost invisibly. L's eyes shined with a certain acceptance to Raito's title for him as L leaned in and capture Raito's shocked, loosely opened pout. Raito's throat burned with unshed tears of delight. The feeling of L's lanky arms wrapping around Raito's neck, playing with his hair, running his ghostly digits across his skin; L's candy lips against his own, his silk skin running against Raito's heated, pulsing, sweetly pained body.

Raito's velvet fingers trailed down L's form, playing their tips along L's loose-fitting jeans, teasing around L's silver, metal button that held together the pathetic piece of clothing. As Raito wrapped his fingers around the width of the jeans, curling his fingers, he could feel the chilled boxers of the other boy. L seemed to shudder under Raito's kiss as he felt Raito's flesh run against his abdomen, and he tightened his hold around Raito's neck.

L was pulling tightly onto Raito, feeding Raito unsatisfied, carnivorous kisses. Their torrid tongues running over each other, dominating and giving in cyclically. Their faces crimson, sizzling while they pulled each other ever closer. Wanting more, never gratified or lifted of their jaundiced hunger for one another. Neither ever wanting to let go, but L did as they lowered to the floor; never breaking their kisses. L found himself grounded, his back to the swollen blanket from Raito's temporary bed when his chest began to surge with nervous butterflies.

Raito's dexterous hands were brought low, holding his tilted waist as he trailed kisses down L's neck and chest. Raito had moved from his straddling position over L, descending down L's ghostly figure. His hands then slid under L's shirt, running his hands over L's chilled, tender flesh, then throwing the damp shirt aside once it fitted over L's head. Raito smiled as he extracted a miniscule, hushed cry from L when he quickly unbuttoned the boy's jeans.

Raito looked up to see L's wide eyes, his face cherry red as he begged, "Light…what do you plan to do to me?"

Raito smirked, holding back laughter at the innocent, unenlightened inspector half-naked before him. He rose over L again, planting an iced, but vicious kiss on the detective's neck before replying in a murmur, "I only want to please you, L…"

He smiled brutishly at L's accelerated reddening. The inspector gulped silently then nodded positively, though very timidly. Raito dipped down unto the boy again, eagerly unbuttoning the dyed out jeans, but as he was about to pull the material off of the detective there was a terrible ring. L's crimson features looked down unto Raito as he began to reach into his lowered pocket for his cell phone.

Raito glared, capturing L's hand in his before he could reach the small, vibrating device. Raito matched his eyes to L and murmured defiantly, "No…"

L's eyes widened a little as he stated softly, "It's Watari…what if we have Kira?"

Raito grinned menacingly as he replied simply, "I'd rather have you…"

L blushed deeply before finally releasing his hand from Raito's, fetching his cell phone from his pocket and taking it to his ear.

"Watari?" L asked innocently; Raito huffed and rose off of L angrily crossing his arms over his chest.

"I am with Light."

…

"N-no, Watari…Light-kun, Light-kun I meant."

Raito looked back at L; it was so unlike L to reveal nervousness, or any emotion really. You could never look at L and know exactly what he was feeling…not until now…not until Light…told L the truth…

As Raito was admiring the muted L his brain reminded him punctiliously of what he had said only moments ago;

"_It's Watari…what if we have Kira?"_

"_I'd rather have you…"_

…was that true?...would he choose L over Kira? L…was the protection, the promise of justice, of truth, of honesty, of safety, of love and intellect. Kira was the promise of a better tomorrow. But, a nagging question—how long would that be? Tomorrow? The promise of a better tomorrow, but could those rain droplets hold out until tomorrow? Could every blueberry and vanilla lollipop forgotten and left behind among the red wrappers hold on until tomorrow? Could L's dream of the Boboli Gardens hold on until tomorrow?

Raito's wide eyes gazed at L as he shut off his phone and looked to Raito, stating softly,

"He wanted to know where I was."

Raito returned to physical life again and cocked an eyebrow, realizing L was not one to make small talk, before asking, "Why would you tell me that?"

"I want you to call me L again."

Raito flustered furiously but smiled, he leaned in and kissed the detective. When Raito felt the inspector's lips again, though, the fire in him was reignited and he felt the greedy hunger for the boy rise in him again. His lips began to overwhelm L's again, but as Raito relished the sound of L's short gasps L whimpered, "Do you wish for Kira or me?"

As Raito straddled L on the blanket again, he took L's cell phone. Throwing it across the room, under the couch far from them he lowered his bedroom eyes, resting his waist against L's. He felt L's tension, and knew just by the feel of it that L was in just as much bittersweet pain as he was. He leaned in closer, layering the smallest amount of pressure onto L's waist as he let his lips brush to L's and reply softly,

"I wish for you, L…only you…"


	19. Chapter 19: So Lay It Down

**Sorry it took so long, guys, but I wanted to work really hard on this one! So here's your newest chapter, I'd like to warn everyone THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER. I also greatly encourage listening to Snow Patrol or lots of Coldplay when reading this one. Hope you enjoy you're newest one. **

He felt L's tension, and knew just by the feel of it that L was in just as much bittersweet pain as he was. He leaned in closer, layering the smallest amount of pressure onto L's waist as he let his lips brush to L's and reply softly,

"I wish for you, L…only you…"

When Raito looked back on what he had said to L that night so long ago, he knew he had meant every syllable. He knew deep down; he could still feel that burning lump of butterflies in his throat when he thought of how he felt against the boy. Never knowing who he was with, never knowing what to say or do, for the first time in his life being at a complete loss of words and coherent, rational thought.

That night had not resulted in anything completely impure; as Raito had pushed for L to allow him to do things he had been dreaming of, it seemed the further he pushed the more nervous L became. Although he thought it was immensely cute, and only wanted L more for his innocent, inexperienced behavior he stopped and controlled himself.

Times were different now, though. Raito was standing in a dimly lit room, computers and monitors glowing red with the rest of the investigation team. Raito smiled as he watched L sit at his computer, his scoliosis allowing him to sit like the animal he was. The insect in Raito's drink, the pebble in Raito's shoe, the dark spot on Raito's white shirt. Not to worry, though…he would be rid of the despicable L soon enough.

Raito's maroon eyes were enhanced by the dark aura of the room. He could feel Rem behind him, wanting desperately to kill him, to ruin him…but she could do nothing. She could only watch him with an exquisite hatred. There were only two roads of which she could take. Death, and loss of understanding would be the result of either, but Raito Yagami would be filled with much more uplifting emotions.

There was nothing she could do, and she needed to act fast. She glared at Raito Yagami's cold, blood-stained eyes gazing hungrily at the detective only feet away. Then she left him, never dignifying him with an announcement of her choice to dissolve into sand. Raito smiled, it would only be so much more time, only so many more minutes having to stare at L's wretched composure. Raito's glazed look traveled across the room to the pale detective taking a sip of his sugary concoction of tea. He glared at the sight.

L

Disgusting, infuriating, aggravating L

…L

But no matter how annoying Raito knew Ryuuzaki was, he was truly genius. He was clever, tricky, intelligent and passionate about what he did. Raito noted the silken look L's features took on in the dim, red lighting of this investigation room.

How his pitch black hair looked like a pool of spilled blood that stretched out to the blood's owner, to they're loved ones, to their enemies and heroes. Never truly able to comprehend the red, liquefied beauty. How his onyx eyes were outlined in black, shadowing a crimson rose, his pale complexion looking pinkish like a dyed portrait of a ghostly vampire.

This time, as he felt L's eyes move upon him, sending him questioning glances, his vision did not move from the other boy. He let his gaze insist, fight for its place on his figure. For he had the upper hand now…and from now on, he always would. He would have the hand of power, the hand of justice, of truth, of release, of judgment, of control, of everything right.

_Have you ever once told the truth?_

What a strange question the detective had asked him. He knew L was aware of the night they spent in each other's arms, that every emotion, every thought and word shared was completely sincere. Right? He knew, right? If he didn't, then better he die anyway; free L. Free him of his lonely misery, his stressful leadership, his painful love…love? If he thought Raito had been insincere…had he been insincere? Had he lied, to simply examine how Raito would react?

Was it another sick test to spill another percentage of his likeliness of being Kira? Was he some tool to simply get L to where he wanted to be? Was he…disposable to L? Did L need him? No…of course L didn't need him…he was Kira…

L knew he was Kira, of course he couldn't love him…how could L love the monster he was out to slay? The pain that rushed through his flooded heart caused him to look away for a moment. He gathered himself, and opened his closed eyes to reveal the desirous, crimson red they'd become. His loathsome smirk spread across his face, the length of a metronome's distance drawn on his cheeks in envious, dark victory.

L was not rushed with dark emotion, or terrible thoughts. He knew exactly what was ahead of him; he knew momentarily he would leave this world to splash into the unknown, to land among the old wrappers of red lollipops, to leave and run down the streets as a puddle, or a fog, but one thing would keep him from becoming as the raindrops he knew so well. At least one moment in time and space, he was held in someone's arms and appreciated solely on his own, completely alone, exclusively, singularly, purely loved and reflected in someone's eyes.

That, L, thought, was all he would need. In the rain, he could hear his funeral echoing in the grey sky, outlining his fate for him. A sign for him, run and hide, or run straight into the headlights, you will die tonight. A sign from above or below or somewhere mixed up in all those factories that shut down their blue and white machines; he didn't know, but he trusted it. He had decided he was going to let the windshield wipe away his blood, rather than hiding within the brush to outrun the inevitable.

Inevitable; unable to be avoided, evaded or escaped; certain; necessary, sure to occur, happen or come; unalterable; that which is unavoidable.

He could never escape Kira, he could never escape his longing, desirous, loving, cold arms. The droplets of black, red blood that would leak from Kira's fingertips onto him would surely leave stains on his heart, for that was his fate…

Fate; something that unavoidably befalls a person, that which is inevitably predetermined; destiny; a prophetic declaration of what must be.

There was nothing he could do now. All he could do was wait for Kira's dripping hands to run through his charcoal hair like the fog, one last time and capture his past, present and future, leaving the bloody, inky residue within his silken mass of jet black hair. The pulsating warmth of the house burning in his memory against him, the crackling and rattling of his soul; he could taste the salty elixir his tears produced running down his lips.

He could feel the light weight of himself as a child, slowly feeling Death's spirit walk past him and capture what was left for him in this world. Capture and steal away his future, his past and present. He could sense the dark ora wrapping itself around everything he could've had. He could feel him now, lurking behind him. Staring him down, although he did not turn around to acknowledge the intent gaze of his form within Raito Yagami.

As all of the data was deleted from the screens, and L called for the old man who's memory would wrench at L's heart until it stopped, only so far from now. When the investigators began to panic, L knew to stay calm, for slowly he could feel the black, cloaked figure of Death standing behind him. His bloody hands running down L's chilled spine, brushing through and gripping the velvet threads of black. Death's hand slid down L's curved back and asked him softly and within a frequency of light, "Are you okay now?"

L wondered if there was a light radiating from him as well, replying on its own, telling Death that this day, that was the promise of no tomorrow was what he had been waiting for, for so long. Death must have understood for when Rem scribbled down a series of letters and spaces, slowly turning to sand, was when Raito's eyes widened and electrified their crimson effect, and Death reached into L's chest through his back and gripped his heart gingerly.

L breathed in, feeling the oxygen run through his nose, his throat and capture within the pockets lying behind the bars of his ribs. It was cold, refreshing and it was fresh even as it was captured and dank. L noticed how he felt like he was breathing for the first time, feeling the tiny, invisible particles of light, dark, morning, night, sunset, stars, Earth, sky, moon and sun run through his veins. The monarchs of summer, the orange that reminded him of the fire he so dreaded within his memory cells; the wind that carried through his hair that spring so many years ago; the feel of Watari's ancient, grand hands uplifting his soul and heart into the sky by their simple placement on his shoulders.

L breathed in all of the lies, the tangled webs, the awful murders covered and uncovered; all of the flowers that would bloom, covered in sunrise's dew that he could never see. The red lollipops he would never taste, the factories he could never visit and protest against their shut down machines. All of the emotions he could never read, that one mystery he could never find evidence against; all of the racing of his heart he could never feel, all of the brush of Light's lips against him that he would never again experience, all of the fear he'd never know…had he wasted his time?

L breathed in all of the regrets, the questions, the legends, the lies, the justices, the rights, the wrongs, the truths, the evidence, aliases, alibis, and rushed blood. The gestures, the computer screens, languages, people, countries, gardens he'd never learn. The photographs he wished he could memorize, the conversations he wished he could laugh at, the girls he had wished he could talk to, the boys he wished would accept him and the terrible, sickly burning ache in his heart when they all rejected him.

L knew it would be like this; his final breath. Reminding him of how mundane it had been, how repetitive and terrible the torture had been. "But rest peacefully, now," Death's light told him, "the torture is over now, and now you can splash and break, you can break and join the Earth now. You can rest now, Lawliet. Rest."

L felt the outrageous pain of Death piercing his heart surge through him like a tidal wave as he let slip his spoon from his grip and fall to the ground. He couldn't feel anything, he could see anything, and he couldn't hear anything but Raito Yagami. He could only feel Raito's arms around him, holding him, only looking at him; he could only see Raito's crimson eyes shining into his own onyx irises, and he could hear anything, anything but Raito Yagami's racing heart. It bled, it bled for L and he could hear it calling for him, but there was nothing he could do now.

All he could do was look to Raito Yagami…

_I never should have waited so long to say  
What I've always known since the very first day  
Thought that you would stay forever with me  
But the time has come to leave_

Look into Raito Yagami's eyes and wonder why. A part of him has wished Raito would have given up and told L he was Kira. Raito Yagami, though…would never do that…not even for L…not even for a promise…not even for a wish…

_Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes  
I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life  
Its you that I live for, and for you I die  
So I'll Lay here with you 'til the final goodbye_

His chest pulsated with pain, his eyes felt like releasing the burning tears they'd always held back. They weren't all tears of sadness, though. He was happy. He was letting go now, he was releasing into what he knew was better than this never-ending torture. He didn't want to the fog, he didn't want to be forever promised to the ground of the earth…not for this…not for this pain…

_Hold, draw me close, close to my lips  
Listen intently as I tell you this  
Outside the world wages its wars,  
I'll rest in peace as long as you know_

The intense rush of hurt dulled his sense, and all he could see was the blurred, dark figure illuminating from Raito's aura. Telling him, begging him to let go. Let go, rest, sleep for tomorrow will be no more. Sleep, and dream; dream forever and don't worry anymore. Don't fall from the sky anymore, don't rest on the city streets anymore, don't waste away behind the less syrupy looking sweets anymore, don't hold on. Let go, and you'll fall, but I'll catch you. I'll catch you.

_Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes  
I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life  
Its you that I live for, and for you I die  
So I'll Lay here with you 'til the final goodbye_

_Promise me, our love will carry on  
Until you turn eternal, we'll belong _

All of the lights, the shadows, the children screaming and crying, the rushing and anxiety. It didn't mean anything anymore as his eyes began to close. The vision of Raito Yagami before him began to vanish forever, leaving him alone now. He can be alone now, and fall. Don't hold on, Lawliet, don't hold on. Don't hold on anymore. Let go of the bittersweet torture, leave the auburn-haired love that caused your heart such pain and release now. Don't hold on.

_Before we turn out the lights and close our eyes  
I'll tell you a secret I've held all my life  
It's you that I live for, and for you I die  
So I'll lay here with you till the final goodbye_

"_Ryuuzaki, just call me Light…"_

"_I've found many beautiful things in you."_

"_It's not straightened too much, it's straightened regularly, you're just slumping all the time."_

"_I don't get how…you can't find anything in yourself that's acceptable…"_

"_I wish for you, L…only you…"_

__

His respectful lips for the last time  
And spell out the lyrics to love in the sky  
Its you that I live for and for you I die  
So I'll lay here with you till the final goodbye 

Slowly, the memories vanished, then Raito's vision removed itself from L's way. To kiss him, to hear him, to grip him, to laugh with him, to watch him, to fight with him, to hit him, to cling to him, to hug him, to want him, to have him hungry for him. To taste one last blueberry and vanilla lollipop, to watch one last, single raindrop, to feel his arm around him one last time…

To live and love; one final wish of the lonely inspector.

Then L was gone. Lawliet had vanished, disappeared and left Raito Yagami's arms, without ever leaving him. Without ever telling him. Without ever letting him know, just how deeply he had fallen in love.

__

Goodbye 


	20. Chapter 20: I've Always Been With You

**READ THIS…READ THIS…READ THIS**

**Okay, I would really, really, really, really appreciate it if you guys started reading anything that was in bold and/or CAPs. XP I got lots of comments, saying they were upset that the last chapter was the end, when in the beginning I state in bold, upper-case letters "THIS IS NOT THE LAST CHAPTER". I will announce when the last chapter is in. So…also, thank you all sooooooo much for the wonderful reviews and PMs! I'm very thankful, they're all really appreciated. Thank you all, and hope you guys enjoy your new chapter!**

Raito held the limp, pale detective in his arms for a small while. The lights on the computers were buzzing, and glowing red; L's skin was as white as snow, his feathery lashes were locked together, resting on his cheeks. L's spiritless arms fell over Raito's, silently falling to the floor with the back of his hand on the cold, shadowed tiles; his fingers naturally curled towards his palm. L's ebony strands of silk hung from his head as it fell back.

L's lips were ever so slightly parted…

Raito's face sunk out of its demonic, bloody satisfaction for a moment…

What had he just done?

_I…I killed L…L…_

Why would L's cold, lifeless lips part to him? L had not gasped, L had not screamed, L hadn't even taken one breath out of his mouth…was this for Raito? Had L tried to leave behind a sign…a sign…what kind of sign though?...

Had L tried to tell him something? Something that couldn't be described in words? Some message that could only be deciphered through silence and stillness of death?

_L…no…no, L…w-why…why damn it?! You fucking freak of nature! I h-hate you! I've-I've always hated you, damn it!...no, Light…compose yourself…you're fine…this is what you've wanted…now's not the time for these kinds of emotions…you need to show them he's dead…and move on…move on, Light…_

Then the grand act began. Raito pretended to be immensely shocked by the dead body in his hold, the investigation team scattered in fear and woe, and then Matsuda pleaded,

"Light-kun…please stop sounding like L…"

Raito wanted to blush, he wanted to cry, he wanted to laugh, he wanted to lie and he would've given anything to give up his pride and fall to his knees to admit the blood on his hands. Instead, though, he turned on his heel…and time progressed.

Days seemed darker, danker without L. At first, it felt like L was back in hiding somewhere. Perhaps slumping his crooked figure across another carpeted floor behind a giant window. That thought reminded Raito's lips of the sugary sweet silk they missed. How he had allowed L to kiss him that night, how he yelled in protest to his heart, how he screamed and snarled.

Raito snickered to himself, the sound of it seemed to echo throughout his empty room. The sound waves even hit off the invisible shinigami lurking by his window, devouring a red, juicy apple. Raito examined the moonlight from his window running a long shine down the apple's skin.

"_Light-kun, please identify the red lollipop."_

"_Huh?"_

"_Identify the red lollipop." _

"_Ehm…it looks like a Chupa Chups' lollipop." _

"_Indeed…now identify the other." _

"_I…uh…don't know what brand that is." _

"_Precisely." _

"_What?" _

"_You see, Light-kun, you could recognize the red lollipop because it played a role in your life. As a child, you see every child in any movie, cartoon, book—ogling some big red lollipop; round, spherical, shiny and smooth. That is the ideal lollipop. You, Light-kun are the red lollipop. I, though, am the blue. I go unrecognized for no one is brought up to find the dark blue and white among all the transparent, more sugary, less syrupy looking sweets that are much more enticing. But do you blame yourself? Why…it could be blue fish and cheese cream flavored for all you know. Red, though…always cherry or strawberry; never apple. Never disappointing either. No one looks twice at the dark candy, and soon enough the factories which produce them will shut down their machines and it's vanilla and blueberry mixture will forever be lost among the old wrappers of red lollipops."_

"…_Ryuuzaki…"_

"_Light-kun?"_

"_Ehm…yes?" _

"_Do you really believe you don't enjoy sweets?"_

"_Yes…why?"_

"_I just…don't understand."_

"_Understand? I just don't like them. I don't think I've ever enjoyed them." _

"_You can truly find nothing enjoyable in desserts?" _

"…_no." _

"_I've found many enjoyable aspects within them." _

The simple sight of that immature god of death eating the sweet fruit had triggered a heart-wrenching memory. He could almost feel L's spidery digits curling the cloying candy against his tongue, trying his best to convince him of sugary beauty. He could almost taste L's lips against his own, could almost feel L's arms pulling him ever closer to his hungry kiss, could almost hear L's laughter…it was almost like he was there.

Or…had he never left? Had L…always been there?

"Ryuk…" Raito called softly

The demon swallowed the core of his demolished apple and after an obnoxious swallowing sound he asked, "Yeah?"

Raito looked away from Ryuk, and looking down to his bedding he asked shamelessly, "Is L in Heaven?"

Ryuk snickered, earning a quick, terrible glare from Raito. After his chuckling had died out he leaned forward and replied, "I don't think I should tell you those kinds of things, Light."

Ryuk's response triggered Raito's brain pattern, ordering him to decipher it into some code, cloaking a true answer to his question…but he was full of doubt…

"W-why? Don't you trust me, Ryuk?"

Ryuk cocked a purple eyebrow and sneered, "Trust you? Light, I'm hardly in a position to be your friend here."

Raito looked away, but as he was about to reply something devilishly sarcastic and cruel the hinges in his door creaked back and the door swung open.

"Light…I've been calling you."

"What do you want, Misa?"

The blonde model sat on Raito's bed beside him and replied, "I just came to check up on you…you haven't been yourself lately…are you feeling well?"

Raito defensively snapped, "What do you mean I haven't been myself? I haven't changed at all!"

Misa cringed at his immediate change in volume, but softly told him, "It just seems that since L's death…you haven't been the least bit happy…isn't L's death what you've wanted?"

He looked away again and muttered, "Of course, Misa…yes, it is…it was…I…"

Misa wrapped her thin arm around Raito's shoulders and forced him into an awkward cuddle before she said strongly, "But look now, Light…we have the whole world now. You control each and every person, you've got a beautiful, loving girlfriend, you're a genius and you're a God…do you question your greatness?"

Of course not. Raito knew he was grand, he knew he was supreme and almighty…but he wasn't this on his own…

L

Disgusting, infuriating, aggravating L…

L…

L had made him strong…L was the only one who was brave enough, strong enough, intelligent enough, hungry enough for justice to stand up to Raito. He had fought Raito, honorably…and that made him strong…

"I know what I am, Misa, and I am all-powerful…"

_But without him…I will surely just grow weak…_

Raito, knew, though…that Misa could never understand what he felt for L. Misa was too dumb, she was too dull, she was too unenlightened…

"Misa…you love me, right?" Raito asked absently

She blushed and replied fervently, "Oh, of course, Light! I don't want you to doubt that for a moment! I love you more than anything, Light…"

Raito looked up at his shelves of books, then back to Misa and added, "So…you'd be sad if I died."

Her flustered, shocked expression sunk into a serious, competitive scowl. She didn't move her hard look from him as she murmured, "Well…I'm going to go."

She rose from her cushioned bench beside Raito, but as she reached the door, she turned back and added, "I knew what was happening, Light…I'm glad you chose me."

He glared to her and sneered coldly, "I didn't choose you…I chose Justice."

Her eyebrows knit inwardly as she looked to as if he had shot an arrow through her heart. Her hand rose and played with her necklace as she turned a little and replied, "Of course…"

Hours had passed…

Raito was just lying on his bed, remembering L…thinking of all of the awkward dialogues, the stupid assumptions, the cold accusations, the excuses and alibis. All of the faces and names to L…he wished he had learned L's real name. Called him something that meant something to him…

He wondered if L was burning now. Captured within the flames of Hell for dying with regret, perhaps for taking on the case of Kira, or loving the monster himself. He worried for L, he wanted L to be happy, he wanted L to be released, he wanted L to forgive him…

_Forgive me, L…I…I didn't want to hurt you…I…I wish only for you, L…I do…please, believe me…_

Raito closed his teary, heavy eyes as he rolled onto his side and smiled as a tear rolled down his cheek and leapt off the tip of his nose, onto his bedding. His smile was peaceful, content and accepting. He hoped L smiled too…not that Raito needed to hope, worry or wish anymore, for L had released, and splashed into nothingness and now he didn't have to feel guilty anymore, he didn't have to be bothersome anymore…and he certainly didn't have to feel sad anymore.


	21. Chapter 21: Here and Now

**Sorry it took so long, guys! Here's chapter twenty-one! Hope you like it! Pretty sad, but I've already started chapter twenty-two, so…it probably won't be as long for the next chapter. Thanks again for all of the reviews and PMs, they're all greatly, greatly, greatly appreciated! Hope you enjoy,**

Oh, yes, Time has passed by quite swiftly, hasn't it, our dear Raito Yagami? That victory over Near was yet another lovely, golden trophy on your shelf of achievements. That foolish investigation team, filled with meaningless, stupid men. Their deaths were pitiful to Raito. Disgraceful; but their mere existence had irked him, so their pathetic slaughtering had not bothered him, truly.

Raito was walking through his home, followed by the ever present shinigami, Ryuk. The god of death was eating an apple as he followed the boy; Raito's entire family was gone. He had been forced to kill his parents for Kira's protection; the only living relative was his sister. She secretly knew, and nowadays, how she's older and all…she figured she had always known.

She had moved out in fear, thus leaving Raito to his lonesome. He was grateful that he didn't need to kill her, though. He didn't want to. He was walking through the kitchen when he stopped by the radio near his toaster and turned it on.

_Kiss me, out by the bearded barley_

_Nightly, beside the green, green grass_

_Swing, swing, swing the spinning step_

_You wear those shoes, and I will wear that dress_

_Oh, kiss me_

_Beneath the milky twilight_

_Lead me…_

Raito looked to the radio and remembered a moment his father had shared, one night over dinner, remembering L. Revealing that L had played this song for them. It had been so long since he had purposely thought of L. Raito looked to the ceiling and thought of him. He remembered how L died in his arms, how his head fell back and left him an invisible, silent message between his parted lips. He remembered how he had cried all of those nights, how he had endured the pain…

He couldn't lose now…he wouldn't have ever fallen for Near's stupid trap. Not after killing L…he had destroyed everything that meant love to him. He would not kill off L to lose everything he had worked towards. He would avenge L by taking Justice into his control. That was the gift that L provided with his death. That thought triggered a rusty, old conversation and Raito asked absently,

"Hey…Ryuk…"

The shinigami had seated himself on the counter and replied, "Yeah?"

"…L…he is in Heaven, right?"

Ryuk snorted, "I told you, I shouldn't tell you those types of things."

Raito snapped around and snarled viciously, "Why not?! The only reason you wouldn't tell me something is if it would help me or if you were hiding something from me! So what the hell?! Is he okay?! I know he's okay…I-I just need to hear for certain…"

Ryuk looked away slyly, "If you know, I don't understand why you have to ask me."

Raito's face brightened as he chirped, "He is then!"

Ryuk laughed and replied, "I never said anything about that. I simply asked why you need 'me' to reassure you of what you believe is true."

Raito glared and simply turned his back to Ryuk, pouring himself a glass of water as the memorable chorus played on the radio. Raito then turned back to the god of death and asked absently, "Where was L brought up?"

"An orphanage." Ryuk responded softly

"Which one?"

"I dunno…Wommoh's for the smart or something." Ryuk muttered as he looked away; bored

Raito snorted from his throat in aggravation as he turned on his heal and went back to his room. He buzzed the computer back on and watched as the lights and colors formed ahead of him. He searched for "Wommoh's Orphanage" and Google provided a link asking, "Did you mean Wammy's Orphanage for the Gifted?"

He quickly clicked it and it lead him to a page telling him the old phone numbers, address and anything else anyone could possibly want to know. The orphanage, apparently, though had been shut down a long time ago. He decided he would take a look anyway. He couldn't decipher what made him so interested in seeing where L grew up, but the idea of being where L used to…it gave his heart a jump.

He rose from his seat once he had jotted down the address on a stray piece of paper and ran down stairs. He heard "Kiss Me" still playing from the kitchen and saw Ryuk coming towards him with a questioning look on his face. He finally flew over to Raito, floating by his shoulder and asked, "Where are we going?"

Raito smirked and replied, "I'm going to Wammy's Orphanage for the Gifted. It's where L grew up."

Ryuk cocked a purple eyebrow and ventured, "Why would you want to go there? You've already killed L…it's not as if you need any clues to his name."

Raito looked to the door knob and recalled feeling L through the wall. He remembered how he had been standing by the window, drinking his tea and how he felt as if L was with him. As if L was right there, standing by him…although he knew he was completely alone. He had been staring at the strange, unpredictable weather fogging his thick window. He had been so cold, feeling chills run down his spine every few moments, leaving tingles down his chest and legs; his eyes had been heavy, his sight felt mundane and bored.

All he had been able to think about was L. All he could do was imagine L's lips, his eyes, his dark messy hair, his silk, snow white skin…

"I…don't know…I just…"

Raito looked away from Ryuk as he finished, "I feel like…I thought I knew him…"

Raito didn't tell Ryuk truly what he felt in that moment. He thought he knew L. He thought he was the only one to ever know him. That L's heart belonged to him alone; to Raito and Light…for Kira had no use of it. Raito wanted so desperately to believe that L had loved him more than anyone, loved him and only him. He wanted to believe so perilously that L had never even considered such a thing as falling in love with anyone but him; that L was unaffected by other women or men, that L wanted to be Raito's only one and that he had wanted Raito to be his only one.

Raito then turned himself around and walked out the door, allowing the harmonies of "Kiss Me" to linger within the house, even as he was gone with Ryuk. He felt that if he turned it off…even while he was gone…that it was like locking L out. That it was pushing him away.

Raito walked down the streets, ignoring the giant, lurking shinigami as always. He passed the nameless people without second glances, feeling as cool and collected as he always did. He knew, though, that everyone around him panicked. They were all suffering, always questioning their unnatural paranoia and insomnia. He smiled, though, for he knew that power was in fear. He knew that Kira controlled each and every one of them with an iron fist.

Filling every innocent person with only more purity, and cleansing those who dare to oppose him. He took no pleasure or thrill in killing criminals as he used to. He used to be so entertained with the fact that L could not defeat him, but was such an honorable adversary, that on several occasions he had questioned himself. That was something Raito Yagami had never done before L came into his life.

Raito was never confused or ever second guessed himself before L. He had always been so sure; so sure of himself, of everyone and everything around him. He had never been apart from the certain reality that surrounded him until L. L created a world that was made of sweets, intellect, deduction and misleading impressions. He never prejudged incorrectly, he always spoke his mind when he thought it appropriate and he wasn't shameful…or so Raito thought.

L had no reason to shame himself.

_Well…I can't know that for certain. He never told me anything of his past…_

Raito looked down to his leather brown shoes striding across the grey, pebbled sidewalk. Kids were exiting schools and walking about, riding their bikes, catching buses. Raito did not observe them out of interest, but rather out of the mere desire to think of anything but the dead boy that still wove his heart in and out of his ambitions beyond the grave. He took a deep breath through his nose as he walked onto the bus by the corner and dropped some coins in their rightful slot.

He stepped into the isle and took the window seat of an empty bench. Ryuk was floating around the bus reading a newspaper along with a stranger that was unknowing of the god's presence. Raito rested his cheek in his palm as he leaned on his elbow, tiredly looking down to the meshed lines on the street. He closed his eyes as he remembered L…

"_You're going to do it again?"_

"_If you won't break, I won't."_

"_Forgive me, then, Light-kun…"_

"_I'm nothing, I am not youthful at heart anymore, I don't think I ever was; I am not popular or well-liked and I am certainly not handsome. There are no endearing qualities of which belong to me that you would be attracted to, Light-kun. That is why it is improbable and most likely, impossible. I am not interested in romance; I never lied to you."_

"_If you so wish, Light-kun." _

"_Kira…wants me dead…very badly…"_

"_You don't think I'm human?"_

"_I am? I'm a good friend, Light-kun?"_

"_You have no right to call me L."_

"_I want you to call me L again."_

…Raito opened his eyes. He glared at the miniscule particles of air before him, blaming them with his eyes. Setting them ablaze with his anger and despair, with the itch in his soul. The itch to hold him again, to touch him again, to hear him or see him one more time. If he could make one wish, he knew he wouldn't hesitate a moment to ask for L. To just see his eyes look to him again, sending him into a labyrinth of never-ending pools of black, or perhaps to just feel his hand run down his face, leaving in place of his finger's trails, indescribable laces of velvet sensation. To just hear his voice once more, whether it take on its graceless, awkward tone or spill percentages of accusation; if he could just taste his lips one more time, collect his delectable flavor and fall into his lanky but surprisingly warm arms.

"_Don't touch me like that…you scared me."_

"_No…I'm sorry, Light-kun…I'm not good at being a friend. I know…I know I disappoint you when I do things like that."_

"_It is what I believe, Light-kun, and nothing can change what I am."_

There was too much to remember. Too many glances across rooms, too many winds blowing through L's feathery hair, too many shocks of electricity within him at L's unexpected touch. There was too much to think of; all the syllables in the percentages, aliases, deductions, conclusions and hidden messages in L's dialogues, all of the ridiculous ambitions, expectations and unspoken evidence. There's too much that made his heart bleed and ache when he thought of L. He felt like his eyes should fill with tears, but they were so tired.

They were tired from collecting the momentum of the children on their bikes, and of the lines colliding on the streets. The image of the lines connecting on the ground made him wish he were dead. Dead, so that he could be with L. So that he could sense him, somewhere near by, if he existed at all. If he continued on to exist beyond this…

To keep him from torturing himself with more thoughts of how he ruined the rest of his empty days by killing L, he looked up to the small bulletin sign on the arch of the bus. It read,

"Next Stop: Fujisaka"

Raito sighed; one more stop to go. He looked to Ryuk, wanting to start a conversation, hoping that the immature demon would keep him busy from his painful thoughts of L, but recalled that if he talked to Ryuk he would look like he was talking to himself. He sighed heavily, and looked out the window again…

_L…if you're going to leave, just leave…_


	22. Chapter 22: Give All That's Within You

**Hey guys, SOOOO sorry…first I was sick, then I had lots of work to make up, then I deleted the writing I had done and had to start over and…ugh, anyway, it's short, but it's all I could manage to do. I'll be writing A LOT more SOON. Thanks for being so patient and lovely! Hope you guys like your new (though short) chapter…**

When he stepped out into the abandoned grounds of the old orphanage he could only sigh. He heard the bus rustle away behind him as he gazed at the somewhat morbid looking building. His brain could not recognize L's face with this place. He couldn't ever imagine L laughing across a bed, or smiling silently to any other child. All Raito could feel of L in this dank place was the certainty that L may have spent many nights crying against fogged, chilled windows.

Raito ignored the shinigami floating behind him as he stepped towards the building and stared at the wooden planks blocking his entrance through the front doors. He silently placed his hand out to it, not acknowledging how his breath turned to white fog in the cold air when he gasped. The planks fell apart and fell to the ground, allowing the large, dark doors to creek open. Raito's features took on no emotion as he walked through the threshold.

He had almost half-hoped that when he opened the doors there would be an extravagant hotel room. One with a giant window for a wall, a small couch and confusing bathroom…and L. L would be there too. He would look to the door as Raito walked in, turning from pretending to enjoy someone else's company. He would smile invisibly as he always did, and he'd say, "Good afternoon, Light-kun."

L would laugh again; he'd leave small signs of opened pedals by sleeping with his teary residue. He would spill ugly percentages of Raito's likeliness of being Kira, he would desire sights of Italy and he'd crouch and slump among all of the other men. He'd be under-dressed, as always, paranoid and OCD about everything, holding everything like it was some great bug. Constantly cursing Kira and his supposedly childish ambitions, claiming blindly in rage how he was Justice and Kira would fall to his knees.

Raito died a little more, though, when he saw his unrealistic daydream was not behind the dusty doors. It was arenose, smoky-aired and infested with cobwebs and most likely millions of tiny insects. He heard Ryuk chuckle and mumble something about the place being a dump. He didn't acknowledge it, though. He wasn't about to be bothered by the stupid demon. Raito kept walking forward, running his thin fingers against the layers of dust, hoping desperately he would feel L's cold palms instead of the furred, grey filth.

The stain glass windows illustrated colorful tales of which Raito had neither the patience nor interest to decipher. He simply walked by the sculpted stories and ran his gaze across the once fantastical furniture, now victims of moths and time, covered in plastic, coated in dust. His maroon eyes opened a little wider as he made his way to two shut, glass doors.

He wrapped his digits around the two golden handles, soon finding he had to pull much harder than he first thought. When he had finally shoved his elbows back, breaking the grey and white particles in the air as he broke through, the doors swung back to him. He breathed in deeply, closing his eyes as he was approached by the cold air he had only left minutes prior. He closed his eyes to picture L.

Something simple of L; of him in hysterical laughter over the edge of his bed, of him silently smiling, of him glaring from across investigation rooms, of the wind brushing through his messy, black hair, of him falling limp and lifeless in his arms…

Raito opened his eyes, his brows knit somewhat angrily as he listened to the wind wrap around him and throw dust and grey, fallen leaves across and by him. He felt a vibration in his pocket as he tried to remember the sound of L's voice. He reached his hand down into his pocket and pulled out his cell phone, reading in despair Ms. Misa Amane's name in flashing black as it vibrated. He grunted as he flipped it open and muttered,

"Yeah?"

"Oh, Light! I'm so glad you picked up!"

Raito sighed in agitation as he sneered, "I'm sure you are, what do you want?"

"Light, I want to see you tonight."

Raito grunted as Ryuk laughed at his miserable expression and replied, "Can't."

"Huh? Why?"

"Misa, I've explained this way too many times! I'm not wasting time on this."

"W-wait, Light! Can I see you tomorrow night?"

Raito sighed and replied, "Why do you need to see me?"

"I have a gift for you…I think you'll really like it."

"It's not one of your posters again, is it?"

She seemed to giggle and say, "No, no, something more personal."

Raito silently prayed to God that she was not hinting to any night of romance.

"Fine. I'll see you tomorrow night, at eight, okay?"

"Oh, fantastic! I love you, Light! I'll talk to you tomorrow!"

He mumbled some sort of "yeah, good bye" as he snapped his phone off and slipped it back into his pocket. He looked to Ryuk and smiled. Smiled so sincerely, so softly and gently that Ryuk was taken aback by the very look of it. The wind brushed by them again, running chills against Raito as he stated blankly, "I know L's in Heaven."

Ryuk smirked and snorted, "Then you won't be seeing him again, will ya?"

Raito slipped back into his normal, mundane scowl as he remembered the rule of users of the Death Note.

"A human who uses the Death Note cannot enter Heaven or Hell."

Ryuk nodded, "That's right."

Raito's eyes lowered, "I'll find a way."

"Oh, is that so?" Ryuk chuckled

Glaring challengingly at the invisible force ahead of him in the grey sky Raito replied simply,

"I always do."


	23. Chapter 23: Only Love Can Save Me Now

After many hours of trespassing through the abandoned orphanage grounds Raito had left. He had gotten so lost in time, forgetting he had to rest himself for the next night. Oh, yeah. That next night, which would promise dread, aggravation and stupidity. That blonde curse on his life would cling onto him like he was some old, tattered teddy bear she couldn't part with. He moved his thoughts from those disgusting images of Misa to get home without grunting too much. He had gone to bed early, but didn't sleep until late.

He was too flooded with memories of L. He was intrigued by his brain that evening. He was highly interested in the image his mind's eyes had produced. How in the theater in his mind, L could be found slouching among the more official-looking, less interesting men. How he had his spidery digits wrapped up in his jean pockets, his feet were bare; his appearance was ghostly and scrawny as ever. His eyes were coated in black; his hair was a black mass of silk.

He turned in his bed all night, trying desperately to escape L's insistent entry to his mind's eye. Forcing his way back to life, even though he was buried far beneath him. Low in the ground L rotted, slowly falling away, growing more and more into a tree, or a bird, or a solider born to obey society's norms. He was slowly wrinkling and dying away into the embers which he was born from. Obeying the cycle of which he spilled from, leaning into the dark shadows of his surely expensive coffin and accepting his fate.

As Raito had thought he had finally escaped all thoughts of L and was peacefully drifting off to sleep a question swam through his mind.

Did L ever miss him?

_What a stupid question. _

Raito knew that deep within him there was a tainted desire that L still existed in some form. That there was a place beyond this one, where L waited for him. Raito could feel a burn in his throat as he wished with such a wanting ache that his chest hurt. He wished that he could die now. He could die, warm and sleeping in bed; die a God, a legend and authority. Die so he could open his eyes to an even warmer place, somewhere bright and pure; a place where there weren't any skeletons in anyone's closets, there weren't any lies, aliases or secrets. And when he could feel the sunlight crawling over him he would open his eyes to find L in his arms.

He would hold tighter as he felt L tremble in his so desired sleep. He would brush his fingers through L's silk mass, hear his voice again, feel his touch again; and every day in this blissful place awaiting him, L would reassure him that he loved Raito. That he loved Raito more than anyone and anything, that he would wait a million eternities and more for him; fight a million battles, give up his sugary addiction and sacrifice everything for him. Even if it, to simply prove to him how much he cared.

He would be far from Misa Amane, he would be far from criminals, the ghosts of Near, Mello, and all of the investigators he had killed. He would feel L's heart beating against his, watch his blush fill, his eyes lighten up; he could see L's cloying fingers raking through his auburn hair as the lay under a plum tree, the sunlight and atmosphere ideal. L's dark eyes running across his, his cheeks pink, his pulse beating like a drum through his veins; his lips hanging loosely as he would close in on Raito, searching for a kiss.

Raito's face would turn beet red, his heart would race and pound in his ears as he reopened this side of himself. This alternate Raito Yagami who was proud to be in love with L, brave enough to run his hands against L's glassy, fragile shape, strong enough to look L in the eyes. This Raito, though…he wasn't like that one. This Raito Yagami couldn't be proud of loving that crouched, pitiful excuse for a man, he wasn't truly brave enough to touch L. He was always frightened that the slightest touch would cause L to shatter into millions of pieces.

And this Raito Yagami was certainly not strong enough to look L in the eyes.

It scared him, the way L could always see who he was, what he lied of and what was the truth. How L could see through the facades and excuses, fake alibis and lies. He could see right to the truth in Raito. The burning core that kept the flames rising from him, the terrible truth. The truth that he was greedy, he was ignorant and selfish. That he was power-obsessed and filled with emotional turmoil. That somewhere deep inside of him told him he was still a weak human. Nothing of a god, but a simple human with an amazing moment of luck. Or moment of burden?

That made him wonder if that was God. That God was some simple human with an amazing chance or a terrible burden. Or both. Did it matter, really? It was no matter to Raito, though, for as the sun began to rise he realized he had only spent another night among the countless thinking of L and wondering on wonders he never should.

He had gotten exactly an hour of sleep before he was up and moving around. He had eaten breakfast, watched the news, done judging and awaited eight o'clock with dreadful despair. He showered and dressed nicely, anticipating this evening to go by quickly so that he could return home and crawl into bed. So he could dream of L's face, his eyes, his hair, his fragile frame. So he could dream of dying and join him, if God so wished to excuse his absence in humanity.

He was chuckling with Ryuk when his doorbell rang and as he sighed in fearful misery he opened the front door to Misa. She was dressed in a small black dress with fishnet stockings, high, buckled boots and many silver accessories. He grunted as she lurched forward and hugged him. He got out of the nearly painful embrace as fast as he could before saying with a cough,

"What is it you wanted to show me, Misa?"

Misa giggled and replied, "Oh, you want your gift that quick already?"

He glared, sighed in defeat and asked uninterestedly, "You want to get a bite to eat?"

She jumped up happily before chirping, "Oh, thank you, Light! That'd be absolutely adorable of you!"

With that she skipped out the front door humming a happy tune. He turned to Ryuk, silently telling the shinigami with his eyes how badly he wished he had razors for his wrists. He left with Misa, though, and attended a one-sided conversation at dinner in a rather nice restaurant that Misa had picked out. The lighting was dim and the shadows that the candles cast across the room was enough to distract him from Misa's bantering. Once the bill was paid for and the two were walking about on the streets Raito turned and asked insistently,

"Can I see my gift now?"

She smiled and gripped his cold hand lovingly as she told him, "Yeah, come this way."

She dragged him off, around corners and down streets without a single word. Soon enough they were far, far off from home and he wondered if he would ever crawl into bed that night. He sighed in agitation as she pulled over a taxi and they climbed in. He didn't pay any attention to where she directed him, but stared out of the icy window. It was terribly cold outside and he was quite exhausted and full. He wished he could simply receive something mediocre for a God in some small box with a neat bow from Misa. So that he could conclude this night and wrap warmth around him, drifting off into an almost-slumber; numb his mind of everything but L and what he meant…and still means to him.

After a ten minute ride they exited the car, paying the young man at the wheel and walked down another sidewalk. She was gripping his hand again, taking off to what must be some remote, dark place where his supposed gift will be located. They finally approached a walk way, and as Raito looked up he saw a dark, creepy mansion. He looked to Misa and asked,

"What is this?"

She looked to him and replied softly, "It's your gift."

He glared, cocking an eyebrow, but she quickly added, "It's not what you think it is."

He grunted as he was pulled further by her, up to the door and inward. He looked around, not much was dusted or taken care of, leading him to believe no one lived here. He followed Misa's insistent pull on his limb and stopped in the middle of a hallway and simply told him,

"Look."

Raito looked to where her finger pointed; a little further down the hall…

He walked, never glancing back to her. He finally saw what she was talking about…

"A portrait…"

She smiled and eased, "Of what?"

"A blonde kid, black-haired kid, white-haired kid and some old guy." He muttered

His tired mind suddenly switched on as he looked to Misa with wide eyes and asked flabbergasted, "Is…is this L's…home?"

She grinned and asked, "Does it please you?"

He looked to the portrait of the young L and smiled.

_Yes._


	24. Chapter 24: Come Now

**Sorry it took so long, here's the latest chapter. NO IZ NOT END. :**

He looked to Misa and smiled thoughtfully. She deserved that at least, a small rise out of him. She blushed furiously at his grin as he told her,

"How did you find it?"

She looked away bashfully and replied in a mutter, "Oh, I…just lots of…you know, research and stuff."

He hummed an acceptance to her reply and told her, "I want to move in here."

She looked to him with lit up eyes and asked gloriously, "Really? You like it that much?"

Looking to L's young face; the little boy wasn't smiling, he was still terribly pale, but his eyes were bigger, his hair was a little shorter. He was still as frail looking as a china plate, but Raito found him as awkwardly endearing as ever.

"Yeah…I'll pack my stuff tomorrow and I'll be moved in by tomorrow night."

She smiled and looped her arm comfortable through his and said kindly, "I'm glad."

He nodded with a satisfied smile; he was too pleased to be mean to her. He was too overwhelmed with the possibility of being closer to L's presence. He was too flooded with L to be mean; he was too happy. He smirked and announced, "I should get home; pack a little bit, then sleep. Tomorrow will be busy."

"I can help you move in if you'd like, Light." She suggested softly

He nodded again and told her, "Thank you, that'd be a great help, Misa."

She smiled bashfully again, unused to his kind nature and gripped his hand. She looked to him with eyes lit up like Christmas as she said, "Then we should get you home, Light."

He accepted her usually annoying grip on his hand and walked the distance back home. It took a bit less than a half hour for Raito to get home. He made sure Misa caught a taxi and had her call when she got home, although he didn't really care.

Weeks passed, and soon enough he felt right at home in the dark mansion. He paid for the electricity, plumbing, cleaned as much as he could, unpacked all of his belongings; everything seemed to be fine. He was sitting in front of a large fire place, reading a thick novel when a crackle sounded immensely loudly from the pit. He lifted his eyes to meet the fire and looked to Ryuk. The shinigami had been staring at him…

"What?" Raito snarled unwelcomingly

Ryuk chuckled, "Have you picked your bedroom?"

"Of course. It's the master bedroom. Why?"

Ryuk snorted and looked away as he replied, "Makes sense, that's all."

Raito glared and quickly put his book on the small table beside the crimson couch. He rose and began traveling through all of the halls. Switching on the lights impatiently as he turned around each corner. Once he had been sure he had been running through the halls for what seemed hours he turned a corner so sharply he had nearly fallen. He looked up to see Ryuk smiling wildly at the end of the hall which was also the beginning of a dark, unlit staircase. Raito glared to the demon challengingly.

He gathered himself and nearly ran to the stairs. He gripped the black, undusted railing; he hadn't cleaned anything above the second floor. Raito had to hold to it, though, because he would have fallen had he not. The stairs seemed to be leading him to places darker and darker yet. Soon enough, though, he saw a small rectangular opening at the top of the stairs. He smiled victoriously as he quickened his pace and reached the doorway.

He creaked the old, undusted door all the way open and stepped into the room. It was another hall, and it went for a long while. He noted, though, that this hall contained three doors. One of which had a gothic font N on it, another with M and M² and the last one had an L on it. Raito froze at the closed door. He heard Ryuk slowly floating ever closer to him as he stared at the letter. That letter. That letter which meant everything to him.

He was almost scared to enter the rotted, forgotten room of L. It was chilled, and dusty on this floor, the carpet was a died out crimson, covered in cobwebs and dust. His cold, nearly numb hand slowly levitated towards the golden knob of the young, deceased L. He curled his fingers around it, twisting his wrist and pushed the ancient, creaking door open. He squinted his eyes to a sudden, bright light that escaped the open door.

He slowly opened his eyes to the room; it was a very light blue, almost white. There were shelves all around his room, filled with books. There was a small twin bed with two bedside tables of oak. Both had lamps on them, and there was a large window that sat in the wall a few feet from L's bed. A few feet from the foot of the bed were two closets, and it seemed that most of the room had actually been well preserved.

He stopped at L's drawers and opened them. He only had two folded outfits left in the drawers. One was a black turtle-neck sweater and formal black pants, and the other was his usual blue jeans and white shirt. Raito reached in and saw that the dust on the white and blue outfit was not as thick as the black. He deduced that the blue and white outfit must have been put there by L before he died in exchange for something identical.

He took off his shirt then, placing it at the top of L's drawers, and brushed off the white shirt before wearing it. He did the same with L's baggy, worn jeans. Ryuk chuckled to Raito and asked,

"What are you doing that for?"

Raito glared to Ryuk for even asking him such a thing. It's not that it was a stupid question that Raito glared, but the fact that he did not want to admit to wishing he was L. Wishing he was as brilliant and unattached to the rest of the world. He wanted to be close to L again, and loving L, taking L's life in his own arms, taking L's job, and moving into L's home wasn't enough. It wasn't close enough. He wanted to feel L's breath on him again, hear him, see him…he wanted L back.

He walked in further, running his chilled digits over everything he passed. It was all cold, all coated in thin layers of dust and the white rays of lights that escaped the window, into the room illuminated the particles that flew off of L's belongings. He eventually made his way to the window and his blood stained eyes lightened with the white snow falling outside. He closed his eyes and breathed in the foggy, thin, icy air that somehow found its way in from outside.

He had only opened his eyes when he heard an inaudible shout. He turned behind him and something was very different about the room. He saw a young boy, all in white with white hair and dark eyes playing with Lego's on the blue bed. There was a blonde boy, all in black glaring to him from the door way and he shouted again,

"Get out of his room! I said I want to hang out with him and you're only doing it so that he'll choose you to be his successor! You're so stupid! I want to spend time with him cause I care about him!"

"I can't hear you." The ghostly boy replied

"Mello?" a voice called from outside the door

The blonde turned to run to a magenta-haired boy in a striped shirt and jeans with goggles on his head.

"Matt, Near's trying to take L from me."

Matt smiled to the other child and replied, "I don't think he's worth the worry, Mello."

Raito was about to start yelling and screaming, but he felt a grip he hadn't even acknowledged tighten around his shoulder. He looked back to see Ryuk, the demon smiled and said,

"They won't hear you."

"Where the hell are we?" Raito accused

"I thought you knew; I mean, you are the one who deducted I could travel through time."

Raito's wide eyes traveled back to the jealousy unraveling between the three children when a bit of a taller figure walked in. He had short black hair, onyx eyes and a crooked spine. He stared into the room and asked, "What is happening?"

The boy known as Mello was overcome with jubilance to see L. He threw himself onto the boy in a passionate hug of his waist and ribs, crying out,

"Near is taking you away from me!"

L's dark eyes moved to Mello as he stated, "Nothing can be taken from you, Mello. I will always care for you."

Mello smiled and hugged tighter onto L as he whimpered, "Thank you, L."

L nodded and declared, "Would you all leave my room, please? I was planning on reading this afternoon."

Mello's eyes lit up as he let space break between L and him to beg, "Would you read to me, L?"

L blushed lightly as he placed his palm on Mello's head, effortlessly and gently rustling Mello's blonde hairs.

"If you so wish, Mello."

"_No…can I…stay in your bed with you?"_

"_If you so wish, Light-kun." _

Raito blushed, it had been so long. Or at least it seemed so long. So long since he had heard L's timid voice. So long since he saw L's blush, his dark eyes, his crooked composure; he wanted to reach out and touch L. He wanted to smile against L, kiss him, tell him…or rather…ask him…

"I can stay as well?" Near asked

Mello glared to the boy and snarled, "No!"

L looked to Mello with his ever present blank expression and stated indifferently, "Don't be cruel, Mello. Near is just as welcome as you and Matthew."

Mello's girlish features sank into sorrow as he shot Near a dirty look and crossed his thin arms over his chest childishly. The boy, Matthew walked over to Mello, patting the blonde boy on the back as he murmured, "It's not that bad, Mello. Near'll get what's coming to him, you'll see."

The blonde blushed and smiled to his magenta-haired friend and nearly whimpered, "Thanks, Matt."

The boys smiled to each other as L walked across his room and reached for a large book. Raito was so wrapped up in the relaxed, quiet daily life of L that all he cared about was seeing what L would leisurely read to the children that so admired him. When he blinked, though, he was still facing the door, but all the room was white and there was no furniture or children. All there was, was muttering from down the hallway, slowly approaching his location.

He saw a younger Watari arrive in the frame of the door, holding the hand of a small, pale boy. The boy's hair was long and black, some stray locks of ebony spreading across his facial features. His wide, English eyes roaming around the room, their natural black outlining enhanced by his charcoal outfit; black turtle-neck sweater and formal pants.

He looked to the older man and held a gaze with him for a long while. Watari then asked in a scratched tone, "Well, would you like to have this room?"

The young L did not smile, or laugh or reply really. He simply leaned in and gripped the man's leg in a tight embrace. Watari seemed caught off guard by the boy's actions, but seemed immensely touched. He spoke again, "What is your favorite color?"

"Blue and White."

Watari seemed shocked at the readied response and looked down to the boy again. L added, "Blue is the color of bravery and loyalty to one's self, people, country and morals. White is the color of independence, honesty, purity and justice. That is why they are my favorite."

The old man smiled and replied softly, "That is very honorable of you."

The boy smiled invisibly, "Thank you, Watari-san."


	25. Chapter 25: Be My Savior

**THIS IS NOT THE END**

**Anyway, thanks for all the reviews and PMs and everything, guys! It's all really greatly appreciated and I hope you enjoy your new 5-page chapter! I just had to make up for my absence! Hope you enjoy! There's some French in this, so here are the translations in order of when they're spoken:**

**L was divine justice, you can never hope to be him.**

**A wretch such as you, L could never love. You make us ill.**

**You are not welcome here.**

**Your guilt, your regret and tears cannot bring the dead back alive, Light, your pain means nothing to me. Sorry is not good enough.**

Time had so quickly evaporated through Raito's hands. He glared to the young ebony-haired boy that sat on his new bed, reading. Raito scowled to the boy, wishing he could reach out and touch him. Reach his voice out to L, extend his words to him and ask him if he's okay. Raito's red eyes shined in interest as the young boy Raito grew to know as Mello wandered in.

As Mello's dark eyes lowered in shy care Raito finally noticed the black suit L was wearing. Mello looked up to his hero and asked softly, "Are you okay?"

L looked from his book to Mello, Mello looked up to him finally and flustered somewhat at the intense gaze L was planting on his figure. L did not reply, but rose. He walked towards Mello and took the darkly dressed boy into a light embrace. Mello held back to L tightly, though surprised by L's tender actions.

The young L looked to Mello, with his hands planted firmly on the other boy's shoulders, finally replying, "Thank you for caring about me, Mello. It means much more to me than I will ever expect you to understand."

Raito looked to Ryuk and asked simply, "What's happened?"

Ryuk chuckled, but when Raito looked back he found himself back in the blue, abandoned room he had first entered. He looked to Ryuk, mesmerized and ventured, "Why could I see him? Why couldn't he see me?"

"You could see him because I say that you can. And he can't see you because you're not there."

Raito did not waste energy on shooting the shinigami a dirty look and rather sat down on L's bed silently. As he sat, particles highlighted by the white light from outside the window flew up into the air. He ran his hand against the worn, pathetic blanket that once covered the now deceased L. His breath shown fogged against the cold air of the room.

The room itself reminded Raito of L; blank, untainted by a normal teenaged boy's perverse posters or awful choices in musical bands. It was seemingly never used and you could never imagine one laughing within it. Against the cold winter air, brushing against the dirtied blankets with dry, unused flesh marked with ink stains.

You could never imagine more than one bed in this room, as was the impression Raito received from L; that he could never imagine L with anyone else. L was closed off from the world, like this room. The third floor, all the way down the hall, locked away by winter's harsh winds. It was nearly empty, but that was almost invalid. L only seemed empty; he appeared uncaring, heartless, harsh and cold. That, though, was only one side of L.

There was a summer side to L too. There was that side where he laughed hysterically and wished to only see the world in all of its beauty. That side wished to walk about in Italy, gazing at flowers and eating only candies and cakes like a defiant child. That side was not this room. The notebook that was L overflowed with empty papers, but sometimes there could be found a doodle or a note jotted down here and there.

When you found one of those wonderful pages, they illustrated wonderful stories of justice, or elusive signs of care or secret desires. That was summer and spring in L. When his heart was opened to a new sheet of paper that was to be written on by L's poor improvisation of life Raito could see this room differently. He could see this room filled with the sun's blazing gold insignia, he could imagine L smiling, laughing and spreading his curtains widely to welcome the waves of warmth from outside his window.

Raito opened his eyes again and stood. He walked from his dusted seat on L's former bed to walk down the creaking, decrepit staircase. When he reached the threshold welcoming him to the second floor he turned to Ryuk whom had been floating behind him the entire time to ask,

"Is there anything else I should see?"

Ryuk smiled and uttered, "All in good time, Light."

Raito would not take that, though; he was far too impatient for 'good time' to whirl its ugly head around. He wanted to know everything about L and he wanted it all now. Or was Ryuk's feeble attempt to keep Raito in suspense some sign of care from the demon? It wasn't like Ryuk to put much effort into anything, so why now? Why would he keep things from Raito?

The only answer that made sense to him was the thought that, perhaps Ryuk cared about Raito and his closed of emotions enough to try and protect them. Protect him from what, though?

"Why was L dressed so formally?"

Ryuk looked to Raito with a blank expression nearly stolen from L and Watari before replying,

"He had gone to a funeral."

Raito glared, unbelieving to the fact that he had to ask,

"Who's?"

Ryuk chuckled rather than replied to Raito's inquest and decided to float away muttering inaudible whispers. Raito glared ever longer, his maroon eyes darkening; blanketed by the surrounding shadows of the rotted staircase and darkened hallway. He growled softly, finally deciding that he must get Ryuk to spill his secrets and begrudgingly followed the shinigami down halls and stairs until they reached the two, polished wooden doors of Watari's former Master Bedroom.

Ryuk smiled to Raito sinisterly as Raito gripped the two golden handles on the door and pulled them open. He looked around; dark red carpeting, a king-size bed with bedding puffy and smooth. There were two long windows stretching from the ceiling to the floor, a large gap of wall between them and they were both blanketed by thin, red curtains. There were two closets a few feet off from the foot of his bed, where sat a trunk.

Raito glared to Ryuk again, announcing, "It looks the same as always…what is it?"

Ryuk looked to Raito with the same intensity and rage in his gumball eyes, but he suddenly broke into a small chuckle. Raito was not a fool, so when he was made to look a fool he was immensely angered; now what could that disgusting dunderhead be laughing at?

"What?!" Raito snarled

Ryuk wiped away nonexistent tears before sighing and replying, "I just can't take you seriously like that…"

Raito looked down on himself, spreading his arms out as if to examine for something unnatural hanging from them. When he found nothing strange he looked to Ryuk with a cocked eyebrow and objected, "What?"

Ryuk replied then, "You're dressed like L…you look ridiculous."

Raito blushed; it felt like the first time in centuries. The last time he blushed was…

"_I want you to call me L again."_

Raito's lowered eyes traveled to Ryuk's again as he stated softly, "I just want to see L again."

Ryuk was not surprised, though he looked it. He had truly known all along, after all, Misa could not cause Raito any emotional tremors or lack of rational thought, or cause him sleepless, pitiful nights of crying. Raito was a bright young man; a genius and his mind was a labyrinth, twisting with theories, histories and many more questions than any normal human could create with their pathetic minds.

Raito was truly a God among men.

"So you're willing to admit you cared about L?" Ryuk asked with a sinister smile

Raito looked away, glaring; he would not be humiliated. He ignored Ryuk and rather than answering the vexing question he repeated, "I don't see anything different from the usual in here, Ryuk…what's here?"

Ryuk just chuckled and turned his back to Raito and the room. When Raito turned back to call after the demon, Ryuk finally muttered, "All in due time, Light, all in due time."

Soon enough the streets were growing colder and darker as night approached them noisily. Guttural winds pushing through the creases of the mansion haunted his empty evening; besides a short call from Misa, fixing himself dinner and finishing the diminutive list of judging, he had gone the whole day unbothered. That is; until the moon was completely over the horizon and planting a serpentine patterned blanket of light on the house's face.

Raito was reading his novel, trying the best he could to ignore the winds pushing through the cracks in the walls, and determined to convince himself that he was not just staring at this single word on the yellowed page of this arduous book because he was uninspired to move on. He supposed it didn't mean anything anymore, no matter the book or the author; since L has been gone, every ending would be tragic, bleak, lonely and melancholic.

No matter if the prince found his princess, if the pauper became a millionaire, if the father saved his son, if the mother finally understood her daughter; every day, every page, every sentence, line and punctuation would mean emptiness to Raito, leaving him joyless, estranged and unfulfilled. When his vision dulled lazily upon the word he had been staring at the past twenty one minutes and forty two seconds there was a sudden crack and the lights went out.

He finally looked up; the lit fireplace illuminating the room crimson and gold, but this warm light could not comfort him. In his dark mindset, his body's dreary, abandoned chemicals too tired to make him rational; he couldn't find anything within him to calm the anxious beat of his heart. His sight was perplexed and fatigued in the darkness, but his other senses were at their territorial peak and he was nearly convinced he was about to have a heart attack.

He closed his heavy eyes and listened to the roaring wind outside. When he thought he was almost drifting off into sleep he heard a terrifying cry. He whipped his head around, his eyes were only welcomed to the darkness he knew was there. He squinted, to perhaps see what made that sound, for he did not want an animal in his home…

_wait…am I sure it's even an animal?_

As he looked into the darkness behind the cushions upon which he rested he saw something white forming; forming, enlarging, growing closer…he couldn't tell, but in a moment there was a white, frosted image only feet from him.

It was that boy; Near

Raito's eyes widened as his pupils shrank in horror and Near's image scowled to him and whimpered eerily, "L était justice divine, vous peut ne jamais espérer être lui."

The white figure than ran off; Raito rose shaking and followed after the figure out of instinct. He called after Near, his only lighting was the illumination Near provided. When Raito had followed Near to a very narrow, dark hallway on the second floor he was finally close enough and reached his arms out and gripped the figure. He was infuriated when Near became a cold rise of fog the moment his hands touched him.

Raito's blood-stained eyes looked up to see two darker figures leaning against the corner of the hall. One he immediately knew as Mello, and the other he deducted was Matt. Both had a darker aura to them than Near, and both glared to Raito as if he were a bug on the bottom of their shoes. Raito's heart skipped two beats when they opened their transparent mouths and seethed in unison; "Un wretch tel que vous, L a pu ne jamais aimer. Vous nous rendez malades."

Raito lunged for them, but just as Near the vanished like smoke the moment he neared them. His anger was near palpable, but hope was lit within him when he saw the three of them walking up the third-floor staircase a little far off. Raito immediately chased after them, growling under rushed breath that shown white against the cold air of the house. He raced after them, into L's bedroom, but once he had made it through the door he saw a light vanish out the window.

He quickly went to the creaking window, and leaned his head outside into the pouring rain and whipping winds. He spotted a small light crawl onto the roof and he instantaneously followed after; mother nature torturing his efforts, screaming to him that all of his hopes and determination to find these spirits atop his new home would prove fruitless. All the while he climbed the shingles of the elderly building he heard the voices of Near, Mello and Matt muttering in his ear words he couldn't understand; "Vous n'êtes pas bienvenu ici."

Raito finally reached the roof and looked up to see no one; no illuminating figures, or foreign whispers, there was nothing but the darkness of night, the pouring rain, pounding thunder, frightening lightening and desperate tone of his gasps. He fell to his knees on the flat, cement roof and pounded his fist into the raindrops as he began to feel a hot thump in his throat and tears forming in his eyes. He swore silently, causing him a headache as his fingers curled inwardly, the skin raking harshly against the jagged ground.

He finally rose unsteadily and twisted around quickly, only to nearly fall to his death as he looked into the onyx orbs of someone whom for so long until now, seemed to never exist. His breath and swearing got caught up in his throat as he backed away and fell onto his bottom and elbows. He looked up, wide-eyed at the floating image.

"…L…"

The image's facial expression was blank, ghostly white; his figure was glowing lightly as he looked graceful and untouchable. Raito stared in astonishment; L's clothes plastered to his shivering body, his hair planted against his face and ears. His hairs would have been standing up in fear and amazement had they not been so forcefully pushed against him. He finally broke down into hysterical tears and wept, "L…L, I've missed you…I…I didn't want to hurt you! I didn't want to kill you! Why didn't you trust my judgment? My justice? Why didn't you believe in me?"

L did nothing but looked to Raito pitifully as Raito sobbed; "You've been so gone…you've been so erased so long! I…I…I'm right, L…I-I've always been right! Why can't you see it? Can't you see how beautiful the world is now?!"

L still, did and said nothing to Raito and soon began to dissipate, but in Raito's vulnerable terror of losing L again he screamed, "NO! DON'T GO, STAY, PLEASE!"

L froze at the nearly vanished state he was in and listened as Raito finally uttered; "I want you to be alive again…I…regret killing you, L…I…I…I feel guilty, L…I've never felt guilty, until you! Until you ruined everything!"

L finally leaned forward to Raito, his icy lips ever so close to Raito's as he replied,

"Votre culpabilité, votre regret et larmes ne peuvent pas rapporter les morts vivants, Kira, votre douleur ne signifie rien à moi. Désolé n'est pas assez bon."

Raito's eyes overflowed with tears as L's voice, that had seemed so lost through time, entered his ears and rendered a sweet, rewarding victory. His eyes though, told L that he could not translate, so L whispered against Raito's cold, red ears, "Your pain means nothing, Kira-sama."

Raito's eyes shut tightly in pain; L's cold words hitting him like ten swords through his back. When he opened his eyes, though, L was gone and Raito was left to howl and weep in the stormy night shadows.


	26. Chapter 26: And I'll Be Your

**READ READ READ**

**Hey guys, THIS IS NOT THE END. **

**To make up for my short chapters; here's seven pages! Woo hoo! Our story is slowly approaching it's end and I will of course repeat this another million times, but all PMs, reviews and support has been absolutely amazing, greatly appreciated and I am very grateful to all of my readers. So I hope you guys enjoy your new chapter! Review!**

That night was strange in multiple ways to Raito. He walked around the large kitchen, fixing himself some kind of meal for breakfast; anything he could manage without trouble. The storm was still carrying through, pushing its awful winds through the creaks and crevasses of his mansion. No matter the weather, novel or meal, he couldn't get L off of his mind.

All night he had sat up in the living room, staring at the crackling fireplace as the storm bellowed outside. He thought of how even though L was not truly with him, that when he looked to the cruel figment that night, it was enough to last him eternity. He had ached so much for L's company, for his voice, his touch and reassurance.

The only need in his repetitive list that intrigued him was reassurance. He had never needed anyone but himself, he never cared about anyone else's opinion, because Raito Yagami was always right. Light Yagami was always right. Kira was always right. He knew he was a genius, he was strong and righteous. He made this world beautiful, but if he was so confident, then why did his heart spew that word? Reassurance?

Raito Yagami never asked, "Really?", or "Truly?", "Is this right?", "You really think so?". He never needed to. It was only when he thought of L; he never needed reassurance from Misa, his dead parents, his estranged sister, his lost friends…just L.

"_You pain means nothing, Kira-sama."_

Raito cringed at the memory of L's harsh words. When L's lips lowered to his ears and muttered the terrible words of L's romantic declination to Raito, it was cold. Not like that day, that day when their silhouettes rested against the rainy city…

"_W-what was that, Light-kun?"_

"_That's not true, you told me you weren't interested in romance, but then when I was carrying you, you kissed me."_

"_Forgive me, then, Light-kun."_

Raito blushed at that. L always tried to hide that little speck of care that burned for Raito; Raito knew that. He knew that L cared, because L never let his guard down. He never said he was wrong, he never said sorry and L certainly never needed reassurance. Raito's eyes widened; how many times had Raito brushed off L's signs of care? Had L ever tried to show him that he cared?

"_Forgive me, then, Light-kun."_

"_I am? I'm a good friend, Light-kun?"_

"_I…I had a weak moment. I didn't mean to burden you with that."_

"_I recall you telling me that I kissed you, Light-kun, thus I must be at fault. I am sorry, Light-kun."_

"_I'm saying, Light-kun, that it is impossible for you to have wanted to kiss me because I am nothing compared to you!"_

"_If you won't break, I won't."_

If Raito doesn't break, L doesn't. Was that truly how it was? He really relied on Raito all that time? Constantly praying that Raito did not betray his trust? Did L really try to show him?

"_No matter how he fights it, I happen to know that L cares deeply about you, Yagami-san."_

"_There has never been a moment L hasn't felt alone. No matter what kind of fatherly, parenting, or friendly position I tried to fill for him, he could always go on without me. Since he befriended you, though, Yagami-san…he has told me that he does not always feel so alone."_

"_I needed to see you…"_

"_My heart, Light-kun…my heart led me to you…it needed you…"_

How many times was that? One, two, three…eleven times—right off the top of his head? He had not killed L; he destroyed him. L was fragile, weak, frail and delicate; his heart was made of glass and his feelings…his feelings belonged to everyone. Everyone of this Earth, L loved and cared about to put his life on the line to protect them. Every criminal, he felt compassion for enough to give each and every one a fair trial; every average human being, L always swore to protect with his life, whether they loved or despised him.

And when they followed Kira, he was never torn down from his self-proclaimed obligation to sacrifice everything for their safety. He never gave up hope, he never doubted his heart and he never wavered. Never.

And all Raito ever had to do was tell L that he was doing the right thing, that Kira was evil, and that kept the fire burning within L. That was all L needed; L needed Raito's reassurance just as much as Raito needed his. But Raito would never receive L's blessings. L would treat a criminal with more care than Raito, now. If some low-life criminal killed a young girl and admitted it, Raito knew L's nature, and L would be grateful for his honesty.

Raito, though…he kept his power secret for so long. He kept everything bottled up inside, only to have it pour out into L's eyes. But there was kindness there too. In L's ebony eyes; there was understanding and comfort swirling in the charcoal smoke of L's irises just for Raito. When L looked to Raito, and told him the cruel words Raito knew he deserved, there was still mercy. That alone made Raito believe that L was divine. That L would always treat one with kindness and equality, and still bestow justice unto those who so deserved it.

When Raito was young, he wanted to be a detective or police officer just as his father. And even when those ambitions faded as he utilized the Death Note, when he grew to know L…and he saw…

Saw how L would place judgment and try to hide away his heart, Raito admired him. Because through all of the pain, the blood spill, the lies, the false hopes, the good-byes, the case that he had to let die away, feeling like he failed everyone…through it all, he still cared that much. It still killed him that much every time he saw the frowns, and the tears and the loss of others. And that was the kind of detective he wanted to be. That was the kind of person he wanted to be.

Somewhere along the line, though…Raito lost his way.

Perhaps it was the jealousy of raw honesty, power and true justice that made him kill L, or perhaps it was the rage within him, bubbling for everything in this earth that made L's death inevitable. Maybe it was Raito's purpose. He didn't know anymore; he didn't know anything anymore, but L. That's all Raito knew.

That's all Raito could trust.

He turned around only to be startled by Ryuk. He glared to Ryuk, holding the white china with his meal tightly so not to drop it. Ryuk chuckled; "You've lost it, Light."

Raito simply scowled to the demon and walked past him into the living room. As he set the plate down, preparing to eat another tasteless meal, Ryuk's voice sounded from the kitchen and added, "You still want to know what's in the bedroom?"

Raito's head twisted to the shinigami with interest and replied, "Yes."

Ryuk snickered and began to float off, down another narrow passage. Raito begrudgingly followed the demon to the master bedroom and entered; still there was nothing that was strange to the naked eye. Ryuk slipped by Raito and flew to the mahogany bureau that Raito so dearly treasured. The demon told him, "Move the desk."

Raito grunted and followed the god's order. Once the desk was off to the right of it's imprint on the carpeted floor, Raito stared to Ryuk. The demon's wired finger was pointing to a miniscule vent that had been so useless to Raito that he had blocked it with his bureau. Raito cocked an eyebrow, but Ryuk assured him that his directions were sure to lead him to a reward by stating simply, "It's in there."

"What is?" Raito quickly enjoined

Ryuk smiled before nearly hissing, "Evidence."

Raito's face drew a blank while his mind raced with nonsense he could not form into coherent, frontal thoughts. He glared before crouching down before the wall; he let his eyes slowly gather the dusty vent's golden, floral pattern before wrapping his fingers around the columns of metallic golden construction. He flinched slightly as he pulled and the small door easily fell out with its nails and expelled clouds of dust.

He coughed lightly and softly, gracefully placed the golden gate on the floor. He looked into the darkness of the vent and began to reach his arm out. When his outstretched digits were meeting the shadows of the wall he heard a boisterous crack of lightening and thunder from outside his bedroom windows and he nearly fell back in fright. He began cursing himself inwardly; why was he scared?

L could not use whatever "evidence" was in here now, and if there was anything incriminating, there is still no one who would find it. But if L had evidence against him, why wouldn't he had used it? What kind of "evidence" was in there? And why was Raito over-thinking so much? He was a God, Kira, no one can touch him. He's safe now.

He composed himself against before reaching forward against and letting the darkness capture his limb. He fumbled around in the cobwebbed, dust-infested pocket clumsily before finally feeling something other than cold metal. He smirked victoriously as he pulled out the wooden box that had been so deeply hidden within the mansion. He stared at it for a moment before blowing away the grey coat of age that had formed over it.

It had a carved "W" on it and a golden lock. Raito looked to Ryuk and asked blankly, "Where's the key?"

"You really think a technologically advanced guy like Watari used a key? You need a password." 

Raito did not waste time nor energy by sneering at the demon and instead thought for a moment. It didn't take him long to come up with the surely simple answer; he brought the aged box to his face before clearly stating before the lock, "L"

The lock clicked and fell from the box; Raito decided to ignore Ryuk's muttered compliments. Raito watched as the box opened to a red, velvet interior. It seemed unlike the rest of the box; clean and soft, and within the box Raito found a black video tape. It was not labeled or identifiable at all; this only proved to worsen Raito's anxiety.

Ryuk announced through laughter, "Let's go check it out. Hope we don't die in seven days."

Raito ignored the shinigami's terrible sense of humor and walked by him, rushing to the living room. He quickly had the cassette in it's player and turned the television on; the screen went black for a moment, but then turned into the living room Raito was currently sitting in. Instead, though, it was lighter, happier looking; it had a lit Christmas tree with the fire place burning bright and it was filled with children.

He heard Watari's younger voice call out, "Go sit next to Mireio."

Raito then saw a young boy, dressed in a black, private-school uniform step forward, into the camera's vision. He had short black hair, large black eyes and a curious expression as he sat next to one of the children. The girl, Mireio, was seated next to this young L; her hair was short and dark brown. Her eyes were tilted, naturally sad and she seemed just as pale as L. The girl looked to L and told him, "Merry Christmas."

Raito squinted, though it did nothing to help him hear whatever L may have responded with over the muttered conversation of the other guests. The camera zoomed in on L's young face and Raito heard Watari's voice sound again, "Will he not speak to you?"

The girl nodded negatively; Watari then replied in a gentle laugh, "It's just because he likes you."

The girl looked to L, as if hoping for him to clarify this accusation; the young boy did nothing but blush and look away shyly. Raito chuckled at the childish flirtation, that is until he remembered how much he hated laughter. Raito remembered how much he despised it since L had been gone, because laughter only reminded him of the pain and loss of L…

"_L-light-k-k-kun!"_

"_Aha…Ryuuzaki?"_

"_I've never seen you like this."_

"_What?"_

"_I've never seen you…laughing or…anything…"_

"_I've never really been happy."_

Raito cringed; it hurt. It hurt to remember L; it hurt to regret.

"_Light-kun…"_

"_Yeah?" _

"_You're good at being my friend."_

"_You're good at being my friend, Ryuuzaki."_

"_I am? I'm a good friend, Light-kun?"_

"_Of course, Ryuuzaki…"_

Raito tried to shake off L's soft voice, his silk, candy touch, the memory of the special, silent smile he only showed to Raito. He tried to forget the rush of blood to his cheeks, tried to forget L's laugh, his long, spidery figure, his stringy arms wrapping around him and running through his hair. He tried to forget how much L meant to him, but it only made him hurt more.

The video suddenly went black and it switched to a different lighting, a different place. L was older, but Mello was there too, and Mello still seemed approaching adolescence, so it still must have been many years ago. L was sitting on the grass with Mello, probably somewhere in their backyard as the wind was blowing by. It was a long time of silence before Mello asked, "L, why don't you tell a story or something?"

"Why?" L replied

"Because…we're being taped." Mello told him simply

L did not look at the camera all of this time, and still did not as he said rather coldly, "What's the use? You are just going to watch this when I die because you will feel sad. I do not normally tell you stories, Mello, so if I did on this tape, it would be unlike myself. It would not be remembering me as I was."

Mello blushed, tears beginning to form in the child's eyes as Watari's voice rang from behind the camera, "L…that…wasn't appropriate."

L looked to Watari and asked, "Why? It is the truth. I do not mind thinking about dying, Watari. Mello and Near's tears at the mention of it flatters me, truly. I will be thankful for my death, no matter the situation, Watari. For I had a father and brothers."

After stating "brothers" L placed his ghostly, spidery hand on Mello's blonde head and patted him lovingly. L looked to the camera and simply stated, "I do not approve of those machines anymore, Watari. They only complicate things."

"L…" Mello asked softly

L looked to him and hummed, "Mmm?"

"If we really watch this when you die, will you come and visit us as a ghost when we watch it?"

L looked up, pondering for a moment before telling Mello, "I think I can manage that."

Mello reached forward and hugged L tightly before the camera went black; enveloping L's shut eyes against Mello's friendly advance and his thin arms around the small child. Raito did not look to Ryuk as he asked, "…is he here?"

Ryuk smiled darkly before telling Raito, "Yes."

Raito glared, still not looking to the demon, "Why can't I see him?"

"He doesn't want you to." Ryuk told him with sinister satisfaction

Raito whipped around and snarled, "Then why does he let you see him?!"

Ryuk chuckled and told him, "It's the shinigami eyes."

"Give them to me!" Raito demanded

Ryuk's demonic features twisted into wild excitement as he tormented the shadows on the walls around them and replaced Raito's average eyes with his own. Raito's eyes still remained their enchanting, human form, but were gifted with the shinigami's powers to see spirits, identities and life spans. He looked around, but did not see his crouched sleuth.

He glared to Ryuk, overcome with pent up anger, regret and hysteria as he growled, "Where is he?!"

"He went up to the roof once you asked me for the eyes."

Raito made haste and bolted down the halls and up the stairs, out the window and back onto the roof he had been on the other night. He looked around and finally spotted L and begged after him, "L! L, PLEASE WAIT!"

The detective froze and looked to Raito with dark composure. Raito stood, here again, in the pouring rain to only be greeted with the icy glare L plastered to Raito's figure. Raito froze then. He did not know what to tell L. He just wanted L to be there. But why? Why did he need L? Why did he love L?

No matter how Raito had tried to stop it, his heart spewed out a disturbing answer, that simply read, "He is Justice."

Was that it? Was L right all along? Was L truly righteous? Raito was wrong? But…how? How could he be wrong? How could he regret? How could he love? The thoughts made him sick to the pit of his stomach, forcing him to lurch forward and cling to his stomach in ill discomfort. L seemed untouched by his display of pain, but Raito needed to reach him, get some reaction or reply. Raito looked up, hot tears running down his face as he told him,

"L…R-Ryuuzaki…I…I was…wrong."

L seemed somewhat surprised. He finally walked to Raito, levitating directly before Raito and replied, "Je sais."

Raito cried out, "You knew? I-I know you knew…but…I know something…y-you didn't know."

L seemed unimpressed by this, or perhaps he did not believe Raito's statement. Raito bent his head back down and sobbed, "You didn't know…that I…that I loved you, L…"

The detective's spirit seemed taken aback, almost offended. L's lips parted and explained, "Kira-sama…Vous êtes confondu, vous ne m'avez pas aimé…you are mistaken."

Raito's angry features shot up to L as he snarled mercilessly, "Don't call me, Kira! Y-you called me Light, L! I told you to call me Light! And I am not confused, I'm not mistaken, L…you were right from the beginning. I would get what I deserved. And I did…I fell in love with you, L, and then I…I brought this pain onto myself, L…I know now, I know. But never doubt that I loved you, L…I…I really, really loved you…I really love you, L."

Raito sobbed as he looked down to the ground again and added, "And it hurts."

"It" was the only way Raito could word himself. It was everything. It was the regret, the elusive signs of care, the aggravation, the hysteria, the sanity (or lack there of), the sleepless nights, the tempting glances and heart wrenching memories. It was everything L left behind.

"It hurts…" Raito repeated

"Je sais. Il y aura toujours d'obscurité où c'est lumière. Il y aura toujours mauvais où il y a bon. Il y aura toujours puissance où il y a faiblesse. C'est pourquoi les personnes faibles donnent dans la puissance. Vous, Lumière-kun, êtes l'une des victimes malheureuses de la séduction de la puissance. Et il y aura toujours de pitié où cette haine. Je ne peux pas vous détester, Lumière-kun. Et bien que je sache je peux ne jamais vous pardonner pour ce que vous avez fait à moi et aux personnes de ce monde, je ne peux pas oublier le battement de mon coeur quand j'étais près à vous. Cela, malheureusement, forcera toujours une petite ouverture de la pitié pour vous à mon coeur." L whimpered

Raito looked up, "I don't speak that tongue, L."

Raito's heart suddenly sped up as he saw L form his invisible smile and repeat, "There will always be darkness where this is light. There will always be evil where there is good. There will always be power where there is weakness. That is why weak people give into power. You, Light-kun, are one of the unfortunate victims of power's seduction. And there will always be mercy where this hatred. I cannot hate you, Light-kun. And although I know I can never forgive you for what you have done to me and the people of this world, I cannot forget the beat of my heart when I was near to you. That will, unfortunately, always force a small opening of mercy for you in my heart."

Raito smiled and bowed gratefully before L and asked, "L…did you ever love someone?"

"Yes."

Raito looked up, but L was gone. His heart bled with fortune and hope for a full night's sleep. L would forgive him. L would always forgive him. He never should have doubted. He smiled to the black, smoky sky and whispered, "God blessed you, L."


	27. Chapter 27: I Promise To Be Your

**FOR THIS CHAPTER AND THE NEXT:**

**I suggest playing "Good Enough" by Evanescence. I played it on repeat while I wrote these two chapters; hope you guys like 'em, leave me some reviews!**

Raito was standing in the shower; all the tiles were peach, off-white. It was rather pleasant—he hadn't really enjoyed any form of relaxation since L's death. Raito was resting his back against the fogged tiles, the steam was filling the room and he was slightly dizzy, but it didn't bother him. His head was hung tiredly as the water slid through his hair, over his neck and down his back.

He knew Ryuk was probably floating outside the door, hoping to perhaps hear some dramatic weeping from Raito. Knowing this, he called out and asked, "The water from the shower doesn't have a lifespan…why can I only see peoples' life spans?"

He saw Ryuk's serpentine silhouette float through the wall and onto the other side of his curtain before replying, "Because they continue. They travel down the gutters, out onto the streets, on someone's tire, to the mud, that gets stuck on someone's shoe, that gets taken off near a lake, eventually splashed and is dragged back into the water, eventually becomes fog and rain, then someone's water all over again. Get it?"

"They…continue…?"

"_I…I just don't understand."_

"_Understand?"_

"_I don't get how…you can't find anything in yourself that's acceptable…"_

"_It's quite a simple concept, Light-kun…when you watch what you do, hear what you say, but still no one wants to hear it, or see it…it's just a simple idea of time passing."_

"_Time passing?"_

"_Yes…you see…I could continue on my whole life thinking that there's truly one person out there in the world that would turn to me and think I was beautiful, when I know that I can't even see it, or I could move on and leave that invalid idea behind me. I didn't want to spend the rest of my life in a fictional tale, where I would always think that someone out there could love me. Time was passing, and I did not want to waste it." _

Raito didn't know what made him remember that small conversation between him and L. Not that it mattered; everything made him think of L, everything reminded him of L and that used to cause his heart pain. It used to torture him, setting his heart on fire, his soul and stomach churning, but now…it was different now…

"_I cannot hate you, Light-kun. And although I know I can never forgive you for what you have done to me and the people of this world, I cannot forget the beat of my heart when I was near to you. That will, unfortunately, always force a small opening of mercy for you in my heart."_

L told him; L couldn't hate him. No matter how much L hated what Raito did, hated how he thought, how he felt and functioned, L would always love him. He would always have mercy. L would always care for him, no matter how much L hated the fact that he loved Raito. No matter how far L seemed. No matter how long he was so, so very gone.

Raito smiled and ordered more than asked Ryuk, "You'll take me back in time today."

Ryuk cocked a purple eyebrow, replying, "Where to?"

He tilted the back of his head against the shower tiles and muttered; "I want to see when L first realized he was in love."

Ryuk snickered, "Finally; tell me when you're ready."

With that, Ryuk left the room through the ceiling, never acknowledging Raito's twisted expression. Raito was glaring with confusion or perhaps shock; that word—"Finally" …

Why had Ryuk added that? Did he know this was going to happen; knew that Raito was going to ask?

Then for the first time he could recall, his brain refused to work. It refused to search for any hidden meaning behind what Ryuk had said; it denied Raito of any deducting or hypothesizing. It simple slowed down and finally told him to relax and think of what he really wanted to. Who he really wanted to.

He sank down to the floor of the shower; he sighed as he remembered L. It seemed that L was the only thing that could relax him; the only thing that he could see clearly in his mind, the only thing that really made sense anymore. As much as the paranoia had formed and terrorized Raito, as much as jealousy had replaced ambitions, as much as the hopeless feeling of having been wrong and worthless had flooded his once glowing pride, and as much as L had haunted his every motion…Raito hadn't wanted L to stop his haunting.

He didn't want L to leave his few moments of slumber, or stop following his mind throughout the day, he didn't want to not think of L when he saw candy, cake or his own pen gliding across the Death Note. He didn't want L to leave him alone; L kept him from becoming completely insane. L kept him on Earth, kept him praying for the day he could die and join him. Had L truly been gone, truly left Raito to himself all this time…

"_Nothing…I suppose growing closer to Ryuuzaki, though, would be a good move. He's a blank slate, so there's nothing to really get attached to anyway, right?"_

Raito laughed at the memory of him saying those foolish words. He never saw it coming; never saw how much his heart would love honesty, how much it would need it. He never predicted how profoundly in love he would fall with L and he certainly never anticipated how deeply his guilt and regret would cut into him. He never thought he would miss the crouched sleuth.

He always thought he would be glad to be rid of him, but it wasn't the case. When Raito thought this, he wondered when he realized he was in love with L…

"…_L?"_

Raito remembered how L's arms were wrapped around his neck, tugging Raito down to him. Now that Raito recalled the moment, he could remember that rapid pace of his heart, how the slight chill in the room was then ignored when Raito had been flooded with hot blood. He remembered L's lanky fingers running through his hair as he abided, further leaning unto L. And he remembered L's pitiful whimper of,

"…_Light…"_

Raito closed his eyes as he remembered capturing L's soft lips in his for the first time, remembered how he was shocked at their supple texture, remembered how he was so nervous, how his rational side screamed to him how all of it was so wrong, so terrible and consequential. Then Raito remembered how a weight as heavy as lead that he had never really acknowledged before, lifted from his chest when he kissed L.

He remembered how that weight left his heart and the small bird that was locked away in the cage of his chest sang out. It wasn't a high, it wasn't ecstasy and it wasn't a fantasy, but it was relief. His heart sang, telling him how it felt so right, it was so good and irresistible that no matter how his smarts told him how awful it was. How it was supposed to feel bad, how he was supposed to be repulsed, how he was supposed to want to tear away, but he couldn't.

And he knew now, he never wanted to.

He later left the shower, dressed and told Ryuk to wait until he was done 'judging'. Raito took his Death Note into the living room and rested it against his lap. He began shuffling through papers, then the internet, newspaper and became nervous. He finally turned on the news, but still…

Ryuk snickered and asked, "Finally realized?"

Raito twisted around to face the demon from the couch and with wide eyes asked, "There's…no criminals?"

Ryuk only replied with more laughter.

Raito twisted back around and let his face drop and stare saucer-eyed at the black book in his lap. The television was flashing colors in his peripheral vision onto the book. He didn't know what to do; he was frozen, bolted, stuck there, staring at these meaningless words, "Death Note". The book of never-ending pages and never-ending punishment and power; it meant nothing to Raito now. And something…interesting happened…

As Raito stared at the book his eyes sank back into their adolescent glow; to their wide, innocent, light chocolate shade. Kira had left him, and now that he stared at this book, he saw it nothing more than the weapon that killed the only love he had ever known. His heart suddenly ached and he gasped as he felt tears overflow from him. He needed to vent, he needed to call out to L, tell him in some way what he was feeling; and although he knew Ryuk did not care, he cried out to him,

"Oh, God, Ryuk! I killed him! I killed them! I killed all of them! I killed L! I killed him! Why did I kill him?! Why was I so scared, Ryuk?! Why?!"

Ryuk glared to the pitiful sight before him; this was not the Raito he knew. The Raito he knew would have been crying with tears of joy and pride; no. Raito wouldn't have cried, he would have cackled; laughed manically and screamed out victory over L to the high ceiling above them. He would have thrown his fist in the air and ridiculed L as he gloated of his world of purity. This, though…this crying bundle of nerves, uncommon lines across his young face from the horrific paranoia and insomnia caused by the pathetic guilt of a human.

Ryuk smirked…

_I used to think he was a God…he's not, though…he's just another regular human._

"Come on, Light." Ryuk muttered somewhat disappointedly

Raito turned and looked to the shinigami and sniffed, pushing the tears off course from down his cheek. He rose and let the demon grip his shoulder as he closed his eyes and opened them to be just outside his mansion; in the pouring rain. There was a young girl, and it took a moment for Raito to gather that it was that simple girl, Mireio, from the Christmas tape, but it was clear now that she was much older than L. Raito knew this, because a young L stood before her in the rain.

She was kneeling before him, her knees just slipping out of her skirt; nearly touching the river that was the sidewalk. Her hair was falling out of a loose bun and she looked worn and tired, fashioning a black eye on the left side of her face. The young boy, L was looking to her, as emotionless as Raito remembered him to be. Mireio finally spoke out softly,

"You saw that did you?"

L did not reply; only stared indifferently. The girl reached out and placed her hands on L's small shoulders before telling him, "Please don't tell Watari about him, okay? He doesn't know I'm seeing him, and I love him…"

L then inquired something that Raito found incredibly intruiging. L looked to the girl; tilted his head slightly before asking simply,

"Why do you love something that hurts you?"

The girl had no answer for him, so simply stammered, "I-I…it's no so simple, it's…love is…you can't…when I…it's just not…it's not easy to explain."

L's enormous onyx eyes began to glisten with tears as his voice spoke out and cracked while he lifted his small fingers and gripped Mireio's shoulder; "I don't want you to hurt anymore."

She smiled and began to tear as she drew L into an embrace, gripping the child softly and whimpering, "Me too…"

The little boy tore away from Mireio and sobbed, "Then don't love him anymore, love me instead."

Raito watched as the girl's expression changed and Raito knew she had realized he was still a child. She remembered how naïve L was, how innocent, how pure and unenlightened he was…

She smiled with humor in her cheeks and eyes as she replied,

"Alright, I'll love you instead…uhm…I've known you for years now, but…I still don't know your name…what is it?"

L looked up to her and stated almost darkly, "It's a secret, promise to keep it?"

She grinned, tears still in her eyes, and hummed, "Yessum."

He blushed and smiled to her, "L Lawliet."

Her smiled broadened as she told him, "Well then, I promise you, L Lawliet, that I will love you."

The boy smiled and pecked her cheek with a simple kiss and told her, "Good, because I love you too."

She gripped his tiny hand in hers and told him, "Let's go inside, before you catch a cold, Lawliet."

He nodded and followed her inside…

"_You have no right to call me L."_

"_Because…it is the closest to my name."_

"_I want you to call me L again." _

Raito's head spun; it explained L's reaction whenever Raito called him L in his sleep, it explained the fight, L's wish to hear his name again. Hear his name off the tongue of the person he loved. Raito no longer doubted anything within L; in all this time, L had grown to love him too, and wanted him to name him properly. L. L Lawliet.

Raito looked again and now they were in the living room, Watari was sitting in one of the large leather seats, the fire place was burning and there were a few children crying around him. Raito watched as a now somewhat older version of Lawliet descended from the stairs. He looked into the room with a life and sparkle in his eyes that Raito was unused to as he asked, "What is the matter, Watari-san?"

Watari looked to Lawliet and rose. He walked over to Lawliet and gripped his thin, but larger hands in his own aging hands. Watari knelt a little so that he was a little taller than head-level with the boy. He sighed and cautiously began, "L…uhm…Mireio-chan…is…she is dead, L."

Raito watched with a wrenching heart as the boy's face did not change for a moment before he tore away from the older man and stuttered, "W-what? N-No, she's…I s-saw her only the o-other day…"

"They found her body, L…at a young man's house…Mireio-chan, I know was very attached to you, and I want to know if she ever mentioned a boy." Watari tried to change the subject, but knew he could not remove the awful tragedy from the moment

"N-No! L-leave me alone! You're-you're lying! The whole lot of you are lying to me! S-she's perfectly fine! I-I'll show you! I'll s-show you right!"

The boy gripped Watari's hand again and pulled him up all of the stairs, finally into Mireio's room which had three police officers inside of it; shuffling through drawers and such. Lawliet's eyes grew low and dark, very suddenly the spark left his eyes as he turned and walked out the door. Watari followed after him and called, "L, please, are you okay?"

Lawliet turned to Watari again; his expression unmoving as he uttered lowly, "I want to be left to myself this afternoon, if possible, Watari-san."

Watari simply nodded with a worried expression as the young boy turned his back and worked his way back to his room; very slowly closing the door behind him. The next thing Raito knew, he was outside; very far from his recent home. He was at a gravesite where lay a tombstone with Mireio's name on it; currently surrounded by many children. Two people, though, stuck out the most. Lawliet and Watari stood side by side as the autumn wind blew by, pushing rusty leafs by them.

There was a friend of Mireio's making a speech at the end of her coffin; Lawliet did not look to her, simply looked to the coffin being lowered into the ground. Raito observed helplessly as the young blonde boy, Mello, walked up next to Lawliet and gripped his hand. Watari gripped Lawliet's other hand in his, and Near gripped Mello's, then followed Matt. Raito saw Watari's grip tighten slightly, and then tears fall down Lawliet's face.

Watari looked down to the boy as Lawliet spoke with an unchanging frequency, despite the tears falling from him, "She did not love me, Watari."

Watari looked to Lawliet strangely and asked, "You loved her?"

Lawliet did not look to anything but the coffin as he replied, "No. How could I love something that causes me pain like this?"

Watari let tears of his own fall as he told Lawliet, "It is human nature; it is why we are human, L; love is only pain in a more pleasant form."

Lawliet then looked to the three boys that had created a rope connected by their hands that hung from his limb and stated, "She was murdered, and Watari…I couldn't be her love…but…I'm smart." Watari and him finally looked to each other as Lawliet finished, "I can be her justice. I want to be."

Watari gulped burning tears in the back of his throat before replying, "Now that…is very honorable."

"Ryuk…" Raito spoke out softly; the demon looked to him

Raito continued, "I don't want to see this…I don't want to see this; show me when he fell in love with me, I can't bear this anymore."

Raito closed, then opened his eyes and collected a small…but big room. There was a large television, there were two queen-sized beds with thick, puffy beddings. The bedposts behind the pillows seemed to go up the long wall for miles, their wooden structure carved to look like a labyrinth of flowers. The room all around was a soft tan with off-white carpeting. There was a small sofa and a love seat that all sat around a wooden coffee table.

The wall that sat a few feet behind the sofa was a giant window, rather than a wall. It looked out onto the whole busy, rainy city. After this combination of two rooms in one you walked out of the living room-area into a kitchen/dining room area, and in the hall that led to it was a marble-floored bathroom. Raito smiled in the darkness of the room; he looked to the beds and saw Lawliet staring at him as he slept.

He heard himself murmur "L…" in his sleep and blushed as Lawliet leaned more closely to him and ran his lips against Raito's cheek. When Raito murmured his name again, Lawliet removed himself from the covers and left the bed to stare out the window. He placed his spider hand against it and nearly gasped as he quickly crouched down and sat on the floor.

He rested his head against the window and tears began to fall from him as he whimpered,

"I am doing this again…I am causing myself pain…why do I have to be so human? Why do I love the pain he causes me, Mireio? It reminds me of the pain you caused me too…he is brave and foolish like you as well, Mireio. I…do not want to love…this pain…but I do…I really, deeply do, Mireio…and he will not let it end…he only continues to grow closer to my heart the more I push him away…I should have pushed you away too."

With that, Lawliet closed his eyes and muttered, "I really do hate loving him."

Raito smiled, the bittersweet scene caused his heart to melt for Lawliet and he was pleased. No matter how Lawliet hated it; he loved Raito. He really, deeply did.


	28. Chapter 28: Downfall

Suddenly Raito felt a pang in his chest; a shot of pain. He reached his hand over his chest and looked to Ryuk; the demon smirked. Raito went to speak, but was silenced by the pain. Ryuk's eyes glistened with sinister pleasure as the scene melted and Raito found himself in his bedroom, back in the mansion. His cell phone was ringing with Misa Amane's name flashing, but Raito did not acknowledge it; he simply looked shockingly to Ryuk. The demon curled his dark, stretched lips and snickered, "Havin' some trouble there, Light?"

Raito gripped his chest, over the his heart and muttered, "I-I'm going to die o-of a heart-attack? R-really, R-Ryuk…t-that is so-so unbef-fiting…"

Ryuk chuckled; there was the old Raito he knew, over-confident and acting as if nothing could kill him but silver bullets. Ryuk replied, "Not quite; but I'm not the one killing you, Light, so I don't really know how he's doing it…"

Raito's eyes widened as he repeated, "…him?"

Ryuk's irises glowed with dark satisfaction; Raito asked, "L…L-Lawliet?"

Raito's body pulsated, almost echoed with intense pain as he gripped his chest more tightly. For moment, then…he saw inside himself. Inside the fragile little organ that kept him running, that made him blush and breath and scream and judge. And it was tightening around something spherical. Raito suddenly tasted blueberry and vanilla in his mouth; he didn't usually like sweets, but it was satisfying as he fell to his knees.

He closed his eyes; their weight overwhelming him as he prayed inwardly,

_L…Lawliet…_

"…L…R-Ryuuzaki…Lawliet…"

_Oh, God, L…oh, God, Lawliet…_

"Oh, God…" he cringed in pain

"_Light-kun, are you in need of my help?"_

"_Unless…are you embarrassed to be working with me, Light-kun?"_

"_We may go now."_

"_Don't touch me like that…you scared me."_

"Oh…God, L-Lawliet…" His heart tightened around the sweet in torturing pain

"_I don't know if everyone in the office received memos directing them to ask my about my love-life, but I'll tell you also, Light-kun, that I do not hold interest in romance."_

"_It is what I believe, Light-kun, and nothing can change what I am."_

"_Time was passing, and I did not want to waste it." _

"Please, L-Lawliet…s-save me…" he whimpered as he fell to the floor completely, gripping his chest, seething in pain

"_We're going to walk through them."_

"_I wouldn't break for you either, Light-kun."_

"_Because it is the closest to my name." _

"_I would like to travel to the Boboli Gardens before I die." _

"_I've never really been happy."_

"I-I wasn't…s-strong enough…I …I wasn't g-good enough f-for you, L-Lawliet…" he cried

"_You're good at being my friend." _

"_I…I had a weak moment. I didn't mean to burden you with that."_

"_But…you say you like to see me alive…"_

"_If you so wish, Light-kun." _

"P-please, L-Lawliet…y-you showed me h-how love is p-pain…that d-day…you r-ran to me e-even though y-you bled and h-hurt…y-you went through t-the pain t-to get to t-the love…t-to me…" he begged to nothing visible

"_I lie about nothing, Light-kun."_

"_I don't want you to ever call me that again."_

"_I am nothing compared to you!"_

"_If you won't break, I won't."_

"_My heart, Light-kun…my heart led me to you…it needed you…"_

"I-I have…s-suffered t-to love you t-too, L-Lawliet…"

"_I want you to call me L again…"_

"Save me, L!"

Then there was blindness; Raito lost sense of everything and there was no other way to describe it, but utter nothingness. There was no color, there were no sounds but he certainly felt closer to Lawliet. He felt closer than he had for a long, long, long while…

He opened his eyes; there was darkness all around him, he stood stripped of any clothing and for a moment, he thought memory. He looked around and called out, but no sound came to his disposal. Suddenly there was a light before him and he felt as though he was drowning; there were no directions, no left or right or up or down. Only this light.

"…Light…"

Raito's eyes widened as the form suddenly morphed into something much more familiar. Lawliet's ebony irises were staring back at him; his charcoal hair was spread feathery across his features along with a soft fluster as he stared indifferently at Raito. Raito finally felt his voice, it came out scratchy and as if it hadn't been used in ages as he asked, "L-Lawliet…I…I didn't think you'd forgive me…"

Before he could say anything more Lawliet capture Raito's lips with his own, running his spidery digits through Raito's hair and along his neck. Raito happily abided; tears falling from his eyes that had been washed of their bloody stains. Raito did not know exactly how the thoughts formed, and he decided he wanted to believe that Lawliet transferred the sentences through his lips, into Raito's mind. And it explained everything, telling him simply; Justice is equivalence and that is all the great detective L wanted to be.

And he was.

But Justice was unmoved, untouched, and unwavering. He only knew fact and never felt guilty or unsure. Lawliet, loved Raito, though. Meaning that among all of humanity, there was one existence that Lawliet, Justice would treat with more compassion, with more mercy…and now he was no longer balanced. Lawliet could no longer be Justice, because Justice could not love.

Here and now, Raito gave up his crown of Kira, for he too, did not want to be Justice. Not if Justice could not love; for he loved Lawliet. Lawliet broke from his kiss with Raito and took Raito's hand in his own. There formed a door suddenly; it looked very old, though the handle was shiny and clean. Raito looked to Lawliet and the detective reached over to open the door, but Raito stopped him by stating, "You know…"

Lawliet looked to him…

"You are the most disgusting, infuriating and aggravating human being I ever encountered."

Lawliet simply smiled and told Raito matter-of-factly, "I already knew that, Light."

Raito smiled as Lawliet gripped his hand a little more tightly and opened the door. It didn't matter, what was on the other side, though. It didn't matter to Raito. Because L saved him. As much as L was his downfall…L had been his savior. Raito smirked, and all this time, he thought only justice could change this world, but Raito watched as light flooded L's features and knew that love, and only love, could save him. Only love could save them. Only love can save us.

**End.**

**Author's note: Thank you all for all your wonderful support in reviews and PMs, it's all been really wonderful and greatly, greatly appreciated! I hope you all enjoyed it and I'll be back soon with a brand new fanfiction! Hope you all loved the ride as much as I did! ******


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